Winter travel

I am leaving Oregon before a winter storm slams the area. What I am heading into? Just a winter storm in Chicago. Lovely. Snow and ice tomorrow. What do you think the chances are of me successfully arriving on time at O'Hare tomorrow evening? I am flying American using some frequent flier miles. I am sure someone was paying attention and looked at my travel schedule. American? Well, we should just create some ice, wind and snow. Mwwwuuuaaahhhh.

For all of the comments...

Over the years, some of you have wondered why I haven't bought rain gear for Elston. All of the comments can stop. Here is our model:



More pictures of the very unhappy dog can be viewed under the Picasa link on the right hand side.

I need to tell you that she is really not happy. We'll see how it works outside in the rain. Someone could also stand to lose a little weight in the middle. The velcro had a hard time sticking when she moved.

Family Values

A few weeks ago, I went with BP to get an egg nog shake at Burgerville. I am sure I already wrote about how great it was and all of that stuff. I probably didn't mention that I told BP that I wanted to marry the shake since it was so good.

Tonight, BP, E, K and I went on a shopping trip to Troutdale. The added benefit was dinner at Burgerville (kinda sad that a fast food place is an added benefit but you would understand if you had Burgerville). In addition to the egg nog, they also offered a peppermint chocolate shake. I went for the peppermint shake. I confessed that now I wanted to divorce the egg nog shake and marry the peppermint shake. After debating the merits of both, BP declared us polyshakists. I don't know who would be the sister wives (shakes or BP/EM?) but it could become a fun nickname. I'm not 100% sure who overheard our conversation but we left an empty restaurant.

I should add that when B'ville adds chocolate hazelnut shakes in January that I'll really reach a crossroads. I prefer to call that one - heaven in a cup.

Four years later

Sometimes it can take a long time to see justice take place. Four years ago, there was a car accident that took the life of one of the most amazing women that I have ever known. She was a volunteer at my first job out of library school. Her intelligence, compassion and grace left a mark on so many people, including me. The truck driver who killed her and some of her closest friends was finally found guilty.

Just in time

As many of you probably know, I despise Gwyenth Paltrow. Well, it is a good thing I am no longer living in New Jersey since she is filming a movie in Hoboken. The temptation to push her into the Hudson River as I shop at Rite-Aid would have been too much for me to handle.

By the way, I saw my first snowflakes of the season. It was a mixture of snow/rain and didn't stick. Oh well.

Long weekends

What could be a better weekend than sleeping, reading, spending time with friends, and watching my sports teams win.

Chicago Bears in overtime. KU men's basketball in overtime. Rutgers also won. The only downer is that the KU football team lost. I am still in shock that they were even #2 in the country.

Giving thanks to beer with BP on Wednesday night at the Kennedy School. Thanksgiving dinner with CW at Edgefield. Movie with B&A on Friday. Winery tasting on Saturday with CW. Old and new friends...makes me appreciate where I am in my life.

Even better? Naps. Lots and lots of naps.

I really wish this weekend was lasting longer.

Oh, yea, Thanksgiving

As I walked the dog today, I was trying to think of the things I give thanks for this year. I instantly went the sarcastic route but here is my list as of 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving eve.

Egg nog shakes at Burgerville

Mary is still a significant part of my life

Elston is acting as immature and healthy as ever

Health is improving

My family is healthy, plus Luke is safely back from Iraq

BP moved to Portland

I can see a view of Mt Hood from my apartment (only for awhile longer before a condo development obstructs my view). It is even more visible now with the snow. It is an especially great view with the sunrise.

Better job

Washer/dryer in the apartment

Tater tots

Books

Bush only has a year left

No NE weather this year

Quotes

"People who shop in Whole Foods are just too serious. It makes me tense."

- Neighboring diner in Charleston

"Why does it smell like one big Christmas wreath outside?"

- Elston. Okay, not really. It was me saying it to Elston who doesn't understand English and was busy sniffing leaves.

Conversation about centipedes (more or less what was said)
Erin: I killed a centipede today in the apartment
E: What?
Erin: Yea, a centipede on the bedroom wall
E: They don't have centipedes in Oregon!!!

Followed by:
E: Erin said she killed a centipede in our apartment building. In her bedroom.
Mary: Uh huh
E: Don't you understand?? I've never seen a 'pede in Oregon before. I thought I was safe.
Mary: Uh huh
E: Spiders are one thing but centipedes are satan's army.
Mary: Please tell Erin not to tell you anymore about 'pedes in the building.
E: Did you hide information from me in NJ? Did you?
Mary: No.

I *so* don't believe her. You thought I was bad about Spiders but they have nothing on 'pedes. Ask anyone who has known me for a long time and they will quickly nod in agreement. I would welcome armies of Spiders in my apartment before I see one 'pede enter the threshold.

Curses

I did it. I broke my string of bad flying experiences. The only bad moment on any of my flights was when my flight from Portland landed in Cincinnati. We landed so hard that my teeth hurt for about 30 minutes. All of us were fairly disturbed but it passed.

I do want to comment on a few things from yesterday.

The Charleston airport is insane. For a small airport, they take security very seriously. I am not sure if they have secret information that outlines potential threats coming out of the airport, but I have never seen TSA take their jobs so seriously. Newark, LA, Chicago, JFK? Nothing on Charleston. Is this where they are supposed to get their training? Don't get me wrong. I support strong airport security. I like security. I just think that just maybe..Charleston takes it to an extreme. Based on prior experiences, I knew to allow plenty of time for security processing. I had two people review my Kiehl's lotion before it went through screening to make sure it was less than 3.5 fluid ounces and to announce down the screening line that it was less than 3.5 fluid ounces. Whew! They also had security ride a mountain bike through the terminal. This is a very small terminal. The best feature? The attendant in the woman's bathroom who wipes off the handle of every stall before someone walks in.

I know that Chik-fil-a does not open on Sundays but why not the Atlanta airport franchise? Can't we compromise some of our beliefs to satisfy a longing customer? At least my layover allowed me to watch football.

My flight from Atlanta to Portland was long. 5 hours long. I passed time by playing in-flight trivia against fellow passengers. I almost went to find Brian in 7A to tell him that I was taking him down. When I finally started winning, I wanted to find him to tell that I had sufficiently kicked his ass off the plane. Watching NFL score updates and our flight progress made for lots of entertainment. I am now a fan of in-flight entertainment at your disposal and Delta. Screw American and United.

Charleston

I love coming here once a year for a great conference and excellent food. As far as conference content, this is one of the best programs that I've heard in a long time. I promised BP that I would tell her of the great food that I've consumed over the few days I've been here.

Wednesday: No trip to Charleston is complete without a stop at Jestine's Kitchen. I had fried chicken and M had shrimp creole (I think??).

Friday: Fish. Great little place. I had massive scallops over some of the best rice I've ever had. M had their fish of the day special and I spaced out on the fish. Clearly, I was paying more attention to my food.

Saturday: lunch at Gaulart & Maliclet which serves French fast food. Dinner at Slightly North of Broad. This is the 2nd time I've been to this restaurant with M. I'm not sure how many times she's been there but she knows enough to reserve us a spot at the chef's table. This restaurant recently received the award for best restaurant of the year which is no easy feat considering the great dining in Charleston. I had their shrimp and grits while M had their grouper special.

I leave full and tired.

Propaganda or allies in motion?

I can finally write about this now that I am safely in the city limits of Charleston, South Carolina, and far away from the enemies in Portland. Yes, the Spiders. I know it has been awhile since I have updated the world on the Spider wars. Honestly, it has been quiet. I know.

A few weeks ago, I went to a local briefing on Spider venoms: tools of tiny predators. You ain't kidding. I was really prepared for a bunch of propaganda because it was hosted by a local science museum. The speaker even tossed out a few quotes from several official Spider propagandists otherwise known as Information Representatives of Spider Nation. It quickly turned into a useful lesson for all of us on Spider defense.

We started off by viewing the key tools of Spiders. What are they? Eyes. Lots of beady little eyes. The speaker, aka Expert, informed us of their killing methods. Did you know that there are 40,000 species of Spiders? Yes, my friends. 40,000 species prepared to prey on us and plot their stupid overthrows. They immobilize prey using special things such as 8 eyes, narrow waists (so disarming), silk and venom.

In our debriefing, we saw images of where venom comes out of their creepy bodies. Elston could have really used this session to work on her strategy of disarmament. I am sure she was pondering the usefulness of Greenies in filling her belly over the safety of our fair city.

We also learned of their "prey capture techniques" which was quite alarming. Some Spider species are clever enough to actually fish, disguise their bodies by using camouflage, create a folding door environment and other such horrible tactics.

The debriefing became more exciting when she moved to the 30 Spider families in the Northwest. I thought I was leaving the mafia behind in New Jersey but they have nothing on these little killing machines. They aren't the Ogre Faced Spider clan that are causing so many problems in my neighborhood. No. It is the Cross Spider family that controls my area. They took over the gambling machines, kicked out the kitten prostitutes and now control a 4 block radius around the library. Yes, it is true. Really. They don't fool me with their Cross Social Club signs just like the signs in Hoboken that said Soprano Social Club with old Spiders sitting out front made me walk a little faster. I was quite impressed with the Expert who described the Spies (one failure on her part was not calling them Spies. Why protect the audience? Hobo, Garden and Wolf are lame nicknames). As she described the Wolf Spies, she mentioned their mating calls. All I could recall was the little theme song from Deliverance that I hear playing in the trees as I walk by with Elston. Now I know it is a bunch of Wolf Spy Sex. Are they serenading the crows?

As I sat and listened to the Expert and debated how we could get her to walk our neighborhood and make the Spiders quiver, I realized the challenges facing us. As she reminded us, the Spider can provide us cheap, accessible entertainment or they can own us. After all, the Spiders have been around forever.

I did walk away with some new killing tactics. Flip a Spider on its back and it will stick to its web. Strike fear in them by mentioning the Jumping Spider that stalks like a cat. What scares us? Fear of others. I am sure we can get new colonizing Spiders to scare the Cross Spiders out of my neighborhood.

My friends, I do believe I have lost my mind.

Lectures

No, I am not going to lecture on various topics even though I am sure I could come up with some quick preachy things to say. I could write about how I can't shake my cough as I prepare to leave tomorrow for a conference. Or, I could write about a lecture I heard last week on spiders. I thought I would save that one for a few more days. No, I am going to write about my response to a flier that was handed to me by some people walking my neighborhood. I am sure my response will offend but this is how I react to things. B and M provided some assistance as noted below.

Lecture names followed by our responses:

1) Prophecy unveils the end of the world Can it wait until the Bears win another Super Bowl or at least I get back from this conference? (EM)

2) Lawlessness, Terrorism and Plagues upon the land. Sounds intense. Are they referring to out of control, terrorist spiders? (EM)

3) Prophecy exposes the missing link. Oh you're the one, Elston (MP)

4) The antichrist. Otherwise known as the Dick Cheney lecture (EM)

5) How to successfully bury your past. All it takes is a big shovel (BP)

6) The real truth about near death experiences. Stay away from the light Carol Ann (MP) or Carol Ann is in the tv (BP)

7) When the devil takes a vacation. And, goes to Florida (EM)

8) The unpardonable sin. Just one? Yay! (EM)

9) Why so many denominations. Fractions are a bitch (BP)

10) Revelations plan for end time living. Beer is on sale at 7-11 (BP) Only 25 shopping days until the rapture (MP)

Where am I?

I turned the tv on and Kansas football has 69 points against Nebraska. Huh? I remember when we were lucky to win a few games a year and we dreaded the game against Nebraska. Now KU is undefeated. Wow.

I can say that I am no longer in New Jersey just by reading local media.
- Front page of metro section of the Oregonian informs us of World Toilet Summit 2007. November 19th is World Toilet Day.

- A "vegan mini-mall" is now in one of my local neighborhoods.

I am definitely in a weird animal planet episode. I had my suspicions after the Sunday morning cat social gatherings but this tops it all. Crow sex. Or, I think it was since I am a little nervous about googling crow sex. Two crows on a wire with one right behind the other. I mean, right behind the other one. Whatever it was, I wasn't the only one watching. I turned around and there was a crowd of crows watching from another wire. Two squirrels joined in the bird watching.

Terkel to the rescue

Just as my cynicism starts to take over, Studs reminds me that it is important to have faith -

I have observed and written about American life for some time. In truth, nothing much surprises me anymore. But I always feel uplifted by this: Given the facts and an opportunity to act, the body politic generally does the right thing. By revealing the truth in a public forum, the American people will have the facts to play their historic, heroic role in putting our nation back on the path toward freedom. That is why we deserve our day in court.

Full op-ed