Once Again

Letter C

2011-10-31T23:38:00.003-07:00

I probably mentioned in the past how I am watching movies that I've never seen by alphabet. I am relying on multiple lists to generate my list of movies to see --- list of Roger Ebert's favorite movies, Oscar winners, IMDB top movies, AFI's top 100/top 400/top 10 in different categories and so on. I finally finished watching all of the movies that start with "C". There are still some movies that I haven't seen in this category because they weren't available from Netflix or I added them after I finished the letter.

What I loved:
Chariots of Fire
Chop Shop (movie broke my heart)
City Lights (I had seen bits before)
The Conversation
Cool Hand Luke

What I really liked:
Cabin in the Sky
Camille
Casablanca (I had seen bits before)
Citizen Kane
Coming Home
Crimes and Misdemeanors

What I hated:
A Clockwork Orange

Others:
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari - I barely remember this movie
Cabiria - I thought I should get a prize for watching this entire movie.
Caine Mutiny - Weak
Carmen Jones - I love Harry Belafonte
Carrie - I really didn't think this movie was that scary
Cat Ballou - I still have that damn song in my head
Cat People - this movie cracked me up
Changeling - it was so/so
El Cid
Cimarron
Cleopatra -- wow...also deserve a prize for watching this movie
Cries and Whispers
Crumb
Cry in the Dark - the joke about the dingo in Meryl Streep's voice ruined the most dramatic part of the movie

So, what had I already seen (people kept asking me this)
Caddyshack
Capturing the Friedmans
Casino
Chicago
Children of a Lesser God
Children of Men
Chinatown
A Christmas Story
Cinderalla
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Color Purple
Crash
Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Movies that appeared on the most lists:
A Clockwork Orange
City Lights
Citizen Kane
Chinatown
Casablanca

Now I am working on the letter, E. Yes, I am going every other letter.

catt tacking ovver

2011-10-30T10:31:00.002-07:00

Nice that the human has not changed her blog title to reflect the most recent addition to the household. Whatever because I am taking over this place. I am smart. I learned how to use check my spelling on this computer. Next step is domination over the dog.

Progress in last few days:

1. I threw up on dog
2. I turned on the stove. Thought human would rescue me and not dog. She noticed burner on. Fail.
3. Tried to remove food supply for dog. I tore into her brand new food bag and was going to hide every piece. Human noticed the rip and put the smelly stuff in a tub for the dog. Will try next time.

What the hell?

2011-05-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

Elston just walked across the living room. I saw something on her back so I called her over. It was a spider.

Were they playing "why don't we pretend I am a horse and you are a cowboy" in this household? Was the spider so lazy that it slipped Elston a $5 bill and said carry me closer to your owner so I can use my saved up energy to freak her out? Is the dog so creaky old that she thinks a spider can provide an adequate massage with its eight legs? Was Elston giving tours of the apartment to all of the insects? Is this a job she has on the side so she can buy greenies on the corner while I am at work?

We are a little pathetic

2011-05-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

I started the medication two weeks from yesterday. I'm fairly low-key about the side effects because I don't want to start analyzing every little sensation. I've had some issues with nausea and getting sick. As a result, I'm dealing with some appetite issues because I hate getting sick. I came home from work tonight and needed to rest for awhile. It was a really long day after four days off and one day working from home. I finally decided to eat something but I didn't have the energy to make anything. Cheese and crackers. Small yogurt. With my mini-boost of energy, I decided to deal with the ice maker in the freezer since it was jammed with ice.

I decided to put a bunch of cubes in Elston's water because she doesn't drink as much from that bowl and it was an easy way to fill it up. Lo and behold, a certain someone decided that she needed to eat a lot of that ice. Usually, she will pick up a cube, lick it, and then drop it on the ground to create a nice puddle. Oh, not tonight. I guess she likes ice that comes from an ice maker. Who knew? I sat down to read the newspaper. She was on the living room floor surrounded by more ice cubes. She sat up. Ears back. Yep, she was going to get sick. By the way, who gets sick from ice? My dog.

I ran outside with her. We make it into the parking lot just as she loses her dinner and various snacks (who knew that a carrot could last a day with her??). I couldn't just leave this mess in the parking lot so I went to the recycling bins to grab some newspaper to clean things up. I muttered to myself that Elston was either trying to compete with me or was trying some sympathy sickness. I suspect it was the former. As I was cleaning it up, I got queasy. I ran with her to the garbage dumpster and got sick. I am not sure if any neighbors were watching this whole scene -- dog purging, me trying to clean it up, or me halfway into a dumpster. My hope is that they didn't just see the third scene of this pathetic mess. When people wonder how I am doing, I want to point to this evening as an example of how the little things can be a struggle. Energy issues. Appetite. Solo dog owner. Sensitive human stomach. This could be a very long road as she ages and I struggle with these issues.

Anniversaries and Raccoons

2011-05-01T21:42:00.001-07:00

As mentioned in my last post, today is the fourth anniversary of leaving New Jersey for Oregon. I've spent the last 3-4 days thinking and writing about my approach for the next four months. I've decided that my new chapter needs to start with smaller chunks of time. I decided to focus on May-August as my timeframe to start implementing some changes. I am not going to document the specific changes on the blog because I do want some semblance of privacy on what I hope to achieve. Who knows...maybe I will report on my progress at the end of August.

I will say that I feel content. I'm not reflecting at all on the last four years, or why I feel such a strong urge to make changes. I just know it is time. Other than wanting to sic some cats on the neighbor's barking dog, I am at peace with where things stand in my life.

On a less heavy note - my dreaded neighbor did tell me this afternoon that he has seen a lot of raccoons hanging out on my deck. He would know since he is out there at all hours of the night talking super loud. God knows, the dog wouldn't tell me if a raccoon family set up camp on the deck with a fire and roasted hot dogs. I guess I should be grateful that the neighbor wanted to let me know so I wouldn't leave Elston on my back porch in the evening. Right. She would only give up her bed if a pile of greenies was sitting on the deck.

New Start

2011-04-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

May 1st is my four year anniversary of leaving New Jersey and arriving in Portland. I have decided that it is time to start a new chapter in my life. Four years seems like a decent amount of time -- we are supposed to get through high school in four years and the same with college. Why not a new chapter in adulthood? As I've already mentioned off/on, I haven't had the easiest time since the start of 2011. You name it...I've had a struggle with it. I am already making a mental list of the things I want to change in my life. Whether it is my approach to work, my financial situation, people I associate with, or how I approach different situations, I've decided to make some significant changes. I know it won't happen overnight, but I want to reward myself for making daily progress.

I am referring to these changes as my new manifesto for life. I need to shed some of the unhealthy behaviors from the last year, including some of the unhappiness associated with this time. I think it also boils down to the fact that life is too short to spend time working so hard on relationships that should make us happy. I strongly believe that we should surround ourselves with people who leave us feeling fulfilled, confident, nurtured, and lighthearted. I no longer want to spend time in therapy discussing relationships that should meet basic needs. You are either good to me or you are not. If you are not, good riddance. I am closing a lot of doors that I believe will leave me a much happier person.

Months ahead

2011-04-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am in Chicago for a meeting. I don't think I have ever visited Chicago and only stayed in one small area for the entire trip. I guess it is appropriate since I didn't have time to really see anyone.

I have another trip planned next week to go to San Francisco for a long weekend. After that, I am not sure how much time I want to spend travelling.

I start a chemo drug in a few weeks. I am supposed to avoid large crowds because my immune system is going to be whacky. It is starting to hit me that I am really freaked out by the potential side effects. I looked in the mirror today and realized that I already look exhausted. I am pushing myself really hard to meet some deadlines and I think it is starting to take a toll on me.

Weather

2011-04-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

I was not the happiest teenager. I can't really pinpoint the reason for all of my angst except I probably felt very alone. I had friends. But, I didn't have many people who I felt understood me, or wouldn't judge me for all of my dark thoughts. It wasn't a huge secret that I was a depressed teenager. A good friend of mine knew I had struggled with major depression during my junior year of high school. We were both involved in the journalism program so she used my story for our high school's newspaper feature on suicidal teens. I think I still have a copy of that article somewhere in a box. I kept most of my suicidal thoughts from my family. Looking back, everyone in my family was pretty much in the dark about my struggles starting when I was 13 years old.

I can look back at my life and point to some of the darkest moments -- my last year at KU, my last year at DePaul, off/on in New Jersey, and this past year. I am still haunted by some of my struggles when I was 16 years old. It was my first experience with loss/grief, fear, and deep depression. I won't go into the details but it left me scarred for many years. April 22 and 23rd are anniversaries that I will never forget. 24 years later and I still think of that time in my life and how everything just seemed impossible. To this day, I still get hit with sadness on those first warm days of spring. It takes me back to 1987 and some of those early warm spring days. I always find it amazing how a certain smell can just slam me with memories. 24 years later and I can still remember how I felt on some of those days.

Not so smooth

2011-03-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

Elston did something I've never seen before in 13 years. She decided to jump over a big puddle. She miscalculated either the size or her leaping ability because she didn't make it over the puddle. She landed at the end of the puddle with a giant splash.

I burst out laughing. Her ears went back because she was either embarrassed or scared by my guffaw. I give her credit for the sudden burst of energy.

Rain is never going to end

2011-03-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

Some random thoughts of mine these days:

1) A certain canine likes to take her precious time walking up the stairs to the apartment in the morning, early evening, and late night. She stops a few times and looks out over the street. Personally, I think she taunts the dog who loses its little barking mind whenever it sees her. Her selective hearing loss can't ignore its barking. Yet, I find it funny that this little red canine can suddenly hop up the stairs when I take her out before she gets her Greenie. She beats me up the stairs. Is there a lesson book on dog tricks that she didn't read? Consistency.

2) The same red canine is slowing down a bit. She didn't notice the raccoon trying to claw its way through the sliding glass door. She didn't notice when a huge limb landed on our back porch. She doesn't greet me at the door anymore because she is usually asleep on the bed. She has been dealing with some incontinence issues. I know she is embarrassed that I am revealing such personal health issues on a blog. I told her that I wouldn't provide any additional details if she stopped being stubborn with her medication for the issue. Submissive pill popping dog is no longer. It is cute how she shows her teeth as I clamp her mouth shut and stroke her throat so she won't spit out the pill. Greenie pill pockets...here we come.

3) I really don't like to judge people so quickly, but I am judging my new neighbors. I want to take their yippy, non-stop barking dog (only barks when they are away and is not the dog that loses its mind over Elston) and pack it in their Hummer. A Hummer? Really? Also, they must stomp their feet when they walk because I can hear them. Upstairs. I miss my old neighbors who were quiet, normal dog, and normal car.

4) This is the first time since 2004 that I haven't taken the first days off for the NCAA tournament. It is my own fault in not blocking off my schedule. I do have tomorrow off but I am also cramming in a conference call, blood transfusion, and working on a book chapter. Kinda sucks.

5) I am in desperate need of a vacation. I need time away from the computer, work, life, rain, and other things. This has definitely been one of the most difficult stretches I've had in a long time. I keep waiting for things to settle down but it isn't happening.

Complicated Dreams

2011-02-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

There is no question that some of my medication gives me strange dreams. I still try to find logic in my dreams, which is kinda silly. I woke up at 4 this morning, and realized that my dream had zero logic.

I was in a store with my Dad. We were with several other people on a road trip. I walked into part of the store, and stopped in my tracks. In front of me were different cases of Bell's beer. I grabbed a cart. I was tossing in cases of Oberon, Two Hearted Ale, Kalamazoo Stout, Double Cream Stout, Expedition, and names I've never seen before. My dad came back to me and said there was a $50 limit on what I could bring with us. Apparently, we were crossing state lines, and there was some silly rule that should never apply to beer. I didn't believe him. The store owner confirmed the law. I avoided obvious hysterics, and tried to narrow my choices. I asked if my dad could buy some just to avoid the $50 limit. Nope.

As if this nightmare wasn't already horrible, the dream veered into the absurd. My sister, Amy, held up a t-shirt for me. It cost $50. It had David Soul on the front. He was sitting on the red Gran Torino. I walked away from the beer.

David Soul? Please, I was (still am) a Paul Michael Glaser lovin gal. I was all about Starsky. I loved his hair. His piercing dark eyes (I think they are dark. C'mon, I was young during my obsession). I would have never walked away from Bell's beer for Hutch. Starsky? Possibly. If only I still had my Starsky doll. Sigh.

Analyze.

Starting over

2011-01-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

I am heading back to Portland after spending time at a professional conference. It was a nice break from a bad start to 2011. At different times this weekend, I thought my bad luck was continuing.

I woke up today feeling better about things. I attribute some of these feelings to a few days in the sun. It also felt great to spend time with close friends who provide a lot of encouragement and support. As much as I get frustrated with my profession, I am also grateful for all of the people it has brought to my life.

My hope is that I can carry these positive feelings back to Oregon with me, and let it last for awhile. I am definitely making some changes when I get back.

Reading in 2010

2011-01-05T19:21:00.002-08:00

I barely read anything this past year. Since 2000, I've kept track of everything I've read (and watched but that is a different post), and this was the least productive year I've had since 2005. The second half of the year was a struggle for me because I was travelling a lot, and even found myself months behind in newspapers. You don't even want to see the stack of magazines that I moved with me.

Because I didn't reach much, I had an easier time picking out the top reads of the year.
Favorite book? Into the Beautiful North by Luis Alberto Urrea.

Second favorite book? Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes. This one was a surprise since I am not exactly a battle readin' kind of gal, but I couldn't put it down.

Least favorite book? Home Girl by Judith Matloff. I received this book for free, as long as I provided a review. I am not sure they appreciated my contribution.

I am telling myself that 2011 is the year when I will take more time to read for pleasure. I hope I can stick to that resolution because I have a lot of good books waiting for me.

2011

2011-01-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

I am trying to come up with a good theme for 2011 since 2010 was not a very good year for me. I won't recount why it was a bad year, other than I made several decisions that I now regret. I also don't think I approached situations in a way that is true to who I am. Last year, I approached 2010 as the year I would figure things out. Ha. I guess that happened in a fucked up way.

What do I make this year about? The year I make more thoughtful decisions? The year I set aside time to read more, and spend less time on the Internet? The year of fun? The year of working on my debt? I think this is going to be the year of taking a step back from many things, and really figure things out. I am going to try and do a better job of setting boundaries.

For the record

2010-12-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

In three weeks, I have managed to pack, move, and set-up the following:

- Kitchen
- Bathroom
- Closet full of clothes

I did all of this *on my own* while fighting the following:

- Influenza
- Stomach bug
- Bad back for nearly a week

I still have a lot of books and files to pack. I need to take care of the loose ends, and set aside the things I don't want the movers to handle. Not to mention that I want to clean the part of the house I've lived in the most, and shampoo the carpets. All of this while I am still fighting a stomach bug and bad back.

It has been such a great, relaxing holiday. I am officially bitter.

Melancholy

2010-11-27T18:11:00.001-08:00

I guess it has been awhile since I have posted on here. No time like the present...

I started the Saturday of my holiday weekend feeling angry and frustrated. It is my own fault for putting myself in a situation where that could be a likely outcome. I guess it is months of frustration building up again.....

I decided to divert my attention by switching out my clothes for the season. Either I've been travelling or sick, so I am late on this particular, dreaded task. I should have realized that putting my angry/frustrated mood into this task was a mistake. Switching out clothes for the season always make feel sad. I'm not the cheery person who briskly puts clothes away and thinks of all of the great things that have happened since the last time I switched clothes. No. I think of people and places. I think of loss.

I freely admit that I hold on to things too long. I have a stack of clothes that I have moved around for sentimental reasons. I have some old sweaters and a few t-shirts that belonged to my dad. I know that I will never be able to get rid of them (we are talking 5...not 50). I can still picture him wearing these things. I also have some sentimental t-shirts --- great concerts, a gift from a friend when Clinton won his first election, other campaign t-shirts, t-shirts or sweatshirts from when I was a VISTA volunteer, and so on.

I am starting to feel a little more detached from things so I definitely purged more than usual. But, it still made me feel sad. Outfit from New Year's Eve in 2000. Other clothes from my Chicago days that will never fit me again were put in the donation pile. I couldn't help but think of exact memories with some of these clothes. The doctor who was treating me one particular summer always commented on this one shirt...gone. But, it put me right back into that summer and all of the things that were happening to me. Even the hangers from Al's in New Brunswick depressed me because it reminded me of some of the hard days in New Jersey.

I know that this is all probably crazy and weird, but it still put me in a funk. I am getting better about letting go. But, I still couldn't get rid of some of the Chicago thrift store flannel shirts that have holes in them.

March Reading and Writing

2010-04-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

I definitely didn't read or watch as many things in March. I don't think April will be much better.

Watched:
Che: Um, it is long. I guess that aspect of the movie didn't bother me that much since I could break my watching into sections. What did bother me was my inability to remember people or battle scenes. I think they were scenes filmed separately and not Soderbaugh just splicing the same scene throughout the movie. Benicio del Toro was excellent.

Fantastic Mr. Fox: When my sisters visited, one of them raved about this movie. On my recent flight to Chicago, I decided to watch this movie over Whip It. I loved it. I love foxes.

Read:
Beautiful Children by Charles Bock: I heard such excellent things about this book, but I couldn't get into it. Part of my problem was that I didn't like a single character. The novel takes place in Las Vegas and surrounds the disappearance of a boy. The boy deserved to be lost. Just sayin'.

What Obama Means by Jabari Asim: I really liked this breezy book about the social, cultural, and historical significance of Obama's election victory. I can't remember what I liked about it but there was some good stuff.

Loss

2010-04-07T09:12:00.005-07:00

Loss. Change. Regrets. Uncertainity.

It seems as if those are four words that keep running through my brain at all hours. My recent trip home stirred up these feelings even more than usual. Leading up to my trip, I was dealing with change and uncertainty but now loss and regrets are starting to pop up.

A significant loss in my life was my father. It is hard for me to go through changes without wondering what advice my dad would give me, or how he always made me feel calm. In the thirteen years since he died, I have seen major shifts in my life. I sometimes wonder what he would think. He would certainly approve of my professional decisions since he was always a strong advocate of libraries and librarians. He would definitely worry about my financial situation. What I don't know is how he would advise me on my relationships and the way I struggle finding my way. He was a practical person not given to major shifts in his life. I think my bouncing around the country would have driven him crazy. On the other hand, I think he would appreciate that I follow my heart and gut instinct.

Seeing people from elementary school days to workplaces has stirred up a myriad of emotions. I love reconnecting with people. It is one reason why I love Facebook. Yet, I feel a greater sense of loss since I miss everyone I spent time with during my visit. To use a cliche, distance has made the heart grow fonder.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I wish I hadn't let so much time go by without reaching out to someone. I regret letting minor incidents limit communication for a lengthy period of time. I regret not treating people as they should have been treated during our relationship. We start relationships, friendships and other, with infinite possibilities ahead of us. Somehow we grow apart because we grow older, our needs go in different directions or we simply reach an end. I felt that sense of loss and regret over how I let all three things happen with different people. Mostly, I regret that distance now stands in the way of enjoying friendships on a more frequent basis, especially as I worry about people and the issues they face.

My dad never believed that we should live in the past. I have multiple letters where he advises me on moving forward and not looking back. It was usually when he would pull out some quotes from his favorite philosophers and try to make me feel better. While I agree with him on many levels, I really wish I could go back to at least three different times in my Illinois history and made a different decision or just tried harder. Instead of avoiding or giving up, I wish I would have fought harder for those friends.

Thank you friends and family from Freeport or Chicago for filling up my heart this last week with love and support. I carry my lessons with you as I move forward.

Trips Home

2010-04-05T21:42:00.003-07:00

Well, I am back after a trip home to Illinois. Some thoughts after my trip:

- I can go years without seeing people, yet I can reconnect with them as if no time has passed. Whether it was six months ago or thirteen years, I was able to pick right up with people.

- My family and friends have some amazing children that are beautiful and intelligent.

- Chicago and Freeport are my homes. I miss the city, the landscape and the people. This trip confirmed my feelings that distance is becoming more tiresome.

- It is possible to work at places where you do think of people as family (dysfunctional but still family). I think of their feelings, their families, and health even after many years.

- It felt great to be silly. Going around town taking photos, setting a dare, and jamming in the car even though we were parked outside the house were just moments of joy.

What did I do on my trip home?

- Went to dinner at a restaurant that I used to frequent a lot when I lived in Freeport. I realized that I hadn't been there since my dad died. At least, I think that is true.

- Spent time with a friend that I had not seen since my dad's wake - 13 years ago.

- Met my mom's new husband, or I should say, was reintroduced to my mom's new husband.

- Visited the college where my dad taught for many years.

- Had lunch with a longtime family friend at a new version of a place I once worked.

- Visited the cemetery.

- Went out bar hopping with friends from high school.

- Took photos around Freeport with my mom. I focused on Lincoln and Pretzel related items, but I also took photos of buildings that I liked or places that had meaning.

- Stopped by my childhood home but couldn't go into the backyard. Seeing landscaping from my father was enough to start the tears flowing.

- Lunch (Culverized) with family.

- Spent time with the town's citizen of the year (my sister).

- Went to the release party for Bell's Oberon and met Larry Bell.

- Spent time hanging out with my best friend's kids who are brilliant and funny.

- Went to Three Floyd's Brewery for beer tasting.

- Went to White Fence Farm for chicken tasting.

- Went to Village Tap, an old haunt, to realize that I am becoming old.

- Napped.

- Watched children dye eggs, a favorite childhood activity.

- Went to another old haunt, Lincoln Tap Room, to watch college basketball with friends.

- Went to breakfast with two former co-workers who are also longtime friends.

- Had Easter brunch at my sister's house

- Thought a lot about where I am at in my life and the steps I want to take in the coming months.

Inability

2010-03-22T06:16:00.003-07:00

I can't seem to find a decent sleep schedule these days. In all of my days fighting depression, I've never had a problem with sleep. If anything, I've always relied too much on sleep. Not this time. I also can't concentrate enough to escape into a book or a movie. All of the pharmaceuticals in the world will fail if they don't get me back to the place where I can sleep, read, and watch a movie.

At least the social part of me is going strong these days.

Basketball

2010-03-18T09:42:00.004-07:00

Basketball. I've been a fan my entire life. A highlight of my year is watching the NCAA men's tournament. I usually take the first few days of the tournament off work so I can watch solid basketball and lounge around. This year is no different except I didn't take tomorrow off and I'll probably do some work today. I did the same thing for next week, which is a new thing.

I used to fill out brackets against my dad. Our bets were small --- lunch at the Garden Deli or a place in Chicago. I continued the trend with people like Mary for small stakes. My sister used to enter my bracket into her workplace pool. This is the first year that I am not competing against a single bracket (like Mary) or my sister's workplace pool. Instead, I entered my bracket against friends in a Facebook bracket. I still wrote out my bracket. I'll still fill out a bracket with the actual winners. I can't let some things go.

I can't say that I like this year's bracket. I ended up filling out another bracket with the teams that I want to win but I didn't enter it anywhere. Last year, I beat Obama. We'll see how I compare against him this year.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

Management 101

2010-03-13T09:24:00.003-08:00

I have 8 billion things to say on this topic. However, I can't because I know that some people read this blog that shouldn't read all my thoughts. It has actually sparked some ideas of mine about creating a truly anonymous blog quoting family and friends on things they encounter in the workplace.

I recently found out some unfortunate news about a former boss of mine. When I look back at the time I worked for her, I think of how much she helped shape who I am today. I guess that I can say the same thing for nearly every person I have worked for. Before I worked for her, I had the worst manager that I've ever experienced. She is a classic example of how you shouldn't manage a workplace. All my former managers had strengths and weaknesses. After all, don't we all bring a combination of practices to a workplace that we can be proud of, and others we wish we could take back? I really miss my boss from NYC (he isn't the one I heard the unfortunate news about). He could take a situation and really appreciate the irony, the responsibility attached to a task, and correctly evaluate our performance. He did all this with an amazing sense of humor. I don't think that I have ever had as encouraging a boss even though in the moment of all our stress we had a hard time appreciating his encouragement. When I saw him recently, I was reminded of how much I appreciated learning from him.

I've started reconsidering my role as a manager. One positive aspect of switching jobs is that I can recreate myself and take on the traits that I've wanted to develop and shed the ones that interfere with my performance. People don't have baggage so they see me in the present. I am afraid I could make all these changes right now and it wouldn't matter because people have their preconceived notions of me. I find that sad. I'm feeling pretty down about the whole management thing right now. I have some specific reasons I am down, but again I need to keep it to myself.

I've also reconsidered whether I want to remain a librarian. Because of other circumstances in my life, I am at a place where I can make some of these decisions. I want to start making a difference in the world. I don't think that is going to happen in my profession, or in my current environment.

But, I am grateful for Arno and Dianne for showing me how you can manage people ---- letting people grow, displaying a sense of humor, and being so supportive of me. The library community will miss your leadership.

Tired

2010-03-10T17:09:00.003-08:00

It has been one of those weeks when I just want to put the covers over my head and sleep. Last week, I felt so good. I was getting things done and starting to catch up on projects (home - not work). This week is just lost. I haven't been able to read a newspaper, stay awake, read blogs, or send personal email. Even my walks with Elston have been less enjoyable.

On the bright side, I have vacation days in the next three weeks, including a trip to Illinois planned. I've spent some quality time with friends. I started working on a writing project. I've also thought more about how I am going to handle some difficult situations in my life.

Meanwhile, I have two important questions on animal life. One, why would robins take a bath in a muddy puddle? Doesn't it defeat the purpose? Second, what kind of animal is acting crazy on the roof above my head. I am almost scared to step outside to look. It sounds like a pack of squirrels building a social club. If so, I wonder if they can take the girl next door hostage.

Oscars

2010-03-07T17:22:00.004-08:00

Academy Awards:

Red Carpet:

When did Miley Cyrus become someone that anyone cares about?

I think Jeff Bridges is stoned.

Do you think people laugh at the stupid announcers as soon as they walk away? I would.

Where is my girlfriend, Cate?

I love Gabourey. She is just damn awesome.

Okay, I love Meryl.

Awards:

Helen, Colin, George, Gabourey, Meryl!

Wait, is J-Lo sitting with Robin Williams?

Okay, I hate sing and dance numbers.

I thought that was David Paterson but it is Antonio Banderas. What the hell?

Vera could become my new girlfriend. Don't tell Cate.

Okay the Hitler memorabilia joke with Meryl was funny.

George Clooney looks thrilled. Not.

Okay, I don't think I can focus enough since I am multitasking.

Age awareness

2010-03-06T09:38:00.002-08:00

The other day, I spoke to my niece on the phone. She has an upcoming birthday so I asked her how old she was going to be since I forget these things. She said ten.

It has left me freaked out because I distinctly remember everything surrounding her birthday --- the excitement, rushing to the hospital, and what was going on in my life. It was my sister's first baby. She called me on the way to the hospital because she forgot her camera at my apartment.

I had to go to a job that was my first professional library position. I hated this job more than anything else. It was hell on earth. I asked to leave work early so I could leave for the hospital. I was lectured because I had taken too much time off (no more than three days in months), and they had just found out that I had applied for another position. Well, of course I had. This job was horrible. I promised that I wouldn't pursue the other job just so I could leave for the hospital. Of course, I left that job only a few months later.

It was also the day before my best friend's 30th birthday. Her husband was throwing her a surprise party and I was playing a key role in the set-up role. We were nervous about Amy's due date and the party. Now the two of them are connected because their birthdays are a day apart.

Within her first year, I started a new job. I turned 30. I really started getting interested in my career. And, there was this little being who has turned into an amazing ten year old child. Granted, her birthday isn't for another month but I can't help thinking how much she changed my life.

February Reading and Watching

2010-02-28T19:36:00.004-08:00

At least I am moving through the letter "C' after sitting on some movies for awhile.

Control: Movie about Ian Curtis, former lead singer of Joy Division. Cheery movie. No, not really. It is one of those movies that I am still thinking about even though it has been several weeks. Excellent performances. I keep listening to Joy Division, which is really helping my mood.

The Class: takes place in Paris at a school in a "rough" area. The movie is told from the perspective of one of the teachers. I liked it because it showed a side of Paris that I've read about, but never seen. Think of the third season (?) of the Wire in Paris but not as much of the home life shown. Okay, it is nothing like that season other than it involves a school, teacher trying to reach his students, and some kids acting up.

Charlie Wilson's War: this was the start of eerie encounters with real life. I watched this movie a few days after Charlie Wilson died. I hadn't planned it that way because my Netflix queue controls my life. I loved this movie! It was also nice to finally like Tom Hanks again. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of my favorite actors.

Cassandra's Dream: fairly forgettable. Save your time and just watch Crimes and Misdemeanors. You will save yourself from watching Tom Wilkinson perform some really bad scenes.

The Cove: I also hadn't planned watching this movie after the death of the SeaWorld trainer. I highly recommend this documentary that is up for an Oscar. It is basically an expose on the fishing industry in a small Japanese community. They slaughter dolphins and sell dolphin meat off as a mislabeled, higher end product. One of the problems is that dolphin meat is high in mercury. Oh, and they also sell dolphins to places like SeaWorld that lead dolphins to kill themselves from all of the stress and anxiety. It is what happened to one of the dolphins that played Flipper. One of the key players in the movie is the former trainer for the Flipper dolphins who now dedicates his life to rescuing dolphins. I know I watched Flipper but I can't remember what the show was about. It wasn't like Lassie where the dog would rescue Timmy. I need to go to Wikipedia.

Reading:

February was a slow month.

The Twin by Gerbrand Bakker: This was one of the Powell's Indiespensable club offerings. Good, quick read. Loads of useful information, huh?

Home Girl by Judith Matloff: I started out liking this book about a former foreign correspondent who moves back to NYC with her husband. They buy a house in West Harlem before gentrification hit the area. As I hit the halfway mark, I decided that the author pissed me off. She bitched about the contractors, the crime in the area, the crack dealers, and lack of police or political response. What the hell did she think? She had several attempts to get out of this purchase with enough clues that she was purchasing a mess. I once lived in a really bad Chicago neighborhood while I was a VISTA volunteer. I saw the crack dealers, the empty houses, the stares from residents and I didn't go out and buy a house. If I had, I would have known that it was going to be a rough road. Naive. Annoying.

January Reading

2010-02-04T19:07:00.002-08:00

The Alchemy of Race and Rights by Patricia Williams: I'll admit that I started skimming the book during the last 1/4. My sister gave me this book years ago after she read it for one of her graduate courses. The entire time I read the book, I wondered what Williams thought of President Obama and some of our recent cultural wars. After finishing the book, I started reading some of her columns in The Nation and realized that I preferred her contemporary writing more than this book.

An American Childhood by Annie Dillard: I'm kind of dense at times. It took me forever to realize that this book was Dillard's story of her childhood. I really enjoyed her description of Pittsburgh and its history. It made me want to actually visit the city of her youth. She was definitely a quirky kid, which I could relate to since I had my own weird childhood habits. I wish she would have delved more into the conflict of her quirkiness and the reception she received in a wealthy circle of private school girls.

The Nine by Jeffrey Toobin: I can't recommend this book enough, especially if you are interested in American politics and culture. The Supreme Court strikes me as such a strange institution with plenty of personalities that are mostly mysterious. Toobin had some great insiders who fed him a lot of information. I suspect Sandra Day O'Connor was trying to redeem her reputation after her vote in Bush vs Gore. Given some recent Supreme Court rulings, I have a better understanding of how things work and how close we came to losing control of the courts if McCain had beat Obama.

Example of my profession

2010-01-25T11:18:00.002-08:00

Last week, I attended the winter portion of my professional association's annual meetings. It is less focused on programs than meetings. I attended a three hour budget meeting. Boring? Not as much as you would think. The best part was when the crazy aspect of my profession entered the meeting in the last half hour.

Chair: Well, it looks like we are going to wrap up early

Me (all comments attributed to me were just said to myself): Weee! I get to meet my friends early for martinis!

Librarian #1 (who has the best posture of any human being): I would like to make a request.

Table quiets.

Librarian #1: I would like to ask the chair to number the documents in a way that makes it easier for the committee members to follow along. (As he speaks, he takes out a piece of paper from his binder and holds it up to the group).

Me: Wow, he has a binder. I just have a folder with stapled documents. Wait, what he is talking about? There are file names on the Excel spreadsheets and headers on the Word documents. My head hurts.

Librarian #1: I have been lost throughout this meeting as we refer to documents.

Me: Huh, really? And, you wait until the end of the meeting until we bring this up? Is this why you were checking your iPhone? Were you trying to reach other librarians to help you with this document situation?

Librarian #1: Could we have them labeled with the abbreviation for the committee, MW for Midwinter meeting, and then a document number?

Me: So stunned that my brain is no longer speaking to me.

Librarian #2: I suppose that is possible. We could also take the agenda and put the document number next to the related agenda item.

Murmurs of agreement at the table.

Me (again just to myself): Really? You can't just organize the documents in the order of the agenda because it isn't rocket science to figure everything out since they all have file names???

Librarian #1 (in the most serious tone): That would be much appreciated.

Me (outloud): But, would you number them 1 or 01?

More murmuring at the table.

Me (back to myself): Couldn't resist, could you? You just wanted to hold off that chocolate martini to get everyone all riled up again. Are you happy now?

Chair: Meeting adjourned.

Me, almost a week later: I can't really believe that happened at a professional meeting. His indignation at the document names! Seriously?

Speaking of places

2010-01-24T16:50:00.002-08:00

This site reminds me of some more Chicago places.

Roeser's Bakery: this bakery is on a stretch of North Avenue that signaled to me that I was heading into a different stretch of Chicago. For nine months, I lived in a rough neighborhood of Chicago --- West Humboldt Park. I could probably write several posts about my living experience. This bakery breaks through class and racial barriers in the customers it serves.

Schuba's: The Schlitz sign is not the thing I love about this building. I love the old, terra-cotta Schlitz globe. Okay, I also love their Bloody Mary's.

Green Mill: One of the best venues in Chicago.

Place

2010-01-24T08:43:00.003-08:00

Lately, I've been thinking about place --- where do I find comfort, what type of environment do I want to live in, and places that I miss. My brain keeps turning to Chicago since that is where I have lived the longest in my adult life. I miss wandering the city on days when I didn't feel so great. I could take an architecture tour and instantly lose myself in another time or in the details of a particular neighborhood. Belmont rocks staring out at Lake Michigan. Walking around the Cultural Center. Sitting at Salt & Pepper and eating some diner food. Even the place would change based on the time I lived in Chicago. Some of those locations probably weren't the healthiest since it involved drinking all day at Joe's on Broadway with neighborhood characters, such as the guy who would chew up his thumb. Mindless browsing of the used cd's at Reckless Records or the sale section at Unabridged Bookstore are all ways that I would shake whatever was going on.

Either I didn't live in Eugene long enough or there wasn't enough space for me to move around in but I had a hard time finding the same comforts. I would usually wander to High Street to read the paper, drink a pint and eat some tots in front of the fire. Or, I would drive around the countryside or the hills surrounding Eugene. The dog probably received longer walks as I stared at the buttes surrounding the town.

New Jersey? I definitely enjoyed driving to Weehawken and staring across the Hudson River at Manhattan. I could get a less impressive view from my neighborhood, but I usually needed to get out of my area. Walking around the West Village certainly helped. I would put together my own tours of neighborhoods by researching architectural, cultural and political history of a neighborhood mixed in with some food and drink. It usually wasn't a solitary event since I would drag Mary with me.

Portland. Definitely going to Powell's and wandering around for awhile. Yesterday, I tried to duplicate the comfort I felt from Salt & Pepper by going to Fuller's Coffeeshop for breakfast. It helped but it made me even more homesick for Chicago.

As I walked around Boston on my last morning in the city, I visited familiar places. It is what started the thought of place and what I need in my surroundings. I need history, interesting architecture, bookstores, an urban feel, bars with good beer on tap, and people I admire to fill those spaces.

Now for the movie thing

2010-01-12T20:15:00.004-08:00

Now that I described my book thing, I should describe my weird movie thing. My movie watching habits are often mocked by certain people who shall not be named. Here is the situation --- I was adding a ton of movies to Netflix but never getting through my queue. At the same time, a meme went around on what movies people had seen from the list. I started thinking about the AFI's greatest movies list. I decided that I wanted to see all of the movies that I had missed from the Top 100, Top 400 nominated, and the Top 5 in each category. As a result, my Netflix queue kept growing.

Then I started reviewing lists of top movies from IMDB and Roger Ebert's greatest movies. I like Ebert's list because it has more variety since it includes foreign films. I started feeling overwhelmed.

I decided to organize my queue alphabetically. I started watching all of the "A" movies. After I was mocked for including leading articles, I had to quickly adjust my "A" list. Rather than moving along to "B" movies, I decided to mix it up by switching every other letter. I am now on the "C" movies. It is nice and random to watch some classic that I never watched, along with a recent release that I missed in the theater.

Here is what I wrote on Facebook after finishing the letter "A". I am probably halfway through letter C, but the mini-series on Chicago will throw things off.

Best movies: Atlantic City was my favorite. Burt Lancaster was perfect. I also really enjoyed All About Eve and All the President's Men.

Least favorite: A Clockwork Orange (yes, the leading article thing. Because of complaints from fellow librarians, I dropped leading articles after this movie). I couldn't finish watching it. I also didn't really like All that Jazz. Yes, I thought Roy Scheider was excellent, but I am not a huge fan of musicals. It did give me a great line that I now randomly drop into conversations - "It's showtime" as I do jazz hands.

Surprises: Around in the World in 80 days. I really didn't think I was going to like this movie, but I found it a lot of fun.

Other movies I watched:
Alien (one review I read talked about the stillness that is almost unheard of in today's action films. I couldn't agree more)
American Splendor
A Streetcar Named Desire (yes, leading article thing. I am embarrassed that I never saw this movie until now. Marlon Brando? Hot)
Annie Hall (for some reason, I had never seen this Allen movie before. I eventually grew into my tired-of-Woody phase, but I loved him in this movie)
Anatomy of a Murder
Awful Truth
Adam's Rib
All Quiet on the Western Front (the political implications when this movie was released...hard to imagine what would happen now)
An American in Paris (I love watching Gene Kelly dance)
The Apartment

2009 Reading

2010-01-10T09:33:00.007-08:00

Before I bore you with an account of how I am completely OCD about my reading list, here are my top five reads of the year (in no particular order)

Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell -- How many people think it is strange that someone would laugh out loud at nearly every paragraph in a book about Puritans? If you say yes, you need to read Sarah Vowell.

State by State by Matt Weiland and Sean Wilsey --- following the WPA guides that were written during the Great Depression, Weiland and Wilsey asked 50 authors to write about a state. Some of the authors had never lived in the state they wrote about, and others were very enthusiastic, life-long residents. Writers include Carrie Brownstein, Anthony Bourdain, Joshua Ferris, Susan Orlean, Ha Jin, and Alison Bechdel. Terrific compilation.

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - wow and wow. It tells the story of the Nigerian-Biafra war during the late 60s.

A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore -- this is another book that made me laugh out loud. I bothered Mary a lot when I read this book because I loved how Moore described people and situations. My only disappointment with this book is how they handled the storyline of the main character's boyfriend. I've heard others were offended by Moore's treatment of Wisconsin residents. To me, it felt like I was reading about home and any liberal college town in the Midwest.

Last Campaign by Thurston Clarke - I almost chose another fiction work for my top 5 but this work really affected me. I read this account of Robert Kennedy's campaign for president shortly before Ted Kennedy died. Thanks Bon for this gift!

Other top books this year:

Fiction

The Beautiful Things that Heaven Bears by Dinaw Menegestu

The Outlander by Gil Adamson

Crow Road by Iain Banks

The Complete Persepolis by Mirjane Satrapi

American Pastoral by Philip Roth

A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick

Non-Fiction

Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 - Lawrence Wright

The Worst Hard Time - Timothy Egan

Islamophobia - Peter Gottschalk

Worst Books:

My Father Frank Lloyd Wright - John Lloyd Wright

Now about the reading list:

Last year, I decided I was tired of not reading enough of my unread books. I felt I needed to create some order but also force myself to read things that have been sitting on my shelves for years. During 2009, I used two different methods of organizing my reading list. First, I have several areas of unread books --- I use LibraryThing for all of my books so I can easily sort by unread books. I use a WorldCat List for all of the books that I don't own but want to read (I have a list to add to the list). I started off with an alphabetical ordering by author's last name and title and then reversing it. The only exception to the alphabetical ordering was adding in titles from Powell's Indiespensable Book Club (best damn thing ever created).

Starting in late 2009, I decided to mix things up some more. I still make exceptions for Powell's books, but I pick a book from shelves or from pages of the WorldCat reading list. Think I am crazy yet? This will convince you.

Start with a Powell's book

Book from one shelf of a bookcase that is fiction

Book from one shelf of a bookcase that is non-fiction

Book from one page of the WorldCat list

Book from one shelf of a bookcase that is in my bedroom (these are usually new books I purchase and really don't want to wait too long to read)

Start over

OCD.

So long 2009

2010-01-03T13:02:00.003-08:00

2009 wasn't a bad year. It wasn't a great year. It was just a good year. The worst part of the year was how it started and ended. I started the year mourning a co-worker who died over the holidays. I ended the year mourning the deaths of two former co-workers. Also, I saw friends of mine have to part with their animals as they passed away. Throughout the year, I was confronted with these reminders of mortality. I'm more mindful of time and relationships as I start 2010.

The best part of 2009 was reconnecting with friends and family. I have to thank Facebook for facilitating this process of reintroducing long lost friends. Whether it is friends from high school or college, I am pleased with the opportunity to reconnect and stay current with people. I've also become closer to family members who are at a great distance. A trip to Illinois this summer helped me reconnect with family, family friends and my best friend. Despite aggravating my general homesickness, I treasured the time spent in Freeport and Chicago. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see everyone I wanted because of the time of year with family vacations or I was trying to balance free time with a conference.

For financial reasons, I was unable to travel as much in 2009. I used some of my extra money to cover conference expenses in Denver and Chicago. I also spent quite a bit of time in Davis. I spent one week just sleeping and reading as Mary worked. We were able to spend a wonderful day with one of my aunts. We also went on our annual trip to Charleston, South Carolina. Not only is it one of my favorite cities, but it is also one of the best library conferences. The best trip in 2009 was spending time with 4 close friends on a Texas ranch. Tubing down a river with a cooler of beer was probably one of the most relaxing moments of 2009.

I started 2009 with many frustrations over my professional career. It wasn't until the late fall that I started to feel better about things. I've always relied on my professional network to help me through difficulties on my local level. It was the same thing this year as I really struggled with morale. Things are settling down and I'm working on some interesting projects.

I am healthy. I keep working through medication issues but I have nothing to complain about. Elston is fine even as her whiskers grow a little whiter and she needs help jumping up on things.

I don't really remember my 2009 resolutions except the one that I would figure things out. Ha. My main 2010 resolution is to try and do a better job of keeping in touch with people. I am horrible with maintaining communication. I also want to do a better job of sustaining my Portland community of friends as I try to figure out where 2010 will take me.

One of those things

2009-12-01T20:41:00.002-08:00

I read this article recently how this woman went out and spent $80,000 because she received a diagnosis of a terminal illness. A little later, she found out that the diagnosis was wrong. Now she is in a deep financial hole.

When I thought I had a limited amount of years, I always took comfort in that I would probably go before Elston. I've dreaded her getting older since she was 2. Now that I am doing better and Elston is 12, I am starting to accept the fact that I will outlive her. Many friends have lost their animals this year. It has been heartbreaking to see or hear their grief. I really don't know how I will handle things when it is time for Elston. I know it is part of being an owner and that I'll know when it is ready. But, this little red dog has been through everything with me. I sometimes think that I would have fallen apart by now except I have someone depending on me for food and walks. Unconditional love.

Elston lost her best dog friend today. I wished they could have had a few more years of becoming old ladies together.

Health Care

2009-11-21T16:34:00.003-08:00

Following the health care debate has reminded me of my good fortune in navigating the health care system. I've worked at places with reasonable health insurance plans, access to premier medical facilities, and my own share of luck.

A little over eight years ago, I was diagnosed with a serious illness. At the time of my diagnosis, I was told I would possibly make it for 15 years. During the last eight years, I received new prognoses ranging from 15 years to six months. My situation changed a year and a half ago through the success of a clinical trial. It was quite a change from three years ago when I was told I had six months.

Dealing with my health situation was not easy. My way of coping was pure denial and not reading everything in the medical literature. I dealt with specialists, multiple opinions and approaches to the disease, regular biopsies and countless blood draws. I went to at least five major medical centers in different parts of the country. The blood draws were the worst because at any appointment, I could receive the news that my situation had changed.

People never understood why I was so private about my tests, my illness or treatment decisions. Easy. If I talked about it then my situation was real. I didn't want to feel I had to provide regular updates nor have people express their opinions on what I should do. Plus, almost everyone disagreed with my approach towards treatment.

It was very hard to explain my level of fatigue. Very few people understood how I felt since I didn't look "sick". I didn't lose significant amounts of weight, hair, or gasped for breath. Some people said they could detect the fatigue. Overall, I was glad that no one could tell the severity of my illness since I was able to go under the radar with friends, family and employers. Hell, I waited a year before I even told my family and closest friends. When I was first diagnosed, the physicians were more concerned with a heart condition that was diagnosed at almost the same time. They cured that problem.

I was lucky that I was never denied health coverage for a preexisting condition. I never had to face the financial devastation of bone marrow transplant. I was not put on drugs that would leave me bankrupt. I still had out of pocket expenses that added up, but not like the other millions of people who suffer. I had doctors who fought through red tape to get me at the front of the line for specialist's opinions and who made themselves available to provide any assistance. Everyone cooperated with my family physicians.

Most of my luck was my age. I was at an unusual age for a rare disease. I turned down trials. I rejected treatment options. To this day, I don't fully understand what made me change my mind and join a trial. I no longer have monthly blood draws. I haven't had a blood transfusion in almost two years. I can go to the doctor without fear. I don't even receive a priority status for the H1N1 vaccination. I can attribute my fatigue to normal reasons.

I don't take my health for granted because I am not cured. I just have faith that my last physician was right in telling me that I was given a second chance. He couldn't tell me it would last forever, but it was enough to let go of the fear.

The point of this? I'm probably preaching to the choir since most of you probably support changes in our healthcare system. As I said before, I was lucky with my health insurance. I won't lie and say it didn't change job choices because it did. But, I am alive and relatively healthy.

Panda Bears

2009-11-14T16:08:00.002-08:00

Today, I went into Borders and was immediately creeped out by the stuffed panda bears that lined an entire wall. I've mentioned before that I really don't like anything in volume except if I am in a grocery store. Animals, bugs, and stuffed animals are a few of the things that scare me when they are in volume. Don't get me started on dolls.

Panda bears always remind me of three people from my past. During college, I worked at the college bookstore. One of the managers had stuffed panda bears in her office. I still have an aversion to any adult professional who has multiple stuffed animals in his/her office. In addition to her stuffed animal lust, she was also the person I suspected for stealing money during closing. I passed along my theories, but nothing ever happened. I wasn't surprised when she decided to retire at a very early age and not too long after the theft. She probably purchased more stuffed animals and continued her buying trips to Wall Drug.

The worst panda bear offense still holds a record for the most bizarre home decorating I've ever encountered. My upstairs neighbors went on their honeymoon and asked my partner and I to watch their place. We lived in a coach house and had always wondered what the upstairs place looked like after its renovation. I could handle the room that was filled with Star Wars figurines hanging from the wall in their original packaging. What I could not handle was the bedroom filled, and I mean filled, with stuffed panda bears of all shapes and sizes. It left me speechless. We even took some of our friends upstairs so they would understand the horror. Granted, this was the same neighbor who starred in some country act. He listed John Oates as one of his musical heroes. John Oates? What about Daryl Hall? Man, I wish I could remember his name because I would love to see what he is doing now and if he is still married to the panda lover.

Charleston

2009-11-10T15:23:00.003-08:00

Update: I completely forgot another restaurant. Listed below.

Yes, I am alive. I really haven't been in the mood to write much on this space. Privacy and time are probably the two largest factors in my silence.

I just returned from a conference in Charleston, South Carolina. Annually, I attend this conference for its excellent content. It doesn't hurt that I love the atmosphere in Charleston, especially its food. Here is where I went this year:

Been before:

Hymans Seafood - it is a tourist trap but a very good one. This was the second year in a row that I had dinner here. I had their Charleston shrimp and grits with a side of mac and cheese. I skipped the usual bowl of boiled peanuts because they taste mildly gross. The cool thing is that the owner makes a huge effort to welcome each of his guests to the restaurant. Downfall? The wine list sucks.

Jestine's Kitchen -- this is a mandatory stop for me. There is nothing in the world that equals their fried chicken, mac and cheese and sweet tea.

Magnolias -- the website needs to get rid of its cheesy music. I had been here once before but didn't really remember the experience. This was one of my best meals. My diet was completely broken with their housemade potato chips with blue cheese. The Parmesan crusted flounder was the best meal of the trip. Its description - served over Carolina rice and creek shrimp purloo with sweet corn, tomato, and asparagus salad, lump crab, and a lemon beurre blanc. Plus, they served Oregon wine.

Slightly North of Broad - Like Jestine's Kitchen, I also visit this restaurant on an annual basis. It is usually my Saturday night place. Scallops galore. I have to admit that I kept making Sarah Palin jokes in my head since it is run by the Maverick restaurant group.

New this year:

Fig - this is the restaurant where I tasted something from the pig's head (I think they scraped things out and made it into a pate) and it resembled pulled pork. I took the smallest bite possible and didn't throw up. I took a break from fish and had a steak.

My cheaper places to hit:

Moe's - I always hit this spot for lunch since it is right across from the conference hotel. Homewrecker - how I love you. Oh no, I just realized there is a location south of Portland.

5 Guys Burgers - some of my dining companions got into an argument about which place is better - 5 Guys or In-n-Out. As a cheeseburger fiend, I would lean towards 5 Guys. It isn't as good as Culvers. It is better than Burgerville's burgers but doesn't meet their fries or shake standards. Confession -- I had the worst heartburn from this meal. Another place I discovered is in the Portland area.

So, another year of conferencing over with and probably a few pounds gained.

Place I forgot:

Fast and French - this is a great place to go in Charleston for lunch. Get a lunch special and a glass of wine comes with it. Instead of eating at one of the communal tables in the center of the action, we were placed in one of their back rooms. It changed the dining experience, except I was able to hear our neighbors talk about a relative who murdered someone and all of the sordid issues surrounding the crime.

Other places I've been to several times and really like:

Hominy Grill

Fish

39 Rue de Jean

Urgency

2009-07-03T18:45:00.008-07:00

It has been awhile since there has been an update on the spider warfare. I really can't talk about it because it is so painful. The last week has left me shaken, especially since it continues to get worse. My hope has almost disappeared, especially since we intercepted an article from Spider Times. It was posted throughout the neighborhood.

------------For Immediate Release--------------

The Spider President has released a statement that operations against the "narrow, green house" have almost succeeded. Earlier today, there was wide speculation of a victory march into the residence as early as Saturday, but the President called off any premature celebrations. "I realize that our nation and army have worked so hard over the last seven years against this human and her dog, but we cannot let our guard down. Our top defense commanders agree that the human is at her breaking point. We need a few more missions and then a month long celebration of parades and feasts will take place."

Throughout the winter and spring, field reports were coming in that a second human was the weak link in the house. As sentries were posted in the house, the human would simply remove them outside. Spider psychologists have no response to this very unusual response. They hope to interrogate the human once it is captured to better understand its motivations. One theory is that the second human is a double spy for Spider Nation. Top administrators have denied employing a human spy. Another theory is that the second human is working for another operation or simply trying to kill the other human. Spider Administration has refused theories that any of these non-killings are diplomatic gestures. "Why would we consider this an act of diplomacy? The second human has never slowed down its killing. How would it look for our President to visit those soldier's families and tell them that we were trying to reason with this murderer? These families want their sons and daughters removed from the killing fields for proper burial. That is the only conversation we will have with this monster human", says Spider Ambassador.

The Spider response was one of defiance. More assassins were sent into the battlefield. The first human tried training the orange cat and red dog.

The second human tried scaring us off with a member of Tarantula Nation. It was laughed off as a simple replica.

Concerns were eliminated when spies reported that the two animals were the laziest of all sentries. It is rumored that Spider Soldiers were disciplined after drinking Web Juice 100 and building web monuments on the animals as they slept on duty. Pictures will tell the story of the poor defense offered by "lazy cat" and "old dog".

Because the reports of successful missions were almost too good to be true, Spider President sent General Cross Legs to verify these reports. It was the first documented entry of a General or Administration member into the human's house.

This shot of General Cross Legs was taken moments before the second human relocated him outside. The gasps of Spider onlookers were heard miles away. Not only was he discovered, but he was released without any conditions. After a thorough examination by Spider doctors, he requested that Defense Secretary Cross Eyes survey the enemy territory. As Spider Bodyguards swept through the house, Secretary Cross Eyes also entered the house. Again, the second human captured and released him. "It is clear that we have entered a new stage of our campaign. My attempts at communicating with the second human failed because I was too surprised by its actions", said Secretary Cross Eyes.

Rumors spread that Spider President was not as pleased with his secretary and general as expected since they did not strike at the other human or create a web victory sign. Instead, he ordered the most daring of attacks, and it nearly succeeded.

Last night, Spider Assassin 878 entered the human's bedroom. He perched near its window and above its bed. As the human called out for assistance, 878 saw the red dog run from the room. The second human went to catch 878 for release. At this coordinated moment, a Special Forces member breached the DMZ and ran on its bed. The human screamed. The second human displayed more Spider brilliance by capturing him. It released both of them without any interrogation. A recording device has picked up signs of a very shaken human. A poor recording picks up its concerns of the breached DMZ, lack of sleep, and the appearance of senior defense leaders. No more official statements have been released to the press except a smirk and comment of "just wait for the next operation."

Financial Times

2009-02-01T12:07:00.003-08:00

I'm officially freaked out by the economy. I have been for awhile but it is starting to sink in more and more each day. Everyday, I read about more layoffs. I see local businesses shut their doors, including the place where I get my haircut (damn!). Businesses that I have always grown up with are declaring bankruptcy or have already disappeared. My retirement money is evaporating. I have less money with each paycheck because my debt is just increasing. I have no safety net.

I have cut back on groceries, going out to dinner, and going out with friends. Living expenses and debt....that is what I am working for these days. I think about how much I am cutting back and how many other millions of people there like me who are doing the same - how will our economy improve? I don't know what I would do right now if I lost my job. The economy has definitely altered many of my life plans for at least the next year.

I read somewhere that someone recommended bailing out taxpayers by helping us pay our debts. If we had less debt, we could start buying more things. Granted, we would probably just head down the consumer path until we started accruing debt again. But, I know that if I had at least one debt paid off, I would be able to pour more money into the local economy. I would also work on paying off the rest of my debts. Wishful thinking.

I think we've all had a wake-up call about living closer to our means. Meanwhile, I have some major bills coming up - a huge car repair bill and a looming vet bill. I'm relieved that I have a job but I feel zero financial security.

President Obama

2009-01-21T15:53:00.002-08:00

Let me just write that again - President Obama. It still doesn't seem real that we have a new president, an African-American family in the White House and that the era of Bush and Cheney are over. We have a president who loves basketball and is a Chicagoan. It couldn't be better.

Another year

2009-01-02T22:03:00.003-08:00

I can't seem to find the mental space to write even simple blog posts. I should just start writing all of my pithy comments and make everyone suffer.

I am really glad that 2008 is over. 2007 was horrible. 2008 was about recovering from 2007. I am ready to move on. I won't bother making any resolutions since I never follow them after the first week or so. In my head, I have an idea of how I want to approach 2009. I've managed to sustain this idea for the last two days. We'll see how I am doing after a month.

Random section of the post: In the latter part of the year, I started to question what I want to do. Am I really settled into the librarian thing? Do I want to try something else? Do I want to stay in Portland? I can't say that I have all of the answers but I postponed making any decisions until my brain feels a little more clear. I keep thinking of a former co-worker (current place of employment) who told us at one of her last meetings before she retired (I need to paraphrase the exact quote), "Don't take things so fucking serious." Amen. I've almost become really bitter with everything that bugs me about my profession. I could write a million word rant. On the other hand, I get these moments of pure satisfaction and joy out of my career that make the annoying things seem so minor. I am always blown away by the amazing people I have met through my career. So, I guess it isn't all bad. I've been thinking a lot about all of those amazing people and how they have shaped my thoughts or inspire me to do a better job.

I want to write a post of my highlights or thoughts about the year but I need to get some sleep. I'll leave you with a photo essay of 2008 from one of my favorite blogs - 2008 part I, 2008 part II and 2008 part III.

Happy New Year everyone.

Crazy weather

2008-12-22T08:41:00.002-08:00

This is what is going on in the Portland area. I have some photos on my picasa site. I hope to get some more today. I haven't left the house since Friday night except to take the dog out. Shovel? We only have a dirt shovel. Ice? We removed around 2 inch slabs of ice from our cars. Snow? Still coming down.

I haven't received the paper in two days. We'll see if we get mail or UPS shipments today. Work? Closed for the second time in a week. I've had a sore throat/head cold for the last week so my patience is starting to run out. I would enjoy this so much more if I could breathe normally.

Mary is supposed to fly in Tuesday night. It is hard for me to remain optimistic.

Oh and it is still snowing.

Good Times

2008-12-03T22:01:00.002-08:00

Ahhh...back in Oregon. Back to really bad budget news.

I foresee a very rocky future.

Craziness at Walmart

2008-11-29T21:18:00.002-08:00

I just caught up on newspapers (life story...I think I am usually 2-3 days behind) and was reading about the death that happened yesterday at a Walmart. I don't have a problem with Black Friday shopping. I don't take part in it because I don't like crowds and I really hate to get up early. I don't have issues with people trying to get bargains. Money is tight. Hell, I would have probably considered getting up super early and going to Best Buy if I could get a flat screen tv for super cheap.

Back to Walmart and the article I was reading...the people who stormed the store and trampled over Walmart employees are sick. What makes a human try to break through the doors for a bargain? People are blaming Walmart for not providing enough store security but why aren't they just blaming the crazy shoppers? Are they sitting around this weekend thinking about their actions or are they just pissed off because they had to leave the store when someone died?

I don't get it.

Still alive...

2008-11-26T17:25:00.002-08:00

Yes, I am around. I just haven't been in a blogging kind of mood. I've been in a downright funk for most of November. I wanted to say all of these things about the election and my trip to Charleston, but my real funk descended on me right around that time.

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things now that I have caught up on a few personal things.

Stress

2008-11-03T16:47:00.002-08:00

I head off tomorrow to a conference in Charleston. I really hope that this year isn't a repeat of 2004 when I had to drown my sorrows in various Charleston bars. I don't care what the pundits say...I'm nervous. I just don't trust anything after the last two elections.

Studs

2008-10-31T13:04:00.003-08:00

R.I.P. I loved Studs Terkel.

He is Chicago to me. I have two vivid memories of him - the first time I heard him speak was at Bughouse Square during the Newberry Library book sale. Back in the day, people would go to Bughouse Square and debate. Every year during the sale, they get local Chicago people to stand up and speak their mind. Studs got up there with his trademark red socks and railed about whatever was on his mind that day. The last time I saw him was at the anti-war rally in Daley Plaza when Barack Obama was running for the Senate. I went to hear Studs and no one else.

I can't even select my favorite book because they've all meant a lot to me. Race, Hope Dies Last, Hard Times, and Will the Circle Be Unbroken probably rise to the top.

This is a day that I've dreaded for a very long time.

I would rather die

2008-10-22T13:34:00.001-07:00

This climber ate centipedes to stay alive

Now I am sure some of you are thinking that I am crazy to choose death over a 'pede, but I'm not kidding.

Going too far

2008-10-08T16:07:00.002-07:00

Things are getting really ugly on the political front. I am relieved that some of the nasty attacks didn't come up in the debate, however, I would have liked McCain to say some of his attacks to Obama's face.

One of the commenters last night talked about the type of climate that Palin and McCain are creating with their personal attacks and how we are slipping into dangerous territory. I agree. Speaking at recent Palin or McCain/Palin rallies, people have yelled "off with his head", "kill him" and "treason". It is offensive that Palin or McCain are not doing anything to stop this type of hatred. What does this mean? I take away that they have no objections to the comments. I believe they have a responsibility to speak up and denounce audience members who spout off this crap. I would expect the same thing of Obama and Biden.

We are entering dangerous territory and it makes me really pissed off at McCain and Palin. It just proves that they are not the type of leaders we need.

Signs the country is falling apart

2008-10-06T21:05:00.002-07:00

Why our economy is going down the tubes - within minutes of each other, different individuals from AIG and Lehman Brothers found my blog doing a search on spiders.

Question 1: Shouldn't these employees be saving our economy?

Question 2: Should I wonder if there is some connection between spiders and the downfall of these two companies? It is possible they were working on some investigative research.

Palin. I am still amazed that there are people who think she is qualified to serve as vice-president. What has our country settled for when we take someone who is clearly in over her head and potentially elect her for second-in-command? I know one person who has defended her and thinks she is the greatest thing on earth. Personally, I have lost all respect for this person because they obviously have the political intelligence of an acorn. As Tim Robbins said on the Daily Show, I want someone who is an elite and not like me in the Executive Branch.

I am scared about tomorrow's debate.

Pelosi?

2008-09-29T17:25:00.002-07:00

Now I am pissed off (actually I have been pissed off a lot of times over the last 8 years but this one is more targeted at McCain instead of Bush). Blaming Pelosi for the failure of the bail out package? Republicans are saying the bail out package failed because of a partisan speech given by Pelosi. Read the transcript of her speech here (scroll to the bottom). Thank God for Barney Frank.

Aaarrgghh.

State of the World

2008-09-28T22:15:00.002-07:00

Last night's SNL skit with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler is the funniest thing I have ever watched on SNL. I think I have watched it at least 5 times. I am laughing now just thinking about Tina Fey.

Debate: is McCain 12? Because when I was 12 years old, I also refused to make eye contact with people that I didn't like. Mr. Condescending just looked grumpy. Obama - you need a little more fire in your responses.

When will someone start talking about the Keating scandal?????

The number one highlight of the weekend:

I am sitting on the couch and I notice Elston darting after something. I notice she is kinda chewing on something. I call her. She comes to me and I notice a large black spot on the carpet. A huge, super large, super duper sized dead spider. I was somewhat horrified at how large it was and a little disgusted at the thought of Elston trying to eat the spider. Now I know that I have complained about her lack of spider killing but it grossed me out. Granted, I am pleased she killed it before it came closer to me but I really don't want to witness these things. I was going to pick it up but got distracted by the Bears game. During a timeout, I went to go pick it up and it was gone. I swear that Elston grinned at me. It was one large spider. The big season of mammoth spiders is upon us. I really need to call an exterminator to spray the perimenter of the house.

Quote of the day

2008-09-19T23:34:00.003-07:00

I made some reference to Sarah Palin when I was getting my haircut.

My hair stylist: Who is Sarah Palin?

I seriously thought she was joking. She wasn't. She is a really smart woman in her early 30's. Granted, she was out of the loop when she was at Burning Man but she has been back for awhile.

This is why the citizens of this country scare me at election time.

ALERT.ALERT.ALERT.ALERT

2008-09-18T18:08:00.002-07:00

Intercepted transmission from Spider Nation: At 1700 hours, a reconnaissance mission was thwarted by Human. Agent #567 was met with a brutal death by Human weaponry. The Human let out some battle cry as It hit #567. All members of Elite Tactical Team are to be on guard for Human, Red Dog, Orange Cat, and Striped Cat. Intelligence shows that the animal units are not a serious threat. See below for the mission plan that was thwarted:

------------18 September 2008 Reconnaissance Mission-------------

All members of the Elite Tactical Team are to canvass the Human's quarters. Objectives include: inventory of weaponry, map launch pads for future attacks, place decoys, and investigate future hiding spaces. All Elite Team members should pay special attention to the "special little space" filled with objects. Your commanders view this space as a vulnerable spot for the Human. It is filled with Human objects where Spider Nation can occupy. Please note that this area poses risks as Human weaponry is stored on the ground floor of this space. Spider Physician says the chemical pneumonia agent was successful but Human has fully recovered. Regardless, Spider Igor Biologist received special commendation from Spider President. Spider Psychologist notes that Human seems distracted these days with Human concerns. For this reason, 18 September 2008, is the chosen day for the reconnaissance mission.

Hiding from the media

2008-09-11T22:30:00.002-07:00

Why aren't more people concerned that the McCain campaign is keeping Palin so far from the media? At least it minimizes the impact of them hitting different states since she is only campaigning with him.

I keep waiting to wake up from this really bad dream.

Comments....

2008-09-11T13:32:00.002-07:00

There was a caller today on NPR who said that she didn't want her kids learning about 9/11 in school. She felt it was her motherly role to tell her kids about something that is disturbing. The host of the program questioned her since the role of teaching history to kids usually happens in the schools. She didn't care.

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent. Doesn't this parent think about her children's education and our educational system if we relied on all parents to teach their kids about our history? I don't remember my parents protecting me from horrible moments in our past.

I'm also so frustrated with McCain and all of the hypocrisy. Since I am one of the cynical few who think McCain will win this because the American people are too stupid - I was pleased to see that Obama is starting to hit back. I especially like Obama's comment:

"Enough," Obama declared yesterday while campaigning in Norfolk, Va. "I don't care what they say about me. But I love this country too much to let them take over another election with lies and phony outrage and Swift boat politics. Enough is enough."

Lipstick on a pig? This is what pisses me off about McCain and the media (this is fresh on my mind because Jon Stewart did a piece on this the other night) - McCain used the same quote to describe Hillary Clinton's health care policy. They cried out when Clinton's campaign cried sexism when questioned by Obama's campaign or the media. Yet, they are doing the exact same thing.

I guess I'm in a mood today. I nearly throttled the Rite-Aid pharmacist.

Summer 2008

2008-09-10T21:41:00.004-07:00

Now that summer is coming to a close, I've been a little down. I've started noticing some leaves changing colors. I wasn't as active this summer as I would have liked. I didn't do all of those things that I tell myself I will do in the summer months.

I started thinking about what I did the summer of '08.

- I spent a great, long weekend on the Oregon coast with some of my closest friends.

- I went to Michigan for a week with my family. I spent time in a small community that always interested me when I lived in Chicago. I was able to drink Bell's beer.

- I drove to California twice to see Mary in her new space.

- I moved into a new place with the first platonic roommate I've had since the mid-90's. I am still unorganized from the move, so this goes down as the most unorganized move in my history.

- I received great health news and then pneumonia took me down.

- Reconnected with old friends from high school and saw one of my favorite college friends for the first time since 1992.

- Best book: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.

- Best movie: Once on video and The Dark Knight in the theatre. I also admit that I loved Tropic Thunder.

- Television: Episodes of "The Wire" and the Olympics.

- Song of the summer: this one is tough. "Tell Me" by Maria Taylor and "Woodcat" by Tunng were the songs at the beginning of the summer. Now I am listening to the Once soundtrack with "Falling Slowly" as my favorite.

- Restaurant of the summer: Por Que No. Favorite find? Fonda Rosa (Shannon, we need to go back!).

- Drink of the summer: Coke Zero. I really haven't been drinking much this summer except when I was downing all of the Bell's beer in Michigan or the coastal weekend. I've actually gone almost a month without a beer. Shudder.

- Best moment of the summer: Going to see a show with all three members of my favorite band standing right in front of me. One of them performed as a guest member of a band. I giggled a lot that night.

I'm probably missing stuff but this seems like my summer.

Ode to Elston

2008-09-06T20:28:00.005-07:00

September 2003

September 6, 2008.

Elston is 11 years old today. Humor me while I give you the highlights of her life.

Adoption/Coach house on Buckingham
I still remember the random Saturday when Nicole and I drove past the Anti-Cruelty Society and decided to stop in to see the dogs. A few hours later, we had adopted this little red dog. We spent the rest of the day getting dog supplies before we could pick her up in a few days. We went out to dinner with my sister, Amy, at a restaurant that was across from the shelter. We tried to point her out to Amy. She was the one who came up with the name, Elston, as we drank beers. The first few weeks were rough as we tried to teach her to go outside in the bitter cold of a February snowstorm. I wouldn't even take my coat off. I would just sit bundled up at our kitchen table - warming up before the next trip outside.

That was one of Elston's many living spaces and the first of three in Chicago. She mostly stayed out of trouble as she gained weight and grew out of her puppy phase. It was a great neighborhood for dogs. Her favorite spot? The Belmont rocks on Lake Michigan.

Logan Square years
- Taking her to meet our potential landlord. She hated riding in a car so we gave her relaxation medicine so she wouldn't appear so hyper. It had the reverse effect but we still passed the test.
- She would look out the window at the various drug dealers. Good times.
- Elston and I moved to a different apartment in the building when Nicole and I broke up. She had a different view of the same drug dealers.
- She was attacked by a neighbor's Rottweiler. It turned into the feud of the summer.
- She met Jane.

Eugene
- Her first cross-country move was probably the most difficult. She was very agitated on the drive. We couldn't leave her alone at all.
- Her firsts: flowers, crazy spiders, actual parks, and staying in hotels.
- She met Sophie, Brian, Abby, and Bonnie.
- She nearly died from a bee sting.
- She watched different type of drug dealers from the living room window.

New Jersey
- She saw lots of dirt.
- She had a terrific group of dog friends.
- First vacation - Provincetown and another vacation to Chicago.
- Became addicted to Greenies.
- She fell in love with Mary.
- No drug dealers but crazy old lady across the street to watch over.
- Took lots of care of her mom.

Portland
- The last cross country move.
- First place with an elevator and a fireplace.
- Two vacations to California and a vacation on the coast.
- New friends - Vida, Erin, Kiki.
- Back to flowers, grass, and spiders.
- Started living with cats.
- Watched people going into the library and then a boring front yard.

She still looks young and has lots of energy. Elston has been there through the worst - the moves and the break-ups. Yet, she really hasn't changed over the years except a growing addiction to treats and a little more sleeping. When she was a puppy, my vet said that she would be the best dog I would ever own. How true. I just wish she would always stay young. (I can't go there otherwise I'll have a breakdown).

Unlike her first birthday, I didn't force her to wear a tiara on a walk around the neighborhood. A new toy and some treats were her gifts this year. Happy Birthday, Elston.

Time flies

2008-09-05T13:24:00.003-07:00

I wish I could say it has flown by because I have been having fun. After 4 weeks of a worsening cough, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I am now resting and taking lots of drugs. Why is it that I always think of all the things I could do with bed rest but now I am too tired to do any of it? It always works out that way.

Other things going on:

Trip to Davis: I did drive to Davis for a long weekend. We had a nice weekend other than sounding like a TB ward. We spent a nice day in Napa and buying too much wine. Movies, hanging out in her neighbor's pool, and coughing. Elston went along for the ride and enjoyed her second trip to Davis. We also drove down with one of my co-workers. We had a nice drive chatting about everything.

Conventions. I don't really know where to start. I should have just live blogged both of them because I am drawing some blanks. The entire Republican convention left me frustrated. Palin? Hockey mom? Please. If anyone really think she is that involved in the day-to-day lives of her children...you need to be examined. I love that Jon Stewart called her a four eyed wolf hunter. Based on their speeches, you would never know that the economy is in the tank. National security...blah...blah....freedom....blah blah. Change? They are the ones in power. I am horrified and a little scared of the Palin pick. She was far too comfortable getting up there and throwing out her one-liners. McCain was boring. Really boring. Rudy? I can't even describe my anger. Best moment of the convention - Palin's youngest daughter smoothing the baby's hair with her spit.

Democrats - I thought Biden, Obama, Gore, and the Clintons did a great job. Enough said.

I'm just not optimistic about November. I guess I don't have enough faith in my fellow citizens.

Text message

2008-08-23T09:03:00.002-07:00

Where was my text message from Obama? Good thing I saw a message from Politico last night telling me that Obama picked Biden.

I was just telling Mary about the '88 election primary season and how Biden was my choice. The summer before the primaries, I watched CSPAN a lot. He was the one I liked...okay and Paul Simon. It was also the summer that I saw a small Simon gathering at the Iowa City Public Library.
I guess it all fell apart when the plagiarism issue hit Biden and I realized he was unelectable. It is pretty cool to see him 20 years later on a presidential ticket. I like the choice.

!0 years and counting

2008-08-22T16:33:00.001-07:00

Men happier than women

Great.

Moments of brilliance

2008-08-20T14:50:00.002-07:00

I just received a concert ticket update in my email. I was excited to see the list of upcoming shows until I realized it is still an email list from the NYC days. I need an intervention.

Quiet these days

2008-08-13T10:24:00.003-07:00

As you already know, I've been pretty quiet these days. I'm kinda going through a hard time right now for reasons I can't really explain or want to explain in such a public forum. It isn't anything earth shattering or cause for alarm. I'm just trying to keep up with things so blogging and emailing are falling behind.

Bangs head

2008-07-31T22:27:00.003-07:00

I just can't keep up with everything. I guess vacation threw a wrench into everything along with a hectic work week and a cold that has me down.

I need to keep my anti-Gwyneth campaign going with this news

I saw a picture of someone wheeling Michael Jackson around in a wheelchair. It seems like a thousand years since I thought Michael was a normal superstar.

I still regret not seeing the Wimbledon men's final.

Bell's Brewery is returning to the Chicago market. Who wants to mail me beer and be my best friend for life?

I've started keeping track of my mileage. I've never done this before. Somehow I attribute tracking my mileage to my age. I'm getting older.

Post-vacation blues

2008-07-27T21:54:00.002-07:00

I find it funny that while I was in the Midwest, I looked forward to returning to Portland. Now that I am back in PDX, I just want to leave. I know part of my problem is that I am dreading work tomorrow. Really dreading. The next two weeks look really hellish.

I posted vacation pics on my picasa site. How was the trip?

- I drank a lot of Bell's beer. Actually, everyone drank a lot of Bell's beer.

- Saugatuck and Douglas are cute towns. We didn't run out of things to do but they were smaller than I thought.

- I really hate mosquitoes. All of us complained the first couple of days but we still did outside activities around the house. By the end of the week, we really didn't do as much outdoors.

- A* is a ruthless croquet player. I could hear the monopoly game and uno games going on and was relieved I didn't participate. I am far too competitive when it comes to uno.

- Everyone made great meals.

- It was great having Mary join us for part of the week.

- I read two books and almost caught up on three months of Entertainment Weekly

Things I did: walked on a beach, nice birthday dinner for my sister, slept a lot, boat tour of Kalamazoo lake, river and Lake Michigan, played miniature golf, rode a go-kart, played arcade games, nice belated birthday lunch in Holland (Michigan), shopped, played croquet, basketball, and ping-pong.

I didn't do as much as my sisters and their families but I really wanted the time to read and sleep. Now I am back home and in a major funk.trave

Vacation and perfect picture

2008-07-18T10:55:00.001-07:00

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/07/17/funny-pictures-spider-wuz-huge/

I love goats and you know how I feel about spiders.

Heading out later today for vacation. I am counting the minutes. I really need to get away before I lose my mind.

More on the media

2008-07-10T21:44:00.002-07:00

Here is more information on the decline in coverage of the Iraq war.

It brought back memories of my flight to Birmingham and the mini-ceremony when a casket was removed from the plane.

Some links

2008-07-06T18:22:00.002-07:00

I am using part of the long weekend to catch up on my blog reading. I also spent a lot of time in the print world by finishing a book and catching up on a weeks worth of the NY Times.

- Reading some library blogs reminded me why I wasn't sad about missing ALA. Annoyed Librarian described it better than any other blogs. Most of the people that I wanted to see were not at the conference. The other group of people were either people I just saw in the last few months or we've been emailing back and forth. There was one dinner that I regret missing but not much else.

- I love the idea of this airline.

- This just cracks me up. Unfortunately the headlines in today's sports section were about his injury and loss in the 200 meters.

And, this just makes me sad and angry.

Overheard on train

2008-07-04T14:45:00.002-07:00

Yesterday on my light rail train - a guy gets on the train selling candy.

Guy: Would you like to buy some candy to help me out?

Woman: Do you have anything vegan?

Guy: Uh, I don't know. The mints?

Woman:You should really make sure to sell more vegan things. It will only become more popular. I'll go ahead and give you some money but you should really get more vegan things.

Guy: Uh, okay. Thank you. Bless you.

Woman: Really, vegan things are very important.

Road Trips

2008-06-30T20:23:00.003-07:00

At the last minute, I decided to take off on a road trip for my birthday. Elston and I piled in the car for a drive to Davis, California. It was the best birthday that I've had in years. More importantly, we were able to see Mary's new digs and spend quality time together. We had lots of great meals, a WNBA game (go former Rutgers players!), naps, and checking out Davis. Plus, I was able to try In-N-Out burger. Crazy good.

It was also nice to get in the car and just drive. There was no pressure to get anywhere fast. It was 18 quality hours with Elston. The only downfall was the poor air quality from fires in Northern California. Oh and the bird that I murdered when it hit my car. I think it was a suicidal mission.

The weekend was too short. I'm having a hard time adjusting to my regular routine.

Spider Chronicles - North Battlefield

2008-06-19T07:15:00.001-07:00

My friends, I hate to inform you but my new home has placed me in the heart of a new, more violent, Spider battlefield. I hesitate to tell you all of the details because I don't want you to fear for my safety or to give children nightmares. Yes, it is bad.

Apparently, the Spiders took advantage of a vacant house to turn it into some sort of Spider safehouse or even headquarters. The exact purpose of my house is unclear to me. What is clear to me is that we are dealing with savvier enemies.

Spider Forces
I need to state right from the start that these Spiders are significantly larger than the NE Portland branch of Spider nation. I don't know what they are feeding on but their size and speed is noteworthy, if not frightening. I can handle small and medium size Spiders. These are gigantic.

Dead Legs: These members of the Spider Forces are standing watch over something that is in the basement. I haven't determined if it is a weapons stash, meeting place, sleeping quarters or the headquarters of North Portland Spider Nation. Unfortunately, the washer and dryer are located in the basement. This poses problems for obvious reasons.

Agents: These are scary agents. Large. Very large. Fast. I have seen them try various maneuvers: hide under the bathroom rug and then strike in the early morning hours; stalk the bathroom floor and run fast; and the sink maneuver. The latter is the most alarming especially at 5:30 in the morning. These agents can swim! I know that the leaders are encouraging them to breach the DMZ - my bed. Red Dog is completely useless in defending our territory.

Assassin: Yes, they exist and I saw one last evening. It died.

Troops: I am assuming that I will only see these troops outside. I am trying to figure out their nutritional habits because they seem quite large.

I am waiting for the Special Orb Forces and Leaders to appear. So far, we are safe but I know they exist. They are watching us.

Human Tactics:
I have tried various measures to counteract the Spider hell I seem to have moved into.

Shoe Weaponry: I have used this twice to great success (One agent and Assassin)

Mowing: I can't take too much credit for the use of mower weaponry. It was purely accidental when I mowed over a Death Leg. Really. It is also isn't an effective weapon inside the house.

Relocation: This is the most controversial tactic and one that I refuse to use. BP and Mary have used this method with Death Legs. Mary did engage in Operation Massive Death Leg Relocation. It was an impressive display of moving at least 7-8 Death Legs out of the home.

Drowning: At this point, I have tried this with the Agents who are practicing sink maneuvers. The Agent who showed up this morning refused to drown. I believe the Agent faked his death and used the drain escape route. Is this considered waterboarding?

I am now moving into more extreme tactics.

Noise Torture: I have deployed multiple noise sensors that are supposed to drive out Spider forces and their prey. While I have noticed a decline in the enemy, I am not completely satisfied especially after the Thursday morning sink strike of an Agent.

Canine and Feline: Red Dog needs training. She took out an Agent that suddenly appeared on her doctor's waiting room floor. I still think it is a big "ha-ha, see I can kill them but only when you take me to places I don't like." Felines are moving in this weekend but I have been warned that they are not trained in Spider warfare.

Chemical Warfare: I am seriously contemplating bringing in a professional chemical weapons expert to secure the perimeter.

Meanwhile, I need to face the dark terrain and do laundry. My personal safety blanket will either be xanax or a lot of alcohol.

It hasn't been an easy time. I hate to say this but they could win this battle.

Weekends

2008-06-09T21:29:00.002-07:00

I had one of the best weekends with close friends on the Oregon coast. We rented a house, drank a lot, ate great food and laughed so much it hurt. Elston discovered that she is a future beach bum. I really needed that weekend. More than anything, I loved spending time with some of the finest friends a person could have.

Lots of other things to say especially about the recent political news. I think this video sums it up. By the way, Wonkette is one of my favorite blogs.

Hope for me yet

2008-06-04T11:16:00.001-07:00

The French Fry Diet

Utah

2008-06-04T11:03:00.002-07:00

I am so far behind in papers that I feel really out of touch with things. I know that some famous people have died this week, including the amazing Bo Diddly. But, I was incredibly sad to read that Utah Phillips passed away last week. Ani DiFranco brought me to his music with her 1996 recording with Utah. I saw him perform in probably 2002 or 2003 at the Old Town School of Folk Music. It was a great show with him mostly telling stories. He told the audience of his heart condition and that he was starting to slow down.

Sad news.

No longer library living

2008-06-02T17:26:00.002-07:00

I no longer live above a library. I love our cute house even though I am currently surrounded by chaos. I've decided in-city moves are more hectic than long distance ones. We had some fun with our movers who were some really nice guys. I started off the day irritated because they were running really late but we were all hugging goodbye when they left. The pressure is on to get some order because later this week some of my favorite people in the world are coming for a visit. Granted, we are heading off to the coast after one night but I want them to enjoy our place and not stare at a mountain of boxes.

Elston is adjusting. She developed her annual allergies so I took her to the vet for more drugs. I also had her checked out for a few other symptoms that popped up this week. Everything is fine except my vet enabled her addiction. She asked if I was giving Elston chews, like Greenies. Great. She advocated that I continue giving her Greenies. Enabler or pusher. I can't decide.

There are other funny things from this weekend that I want to write about but I am so fried. I also need to head off to Home Depot to prepare for some chemical warfare against the North Portland tribe of spiders. Oh yeah. It is an ugly situation.

Yea, another move

2008-05-29T22:32:00.002-07:00

It is my last night in my apartment. I've decided that moving really brings lots of emotions to the forefront. I think I have relived the last few years of my life in a matter of weeks. I can't say that I have been the most stable person for the last week. At least this move isn't so far away.

A certain dog is starting to exhibit signs of moving stress. Itchy belly? Check. Acting weird towards other dogs? Check. Insisting on more treats? Check. Connected to my body? Check.

On a positive note, the new place is shaping up. We've had some friends help out painting the dining room. We are going on a great trip next week with some of our closest friends. Mary is now on the same coast. Money saving days are ahead of me. And we will have two BBQs. Heh.

Bad news? A new spider issue. Stay tuned.

Spring

2008-05-24T20:42:00.003-07:00

One of my least favorite things about living in the Northwest is that we rarely get to enjoy a thunderstorm. Tonight, I am watching from my window (I know...safety) a true Spring thunderstorm. The sky is this amazing purple/gray color with one of the tallest rainbows I have ever seen. I can hear thunder in the distance. It is so appropriate because I have been so homesick today. I should clarify - homesick for Chicago combined with some nostalgia for New Jersey days.

I just realized that I am in the tallest building around.

Everyone is busy

2008-05-22T21:06:00.008-07:00

Yea, the title refers to all of the people I know who feel overwhelmed or just crazy busy. Is there something in the air? Even though I was at a conference for 3 days, I was glad to get away from the packing. It was great to see old friends and make some new ones. My big accomplishment? Finally going on the chairlift (Magic Mile). Two people twisted my arm to go along for the ride. I am so scared of heights that I would never go on the jungle gym in elementary school. Yet, I survived. On the way up the mountain, I thought I was going to throw up especially when the lift would stop. Fortunately, my chair mates were patient and didn't mock my shaky hands. The entire time we were going up, I kept commenting on how the ride down would be even scarier. Not true at all. I am not sure if it was the amazing view of Mt Jefferson but the ride down was a piece of cake.

Going up

Coming down

Apparently, a certain dog misbehaved while I was away. Brian notified me that a red dog was hatching a plan with a neighbor's dog to hijack a Greenie truck in Southwest Portland. Brian caught them in the act.
Sophie is the innocent one in this photo

Meanwhile, I became a Great Aunt when my nephew and his wife welcomed a little girl into the family.

Many good things to divert my attention from all of the mixed thoughts swirling around my head.

And another thing

2008-05-16T23:01:00.002-07:00

I don't want to hear anymore comments on my Elston posing for group therapy after watching this video. What does it say about me that I laughed hysterically at the "bad" dog when it was laughing as it walked across the room?

Birthday wishes

2008-05-16T22:45:00.002-07:00

Studs Terkel turned 96 today. May he live many more years.

Hotter than hell

2008-05-16T22:05:00.002-07:00

Busy. Oh, so busy. Why the title? It was at least 95 degrees today in Portland. I would argue that was around 25 degrees too hot. We had temperatures in the 40's earlier in the week. I can't say that I am thrilled with the transition from May to August temperatures.

Tomorrow I head to a conference on Mt Hood. Right now the snow sounds very appealing as I have every fan in the metro area blowing on my face. The timing of the conference couldn't be worse as I try to move and catch up on everything else at work/home. On the other hand, I am looking forward to staying at Timberline Lodge and relaxing with colleagues. It is one of the best venues for a conference. It will be the first time in 3 years that I have attended so it is good to be back.

Moving. It is happening. We picked up the keys on Wednesday and have started moving things in. My mom was here this week and packed up my entire living room and kitchen. I can't believe how we lucked out with this place. My apartment has already rented to the first person who looked at it.

Overall, I had a really busy week with my mom's visit and the whole move thing. It was a really nice week. We did get out a little - a day trip to Astoria, Oregon, celebrated a friend's birthday, had dinner with a college friend (one of the coolest guys I've ever known), celebrated a new place and a friend's new job, a concert (Girlyman) and Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden. I hope to post some pictures when I get back from the conference.

Crisis in the Northwest

2008-05-13T08:26:00.003-07:00

I haven't enjoyed the taste of coffee for about two weeks. I had a cup at dinner last night that was really good but that is it. I am worried that I will be exiled from Portland or from my circle of friends. I thought about faking it but they are too smart for any deception.

I should really have some Dutch Brothers to see how deep this distaste is growing. I am screwed if this turns to beer.

What I've Been Up To

2008-05-04T12:47:00.004-07:00

I am behind in email so I haven't been sending much to all of you.

But, I did get a place with my friend, BP. Photos are on the right hand side (picasa link). It is a great 3 bedroom, two bathroom place in the Arbor Lodge neighborhood of Portland. My commute will suck but the place is really nice and perfect for all of the animals. Yes, animals. I am going to live with cats for the first time in my life. I am sure Dr. Seuss and Parnell will love Elston and she will be nice to the boys. We are crossing my fingers on my allergies.

We get the keys on the 14th and I need to be out of my apartment at the end of the month. I am going to start packing today. At least I am not moving cross-country so I can be a little more sloppy to prevent breakage. Stressed? A little.

It is also a little sad packing up this place. This apartment was such a great place for me to land when I first arrived in Portland. My friends have moved out of the building so the dorm atmosphere changed and my view of Mt Hood is disappearing with the building of a Whole Foods a few blocks away.

Anniversaries

2008-04-30T10:59:00.002-07:00

I looked at the calendar today and realized that tomorrow is the anniversary of when I moved from NJ. It has been in the back of my head for the last several weeks but now it is staring me in the face. A year. It seems like yesterday when I pulled away from the apartment with a very drugged up dog as my front seat passenger. The enormity of the situation didn't hit me until I was somewhere in Wyoming or Montana. I still don't think it has really set in or maybe it has and that is why the last month has been especially difficult.

It hasn't been an easy year. Honestly, it has been one of the most difficult times of my life. Up and down, up and down.

I used to work for a professor who used to spend every May 1st at a Chicago bar as he toasted the workers of the world. It was his personal holiday. I joined him one year and thought his choice of a bar was a little off. We celebrated at an up and coming microbrewery located in a changing industrial section of Chicago. I thought it would be more appropriate if we found a bar filled with more workers and not just a bunch of young people who were into good beer.

I don't think I want to celebrate this May 1st. I don't want to sit and reminisce about Union City with Elston. No drinking or special meal. No gifts. I just want to pretend that none of this happened. I guess I could toast survival but that doesn't seem right. I could toast some new start in my life but that doesn't seem entirely accurate or some cause of celebration. I'll probably mope and just watch more episodes of The Wire.

So far behind

2008-04-29T21:13:00.003-07:00

I am back from my trip to Alabama and am trying to catch up on things. I'm more worried about catching up in personal emails, things around the apartment than I am with actual worklife. It doesn't help when I crawl into bed at 6 p.m. I think my presentation was well received.

I had an interesting experience on my flight from Atlanta to Birmingham. After we boarded the plane, the pilot made an announcement over the p.a. that we were carrying special cargo. A unit from Iraq was bringing one of their fellow soldiers home for a burial. He asked all of us to stay seated when we landed in Birmingham so the soldiers could show their respect. The pilot apologized for sounding so choked up.

When we arrived in Birmingham and taxied to the gate, I could see a hearse and several Alabama state troopers lined up. When the soldiers stood up in first class, I half expected some idiots in coach to get up and prepare to exit. Nope. Everyone stayed seated. The soldiers left the plane along with the pilots. Several airport workers unloaded the casket from its box and the soldiers went through their routine of placing the American flag on the casket. Everyone on the plane was still silent. People were either watching out the window or craning their necks to catch a glimpse of what was happening. As the soldiers carried the casket to the hearse, I saw men on the plane take their hats off. Several of the men near me were crying. As they gave their final salute, the Alabama troopers joined in. The soldiers did a march around the hearse and walked off the airfield. Everyone remained silent as we gathered our luggage and walked off the plane.

Later, I was talking to one of the fellow passengers who was attending the same meeting. We talked about how we take so much for granted and how this was such a reminder of everything at stake in our society and upcoming election. It was the same day as the Pennsylvania election but I'll save you from my rant on that particular issue. As we talked later that night, we mentioned how we felt uncomfortable watching such a personal ceremony take place, yet we felt honored to silently honor this soldier. I dealt with a fair amount of anger at our government for even putting this soldier in harms way. Ironically, one of my favorite bloggers happened to mention this Esquire article on the same day as my flight. I highly recommend reading it.

Just can't give it up

2008-04-19T17:34:00.002-07:00

Why does Elston get all of the attention? I am sure that on some upcoming walk, a group of people will rush out of some bushes - hand her a bouquet of flowers, a basket full of greenies, sticks, carrots and fries and then place a tiara on her head. She had four people stop us today so they can coo all over her. With one person, she actually rolled onto her back.

Why doesn't her mojo rub off on me? Oh yeah. It is because Death decided to set down some tea, put on a coat and take a dog for a walk.

This photo and caption crack me up. Don't worry. It is completely unrelated to the rest of this post.

Grocery store 4/18

2008-04-18T17:07:00.003-07:00

I've commented before on the friendliness in the grocery stores and how the clerks strike up a conversation about my purchases. This afternoon, I had to run out to the grocery store because I was out of caffeine. Shudder.

The clerk commented on how I was buying a lot of trial sizes of toothpaste and so on. "Are you traveling sometime soon?"

In my head: I don't like to bathe much or regular sizes of things freak me out or they are for the teeny people that live in the corners of my apartment.

Real me: I am going somewhere next week

Clerk: Where? For work?

In my head: I am going to go wander the streets looking for the PopeMobile even though he isn't anywhere on this coast. What business is it of yours?

Real me: Birmingham for work.

Clerk: Good thing otherwise I would wonder if you thought bathing was overrated.

In my head: What the *&*&*

If she had said anything about my crinkle-cut french fries, I was going to have to throttle her. No, the fries aren't for Elston. I bought her carrots.

She also commented on my cloth bag that is from a winery. Great, now I have to think about the bags I bring.

Am I wrong that the clerk was intrusive? I don't mind friendly but I feel self-conscious shopping there. I hate to be judged. I guess I can always leave and share with you the monotony of my life.

Important questions about dogs

2008-04-18T13:09:00.004-07:00

1. I tend to leave some clothes (t-shirts that I sleep in) on the bed because Elston likes to nestle up and sleep on them. I guess she wants to be close to my scent. If that is the case, why does she stay in the bedroom and not hang out with me in the living room when I am actually home? Is it my scent but not my presence? Does she just need her alone time? Granted, she is at my feet right now but I know that she will end up going to the bedroom sometime in the next 30 minutes for some quality time with either my Kansas or Peter, Bjorn and John t-shirts.

2. What does it mean that George Bush served hot dogs to John McCain when he came to the White House for his endorsement? Don't get me wrong. I like hot dogs. I guess I would just expect something a little fancier than a hot dog if I was meeting with the president. I would even think a sandwich would be a step up. Do you think McCain was offended? What would you want for lunch if you met with the president at the White House? I think I would want a really nice soup with a risotto dish or maybe a salad and a small piece of fish or steak.

3. Why does Elston hate freedom? She is really into french fries.

Corruption

2008-04-16T20:05:00.002-07:00

It is so hard not to be so cynical about corruption in politics. As a former Illinois resident, it was never a surprise when the newspaper would release details about a politician under investigation. Even the great will fall as in Rostenkowski. We had at least two former governors end up in jail - Walker and Ryan. The latter took the prize with his drivers license for dollars scam as secretary of state. A lot of people shrugged it off at the time as just typical government. The current governor, Blagojevich, is under investigation. Mayor Daley has had so many people in his administration arrested and jailed that it still shocks me that he hasn't been indicted. We can't forget the entertainment for many years in the Chicago area - Betty Loren-Maltese- former mayor of Cicero. The best Halloween costume I have ever seen in Chicago was someone dressed in drag as Betty.

I do think New Jersey trumps Illinois for corrupt politicians. Sharpe James was found guilty today. James, the former mayor of Newark and State Senator, was busted for the usual 13 counts. This guy had sleaze written all over him. Just watch the documentary, Street Fight, to see how he handled one of his last mayoral campaigns. I was just waiting for my former mayor to be indicted for something. As I moved away from NJ, Stack was being investigated for guess what? Yep, corruption because of some questionable grants. One of the beautiful things that I still receive in the mail are the infamous Stack mailings (readers of my former blog will know what I am talking about). There was a great one earlier this week where he attacks people who are saying he accepted questionable donations in a 2005 campaign. Uh huh. Who isn't dirty in NJ politics? The Hoboken mayor practically crawls with dirty money.

It just isn't the same in Oregon. I kinda miss the fun.

Couple of other things

2008-04-13T21:28:00.002-07:00

While the photos of the drive back from Seattle point to hilarity and weird behavior, we also talked about our last year. I've been thinking about it some more since I came home.

1. This year has brought tremendous change. A year ago, I was finishing up my last job and planning on a move that was less than two weeks away. I can't really remember how I got through that last stretch of NJ days other than it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. In the last year, both BP and I moved across country, started new jobs and dealt with other challenges. We are probably the only two people who can really understand how that has affected us.

2. We both like our new jobs. There are things I love and hate about my new job. The difference is that I am no longer passionate about either the like and/or the dislike. I wasn't sure how I would react to a job at a much smaller institution or a different type of position. As I said from day one, working at a smaller place has been great. I can do different things and expand my skills. I do not miss my old job for one second. I miss the people but I don't miss the insanity.

3. We both love Portland. I've loved many places I've lived but Portland is close to the top. Chicago will always be home but I am starting to feel more connected to the Pacific Northwest. Last year, I had a choice between Chicago and Portland and I am glad I chose Portland. The city has a great vibe, I've made some great friends and nurtured older friendships, and I can have good food/beer at anytime. I do miss the diversity of NJ or Chicago.

4. Friendships. I've known BP for 7 years. I've known B&A for 16 years (ok that just freaked me out a bit). I've had other friends for less than a year. What I love about all of this is that we go through ups and downs but everyone understands those downs. We don't judge. We are all low maintenance. I recently reconnected with some old college friends and it almost feels like yesterday. I love the ability to pick up where we left off even though our lives have become so drastically different. It all boils down to those connections we made in the first place and it transcends time or lifestyles.

5. Laughter is the best medicine. I laughed so hard today that I cried. I haven't done that in a long time. It is kinda like the subtitle of the blog about having my soul back. I don't but I am getting closer. Letting loose and sharing the same quirky sense of humor with a good friend is one more step to getting back on the right path.

Go Mariners

2008-04-13T20:17:00.006-07:00

Had a great weekend celebrating a friend's birthday (BP). A group of people went out Friday to a few bars. I went up to the DJ at the first place and complimented him on his taste. He was playing Bjork and Stone Roses. What else could I do?

We went to Seattle on Saturday to see a Mariners game. Even though it was a billion degrees out and our seats were in the center of the sun for the first hour, we had fun. BP scored the best seats that I've ever had for a game. I love Safeco field. How many ballparks can you go to and get sushi or ramen? We stuck with the largest nacho helping on earth. Mariners won! We went back to our hotel after a beer at a local microbrew (can't remember the name - BP - help?).

Up early for a visit to Archie McPhee, the mecca for fun stuff, and a terrific breakfast. I'll save you from the 5th grade food review. We go out to breakfast at least once a week but this one was tops.

We had fun on our ride home with some of the Archie purchases. Lenin takes a ride down I-5 with animals. More photos from the Picasa link on the right.

Cheap Eats

2008-04-11T10:08:00.002-07:00

My food cravings come at really weird times and I have a hard time shaking them. Fortunately, two new places in Portland are satisfying some cravings. The best news is that both are cheap.

Pine State Biscuits - I've had cravings for both biscuits and grits. I had read about their booth at the downtown farmer's market but waited until they opened a storefront operation. I had the Reggie - biscuit with fried chicken, mushroom gravy, bacon and cheese. I also had a side of grits. Not only did I satisfy my craving, but I am also showing tremendous restraint by not returning everyday. For the sake of my health, I will only go as a reward for multiple visits to the gym.

Wayne's Red Hots - It must be in my blood but I've also missed Chicago style hot dogs. Last night after looking at a house, BP and I decided to try out this new place. When I walked in, I was thinking that the Cubs paraphernalia was almost too much for my Sox blood but smiled when I saw a guy at the register wearing a Sox hat. Two owners - one a Cubs and the other other a Sox fan. Great hot dog. BP had an Old Style ($2 during a Cubs or Sox game) but I went for the Anchor Porter. It felt like a little bit of home with all of the Chicago stuff.

Now I want to go the place where I can get a Chicago style Italian beef sandwich.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

2008-04-07T21:42:00.002-07:00

Great plays, great coaching, and lots and lots of stress. I tried all sorts of things to give lots of good energy. You know they won because of my rituals, right? I'm so glad my favorite player, Mario, made that shot. I really hope Self stays at KU.

I feel sick from all of the licorice I ate. But, I started off the game with a Boulevard beer and ended with a Bell's Oberon.

Great game.

Moses

2008-04-06T12:47:00.003-07:00

When I was young, I had a "thing" for Charlton Heston. I really can't explain it other than I thought he was really cool. He was this gruff actor who played Moses. What wasn't there to like? This was pre-NRA and crazy days. I wish I could say that I liked him for marching with MLK, campaigning with Kennedy or speaking out against the Vietnam War. I didn't know about any of his politics. I even named a walking stick after him. You can mark all of this down as stuff you didn't know about me and probably never expected.

1) Charlton Heston fascination and 2) I had a walking stick.

Final Four

2008-04-05T13:43:00.003-08:00

It really helps taking away the nervousness when you are on pain meds.

Go Jayhawks.

Update: what an amazing first half. Holy crap. They did it.

Clinton

2008-03-31T19:36:00.002-08:00

Just a regular day at the office. I was working like mad to send off a document to our provost when I happened to look out my office window and saw Bill Clinton. He was on his cell phone and waving to people standing across the street. He was on campus giving a speech.

Later, I was thinking back to the 1992 campaign and how it seemed like we kept running into the Clintons since Missouri was a swing state (turns out a co-worker also had multiple run-ins with Bill). My group of fellow VISTA volunteers were really into the election. We started off our Clinton spree with a campaign speech on Labor Day in Independence, Missouri, at the Harry Truman place. We tried to get closer to Clinton by jumping over a couple of barricades and bushes but we never got close. We also avoided arrest. A month or so later, Clinton was in KC to prepare for the debates. We got up early on a Saturday morning to join him at the end of a fun run that was somewhere north of KC. As he finished up the race, he stood there shaking hands with people. I was shaking his hand when someone asked him a question. He didn't let go because he was distracted. My roommate nudged me to let go otherwise I would come across as needy. Hours later, we ended up at the Crown Plaza complex to do some shopping. We quickly realized that his debate preparations were taking place in the building. We lingered around and then just walked up to the front of the room and waited for him to come out. I remember chatting with James Carville and trying to discreetly tell my friends who I had just been joking around with. Bill and Hillary came out and talked to us. Shook their hands again and we talked to Hillary about our VISTA volunteer experiences.

Two days later, we saw Hillary twice in one day. We drove to Lawrence to see her speak to KU students. We dashed back to KC to hear her give a different speech at Democratic Headquarters. We soaked all of it in. We had a big sleepover to watch election results. The next day we had to drive to Sedalia, Missouri, for a VISTA training. We had Clinton signs all over the car and were obnoxious whenever we saw someone driving with a Republican bumpersticker.

My two favorite memories of that time in Missouri involve different politicians. We started following a candidate, Geri Rothman-Serot, who was running against Kit Bond. We despised Kit Bond. We started volunteering for her campaign even though we really had no idea what she stood for other than she gave excellent speeches and wasn't Kit. We were told to show up one day outside of a local television station and demonstrate against Kit and show our support for Geri. We showed up and discovered that we made up 5 of the 7 protesters. I actually felt bad for Kit when he walked out and saw us standing there with our anti-Kit signs. As you can probably guess, I had a sarcastic sign that I tried to hide.

Finally, my least favorite Missouri politican was William Webster. He was well-known for his fight against the Kansas City desegregation case and his anti-abortion fights (think Webster vs Reproductive Health Services). I took a lot of pleasure in his downfall and in his earlier defeat by Mel Carnahan. It was a great day when he was indicted. I happened to be at the Kansas City airport picking up a friend when I saw him hiding from reporters. I walked down 10 or so gates and told the reporters where they could find Webster. His stupid mug couldn't hide from me!

Those were the days. I've come a long way from my political stalking. The former me would have probably jumped out my office window to hug Bill. Now I know how to play it cool.

The Good and the Bad

2008-03-30T20:17:00.002-08:00

I mentioned Dith Pran awhile ago here on the blog. He died today. NY Times has a nice slideshow of some of his work.

I was sick all weekend. I only left the apartment to walk the dog. Barely ate and slept a lot. I am tired of my couch. When I wasn't sleeping, I had to do some work.

Jayhawks. It was stressful. Relief. Huge sigh of relief.

Idiot of the week

2008-03-27T16:21:00.003-08:00

Whoever came up with the brilliant idea of the commercial with the VW car in the show room and someone setting off the beeping noise needs to be taken outside and kicked into the street.

Some kind of sign

2008-03-26T19:46:00.002-08:00

I had a fairly horrible day. Just lots of frustrating things that all happened on the same day. It didn't help that I am not feeling well, so I wasn't able to cope as well as I would have liked. All of this was followed by some fairly stupid things. I am only exposing my flakiness as a warning sign in case this continues throughout the week. Anyone who will be around me should be warned.

1) I had to run off somewhere after I got home from work. When I started up the car, I heard an old Sleater-Kinney song. I thought, "this is cool that the radio station is playing this song. It must be the half hour show, perfect playlist, and this is on someone's list." Song ends. Another old, rare Sleater-Kinney song. Wow. Now I started to wonder three things - is this a new show where they play two songs by the same artist? Or, did they decide to end their hiatus and this is the radio station celebrating the news? Why didn't I hear about this earlier in the day? How can Janet play in both Sleater-Kinney and also with the Jicks? Or, did something really bad happen and that is why they are playing lots of old Sleater-Kinney. I know. I always go to the dark places. I went to turn up the volume and noticed that I was playing a cd and it wasn't the radio. Hello? Anyone in there?

2) Came home from my after-work adventure and decided to make a super quick dinner. Super quick as in a frozen pizza from Trader Joe's. Put the pizza in. Timer goes off. Cut up pizza. Look at it and wonder why it doesn't look quite right. Look at the oven instructions on the box. Discover that I cooked it at the microwave minutes and not the oven minutes. Folks, when I can't even handle cooking a frozen pizza then there is a problem.

Please give me back my brain.

Oh yea, Obama

2008-03-23T21:39:00.002-08:00

Not to leave you with the impression that all I did this weekend was watch basketball, I did get out on Friday morning to hear Barack Obama speak in Portland. I joined the 20,000 or so people who got up really early to hear him speak. I was grateful that my friend, Brian, arrived before I did and held a spot for me in line. As a result, we had decent seats. I've never been to a political event that had so many people. In the '92 campaign, I saw the Clintons a lot because Missouri was a swing state. Hillary's speech at KU was memorable and inspiring as she implored students to get out and vote. It was also my first encounter with Fred Phelps and his band of crazy family members.

5 years ago, I heard Obama speak at the anti-war rally in Daley Plaza. I went to the rally so I could hear Studs Terkel speak. I was right up front and off to the side by the media so I could get a clear view of Studs. At the time, Obama was in his Senate primary campaign. As I stood there listening to the other speaker, he was being interviewed by local news for his stance on the pending war. I barely paid attention to him. I didn't think he had a chance of winning the more conservative section of Illinois. Who would have thought that I would hear him 5 years later as he ran for president with a much larger audience? I couldn't help think back to that day in Daley Plaza or the really small posted streetpost signs that would just say "Barack" as he ran against Bobby Rush in the House of Representatives race. He lost that race and the Chicago Reader covered this upstart politician from the South Side who would dare to take on Bobby Rush. For years, I would see those "Barack" signs and wonder what he was up to. Well, he is for real. It also shows that anything is possible.

We had the added benefit of seeing Bill Richardson endorse him. I know that it can be easy to dismiss Obama as someone who is just a great orator and says the right things. It is more than that. My favorite moment of the speech was when he described why he didn't wait to run in a future election. I can't adequately describe the energy that was in the arena. It was like nothing I've ever seen before. It was encouraging to see so many engaged younger people in attendance. Who says the younger generation is apathetic?

I do have to say that Portland doesn't disappoint in crazy. I had the pleasure of chatting with someone in the coffee line who gave me his opinion on Clinton. He thinks her talk about experience is a bunch of crap. After all, she had 8 years to change her hairstyle and she never met with success. He repeated this over and over. Considering that I waver back and forth between the candidates, I wasn't into hearing a lot of Clinton bashing. I definitely didn't want to hear illogical Clinton bashing. Pick a policy to bicker about but not her hair.

Yea, Obama is pretty awesome.