I guess it has been awhile since I have posted on here. No time like the present...
I started the Saturday of my holiday weekend feeling angry and frustrated. It is my own fault for putting myself in a situation where that could be a likely outcome. I guess it is months of frustration building up again.....
I decided to divert my attention by switching out my clothes for the season. Either I've been travelling or sick, so I am late on this particular, dreaded task. I should have realized that putting my angry/frustrated mood into this task was a mistake. Switching out clothes for the season always make feel sad. I'm not the cheery person who briskly puts clothes away and thinks of all of the great things that have happened since the last time I switched clothes. No. I think of people and places. I think of loss.
I freely admit that I hold on to things too long. I have a stack of clothes that I have moved around for sentimental reasons. I have some old sweaters and a few t-shirts that belonged to my dad. I know that I will never be able to get rid of them (we are talking 5...not 50). I can still picture him wearing these things. I also have some sentimental t-shirts --- great concerts, a gift from a friend when Clinton won his first election, other campaign t-shirts, t-shirts or sweatshirts from when I was a VISTA volunteer, and so on.
I am starting to feel a little more detached from things so I definitely purged more than usual. But, it still made me feel sad. Outfit from New Year's Eve in 2000. Other clothes from my Chicago days that will never fit me again were put in the donation pile. I couldn't help but think of exact memories with some of these clothes. The doctor who was treating me one particular summer always commented on this one shirt...gone. But, it put me right back into that summer and all of the things that were happening to me. Even the hangers from Al's in New Brunswick depressed me because it reminded me of some of the hard days in New Jersey.
I know that this is all probably crazy and weird, but it still put me in a funk. I am getting better about letting go. But, I still couldn't get rid of some of the Chicago thrift store flannel shirts that have holes in them.
