One of those things

I read this article recently how this woman went out and spent $80,000 because she received a diagnosis of a terminal illness. A little later, she found out that the diagnosis was wrong. Now she is in a deep financial hole.

When I thought I had a limited amount of years, I always took comfort in that I would probably go before Elston. I've dreaded her getting older since she was 2. Now that I am doing better and Elston is 12, I am starting to accept the fact that I will outlive her. Many friends have lost their animals this year. It has been heartbreaking to see or hear their grief. I really don't know how I will handle things when it is time for Elston. I know it is part of being an owner and that I'll know when it is ready. But, this little red dog has been through everything with me. I sometimes think that I would have fallen apart by now except I have someone depending on me for food and walks. Unconditional love.

Elston lost her best dog friend today. I wished they could have had a few more years of becoming old ladies together.

Health Care

Following the health care debate has reminded me of my good fortune in navigating the health care system. I've worked at places with reasonable health insurance plans, access to premier medical facilities, and my own share of luck.

A little over eight years ago, I was diagnosed with a serious illness. At the time of my diagnosis, I was told I would possibly make it for 15 years. During the last eight years, I received new prognoses ranging from 15 years to six months. My situation changed a year and a half ago through the success of a clinical trial. It was quite a change from three years ago when I was told I had six months.

Dealing with my health situation was not easy. My way of coping was pure denial and not reading everything in the medical literature. I dealt with specialists, multiple opinions and approaches to the disease, regular biopsies and countless blood draws. I went to at least five major medical centers in different parts of the country. The blood draws were the worst because at any appointment, I could receive the news that my situation had changed.

People never understood why I was so private about my tests, my illness or treatment decisions. Easy. If I talked about it then my situation was real. I didn't want to feel I had to provide regular updates nor have people express their opinions on what I should do. Plus, almost everyone disagreed with my approach towards treatment.

It was very hard to explain my level of fatigue. Very few people understood how I felt since I didn't look "sick". I didn't lose significant amounts of weight, hair, or gasped for breath. Some people said they could detect the fatigue. Overall, I was glad that no one could tell the severity of my illness since I was able to go under the radar with friends, family and employers. Hell, I waited a year before I even told my family and closest friends. When I was first diagnosed, the physicians were more concerned with a heart condition that was diagnosed at almost the same time. They cured that problem.

I was lucky that I was never denied health coverage for a preexisting condition. I never had to face the financial devastation of bone marrow transplant. I was not put on drugs that would leave me bankrupt. I still had out of pocket expenses that added up, but not like the other millions of people who suffer. I had doctors who fought through red tape to get me at the front of the line for specialist's opinions and who made themselves available to provide any assistance. Everyone cooperated with my family physicians.

Most of my luck was my age. I was at an unusual age for a rare disease. I turned down trials. I rejected treatment options. To this day, I don't fully understand what made me change my mind and join a trial. I no longer have monthly blood draws. I haven't had a blood transfusion in almost two years. I can go to the doctor without fear. I don't even receive a priority status for the H1N1 vaccination. I can attribute my fatigue to normal reasons.

I don't take my health for granted because I am not cured. I just have faith that my last physician was right in telling me that I was given a second chance. He couldn't tell me it would last forever, but it was enough to let go of the fear.

The point of this? I'm probably preaching to the choir since most of you probably support changes in our healthcare system. As I said before, I was lucky with my health insurance. I won't lie and say it didn't change job choices because it did. But, I am alive and relatively healthy.

Panda Bears

Today, I went into Borders and was immediately creeped out by the stuffed panda bears that lined an entire wall. I've mentioned before that I really don't like anything in volume except if I am in a grocery store. Animals, bugs, and stuffed animals are a few of the things that scare me when they are in volume. Don't get me started on dolls.

Panda bears always remind me of three people from my past. During college, I worked at the college bookstore. One of the managers had stuffed panda bears in her office. I still have an aversion to any adult professional who has multiple stuffed animals in his/her office. In addition to her stuffed animal lust, she was also the person I suspected for stealing money during closing. I passed along my theories, but nothing ever happened. I wasn't surprised when she decided to retire at a very early age and not too long after the theft. She probably purchased more stuffed animals and continued her buying trips to Wall Drug.

The worst panda bear offense still holds a record for the most bizarre home decorating I've ever encountered. My upstairs neighbors went on their honeymoon and asked my partner and I to watch their place. We lived in a coach house and had always wondered what the upstairs place looked like after its renovation. I could handle the room that was filled with Star Wars figurines hanging from the wall in their original packaging. What I could not handle was the bedroom filled, and I mean filled, with stuffed panda bears of all shapes and sizes. It left me speechless. We even took some of our friends upstairs so they would understand the horror. Granted, this was the same neighbor who starred in some country act. He listed John Oates as one of his musical heroes. John Oates? What about Daryl Hall? Man, I wish I could remember his name because I would love to see what he is doing now and if he is still married to the panda lover.

Charleston

Update: I completely forgot another restaurant. Listed below.

Yes, I am alive. I really haven't been in the mood to write much on this space. Privacy and time are probably the two largest factors in my silence.

I just returned from a conference in Charleston, South Carolina. Annually, I attend this conference for its excellent content. It doesn't hurt that I love the atmosphere in Charleston, especially its food. Here is where I went this year:

Been before:

Hymans Seafood - it is a tourist trap but a very good one. This was the second year in a row that I had dinner here. I had their Charleston shrimp and grits with a side of mac and cheese. I skipped the usual bowl of boiled peanuts because they taste mildly gross. The cool thing is that the owner makes a huge effort to welcome each of his guests to the restaurant. Downfall? The wine list sucks.

Jestine's Kitchen -- this is a mandatory stop for me. There is nothing in the world that equals their fried chicken, mac and cheese and sweet tea.

Magnolias -- the website needs to get rid of its cheesy music. I had been here once before but didn't really remember the experience. This was one of my best meals. My diet was completely broken with their housemade potato chips with blue cheese. The Parmesan crusted flounder was the best meal of the trip. Its description - served over Carolina rice and creek shrimp purloo with sweet corn, tomato, and asparagus salad, lump crab, and a lemon beurre blanc. Plus, they served Oregon wine.

Slightly North of Broad - Like Jestine's Kitchen, I also visit this restaurant on an annual basis. It is usually my Saturday night place. Scallops galore. I have to admit that I kept making Sarah Palin jokes in my head since it is run by the Maverick restaurant group.

New this year:

Fig - this is the restaurant where I tasted something from the pig's head (I think they scraped things out and made it into a pate) and it resembled pulled pork. I took the smallest bite possible and didn't throw up. I took a break from fish and had a steak.

My cheaper places to hit:

Moe's - I always hit this spot for lunch since it is right across from the conference hotel. Homewrecker - how I love you. Oh no, I just realized there is a location south of Portland.

5 Guys Burgers - some of my dining companions got into an argument about which place is better - 5 Guys or In-n-Out. As a cheeseburger fiend, I would lean towards 5 Guys. It isn't as good as Culvers. It is better than Burgerville's burgers but doesn't meet their fries or shake standards. Confession -- I had the worst heartburn from this meal. Another place I discovered is in the Portland area.

So, another year of conferencing over with and probably a few pounds gained.

Place I forgot:

Fast and French - this is a great place to go in Charleston for lunch. Get a lunch special and a glass of wine comes with it. Instead of eating at one of the communal tables in the center of the action, we were placed in one of their back rooms. It changed the dining experience, except I was able to hear our neighbors talk about a relative who murdered someone and all of the sordid issues surrounding the crime.

Other places I've been to several times and really like:

Hominy Grill

Fish

39 Rue de Jean

Urgency

It has been awhile since there has been an update on the spider warfare. I really can't talk about it because it is so painful. The last week has left me shaken, especially since it continues to get worse. My hope has almost disappeared, especially since we intercepted an article from Spider Times. It was posted throughout the neighborhood.

------------For Immediate Release--------------

The Spider President has released a statement that operations against the "narrow, green house" have almost succeeded. Earlier today, there was wide speculation of a victory march into the residence as early as Saturday, but the President called off any premature celebrations. "I realize that our nation and army have worked so hard over the last seven years against this human and her dog, but we cannot let our guard down. Our top defense commanders agree that the human is at her breaking point. We need a few more missions and then a month long celebration of parades and feasts will take place."

Throughout the winter and spring, field reports were coming in that a second human was the weak link in the house. As sentries were posted in the house, the human would simply remove them outside. Spider psychologists have no response to this very unusual response. They hope to interrogate the human once it is captured to better understand its motivations. One theory is that the second human is a double spy for Spider Nation. Top administrators have denied employing a human spy. Another theory is that the second human is working for another operation or simply trying to kill the other human. Spider Administration has refused theories that any of these non-killings are diplomatic gestures. "Why would we consider this an act of diplomacy? The second human has never slowed down its killing. How would it look for our President to visit those soldier's families and tell them that we were trying to reason with this murderer? These families want their sons and daughters removed from the killing fields for proper burial. That is the only conversation we will have with this monster human", says Spider Ambassador.

The Spider response was one of defiance. More assassins were sent into the battlefield. The first human tried training the orange cat and red dog.

The second human tried scaring us off with a member of Tarantula Nation. It was laughed off as a simple replica.

Concerns were eliminated when spies reported that the two animals were the laziest of all sentries. It is rumored that Spider Soldiers were disciplined after drinking Web Juice 100 and building web monuments on the animals as they slept on duty. Pictures will tell the story of the poor defense offered by "lazy cat" and "old dog".

Because the reports of successful missions were almost too good to be true, Spider President sent General Cross Legs to verify these reports. It was the first documented entry of a General or Administration member into the human's house.

This shot of General Cross Legs was taken moments before the second human relocated him outside. The gasps of Spider onlookers were heard miles away. Not only was he discovered, but he was released without any conditions. After a thorough examination by Spider doctors, he requested that Defense Secretary Cross Eyes survey the enemy territory. As Spider Bodyguards swept through the house, Secretary Cross Eyes also entered the house. Again, the second human captured and released him. "It is clear that we have entered a new stage of our campaign. My attempts at communicating with the second human failed because I was too surprised by its actions", said Secretary Cross Eyes.

Rumors spread that Spider President was not as pleased with his secretary and general as expected since they did not strike at the other human or create a web victory sign. Instead, he ordered the most daring of attacks, and it nearly succeeded.

Last night, Spider Assassin 878 entered the human's bedroom. He perched near its window and above its bed. As the human called out for assistance, 878 saw the red dog run from the room. The second human went to catch 878 for release. At this coordinated moment, a Special Forces member breached the DMZ and ran on its bed. The human screamed. The second human displayed more Spider brilliance by capturing him. It released both of them without any interrogation. A recording device has picked up signs of a very shaken human. A poor recording picks up its concerns of the breached DMZ, lack of sleep, and the appearance of senior defense leaders. No more official statements have been released to the press except a smirk and comment of "just wait for the next operation."

Financial Times

I'm officially freaked out by the economy. I have been for awhile but it is starting to sink in more and more each day.  Everyday, I read about more layoffs.  I see local businesses shut their doors, including the place where I get my haircut (damn!).  Businesses that I have always grown up with are declaring bankruptcy or have already disappeared.  My retirement money is evaporating.  I have less money with each paycheck because my debt is just increasing.  I have no safety net.

I have cut back on groceries, going out to dinner, and going out with friends.  Living expenses and debt....that is what I am working for these days.   I think about how much I am cutting back and how many other millions of people there like me who are doing the same - how will our economy improve?  I don't know what I would do right now if I lost my job.  The economy has definitely altered many of my life plans for at least the next year.

I read somewhere that someone recommended bailing out taxpayers by helping us pay our debts.  If we had less debt, we could start buying more things.  Granted, we would probably just head down the consumer path until we started accruing debt again.  But, I know that if I had at least one debt paid off, I would be able to pour more money into the local economy.  I would also work on paying off the rest of my debts.  Wishful thinking.

I think we've all had a wake-up call about living closer to our means.  Meanwhile, I have some major bills coming up - a huge car repair bill and a looming vet bill.  I'm relieved that I have a job but I feel zero financial security.

President Obama

Let me just write that again - President Obama.  It still doesn't seem real that we have a new president, an African-American family in the White House and that the era of Bush and Cheney are over.  We have a president who loves basketball and is a Chicagoan.  It couldn't be better.