------------For Immediate Release--------------
The Spider President has released a statement that operations against the "narrow, green house" have almost succeeded. Earlier today, there was wide speculation of a victory march into the residence as early as Saturday, but the President called off any premature celebrations. "I realize that our nation and army have worked so hard over the last seven years against this human and her dog, but we cannot let our guard down. Our top defense commanders agree that the human is at her breaking point. We need a few more missions and then a month long celebration of parades and feasts will take place."
Throughout the winter and spring, field reports were coming in that a second human was the weak link in the house. As sentries were posted in the house, the human would simply remove them outside. Spider psychologists have no response to this very unusual response. They hope to interrogate the human once it is captured to better understand its motivations. One theory is that the second human is a double spy for Spider Nation. Top administrators have denied employing a human spy. Another theory is that the second human is working for another operation or simply trying to kill the other human. Spider Administration has refused theories that any of these non-killings are diplomatic gestures. "Why would we consider this an act of diplomacy? The second human has never slowed down its killing. How would it look for our President to visit those soldier's families and tell them that we were trying to reason with this murderer? These families want their sons and daughters removed from the killing fields for proper burial. That is the only conversation we will have with this monster human", says Spider Ambassador.
The Spider response was one of defiance. More assassins were sent into the battlefield. The first human tried training the orange cat and red dog.
The second human tried scaring us off with a member of Tarantula Nation. It was laughed off as a simple replica.
Concerns were eliminated when spies reported that the two animals were the laziest of all sentries. It is rumored that Spider Soldiers were disciplined after drinking Web Juice 100 and building web monuments on the animals as they slept on duty. Pictures will tell the story of the poor defense offered by "lazy cat" and "old dog".
Because the reports of successful missions were almost too good to be true, Spider President sent General Cross Legs to verify these reports. It was the first documented entry of a General or Administration member into the human's house.
This shot of General Cross Legs was taken moments before the second human relocated him outside. The gasps of Spider onlookers were heard miles away. Not only was he discovered, but he was released without any conditions. After a thorough examination by Spider doctors, he requested that Defense Secretary Cross Eyes survey the enemy territory. As Spider Bodyguards swept through the house, Secretary Cross Eyes also entered the house. Again, the second human captured and released him. "It is clear that we have entered a new stage of our campaign. My attempts at communicating with the second human failed because I was too surprised by its actions", said Secretary Cross Eyes. Rumors spread that Spider President was not as pleased with his secretary and general as expected since they did not strike at the other human or create a web victory sign. Instead, he ordered the most daring of attacks, and it nearly succeeded.
Last night, Spider Assassin 878 entered the human's bedroom. He perched near its window and above its bed. As the human called out for assistance, 878 saw the red dog run from the room. The second human went to catch 878 for release. At this coordinated moment, a Special Forces member breached the DMZ and ran on its bed. The human screamed. The second human displayed more Spider brilliance by capturing him. It released both of them without any interrogation. A recording device has picked up signs of a very shaken human. A poor recording picks up its concerns of the breached DMZ, lack of sleep, and the appearance of senior defense leaders. No more official statements have been released to the press except a smirk and comment of "just wait for the next operation."
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