Conversations between cats

Chuck has a buddy who comes to chat with him outside the second bedroom's sliding glass door.  This is what I think I overheard today:

T-Rex: Hey, did she find the pack of smokes?
Chuck: Nah.  Did you ask Tina where she left them?  I need to find them before she stumbles across them.
T-Rex: Tina isn't talking to me since the other night.  Can't you blame one of the blondes who checked in on you?
Chuck: I suppose.  She is all distracted right now because the red one is sick.
T-Rex: Yea.  I've been watching them from the living room window.  She is carrying that bag of fur up and down those stairs like some sort of princess.
Chuck: Well, I think it is sick because it isn't inhaling food like before.  I mean, the thing actually stopped trying to get at my food. 
T-Rex: Hmm.  I suppose it is true.

Moment of silence

Chuck: What?
T-Rex: Well, I didn't want to say but there are some rumors going around right now.
Chuck: About me?
T-Rex: Yea.  Tiny happened to walk past the windows the other day and saw you sucking your paw as you leaned against the human.
Chuck: I have told you before that it is a ploy.  I get away with things when she thinks I am innocent and stuff.  I heard her tell a friend that I need protecting because I am her little boy.  Please. Me?
T-Rex: Well, I guess I can believe it since she didn't think you would host parties while she was away.  Still, you have to think about your reputation.  Can't you do something other than suck your paw?
Chuck: Like what?
T-Rex: Flop down on your back, make loud noises, and lick their hands while they pet you. Or, just act cool and not like some dork.
Chuck: Fine.
T-Rex: There is the other rumor that you were seen kind of close to the red thing and that you haven't been pushing it around since it returned.
Chuck: Naw, man.  It is part of my game.  They think I am being nice so I get some nice scratches and stuff.  I'm not getting that close right now because that bag of fur smells bad.  
T-Rex: What is she doing right now?
Chuck: The red thing?
T-Rex: No, the human.
Chuck: What do you think?  Sleeping.  If she isn't doting on the bag of red fur, she is sleeping.
T-Rex: She sick or something?
Chuck: I don't know.  She keeps mumbling some name and New York City and Chicago.
T-Rex: A cat name?
Chuck: Better not be.
T-Rex: You need to investigate this shit.
Chuck: How?
T-Rex: I don't know.  I'll talk to Tiny and Tina.
T-Rex: She getting in her car tomorrow?
Chuck: Who knows.  Depends on the red floppy thing.  Not like she would stay home for me.
T-Rex: Remember what I said about the paw sucking thing?
Chuck: Yea.
T-Rex: You can't make comments like that around the others. You sound needy.
Chuck: I need a smoke.