For the record

In three weeks, I have managed to pack, move, and set-up the following:


- Kitchen
- Bathroom
- Closet full of clothes


I did all of this *on my own* while fighting the following:


- Influenza
- Stomach bug
- Bad back for nearly a week


I still have a lot of books and files to pack.  I need to take care of the loose ends, and set aside the things I don't want the movers to handle.  Not to mention that I want to clean the part of the house I've lived in the most, and shampoo the carpets.  All of this while I am still fighting a stomach bug and bad back.


It has been such a great, relaxing holiday.  I am officially bitter.

Melancholy

I guess it has been awhile since I have posted on here.  No time like the present...


I started the Saturday of my holiday weekend feeling angry and frustrated.  It is my own fault for putting myself in a situation where that could be a likely outcome.  I guess it is months of frustration building up again.....


I decided to divert my attention by switching out my clothes for the season.  Either I've been travelling or sick, so I am late on this particular, dreaded task.  I should have realized that putting my angry/frustrated mood into this task was a mistake.  Switching out clothes for the season always make feel sad.  I'm not the cheery person who briskly puts clothes away and thinks of all of the great things that have happened since the last time I switched clothes.  No.  I think of people and places.  I think of loss.


I freely admit that I hold on to things too long.  I have a stack of clothes that I have moved around for sentimental reasons.  I have some old sweaters and a few t-shirts that belonged to my dad.  I know that I will never be able to get rid of them (we are talking 5...not 50).  I can still picture him wearing these things. I also have some sentimental t-shirts --- great concerts, a gift from a friend when Clinton won his first election, other campaign t-shirts, t-shirts or sweatshirts from when I was a VISTA volunteer, and so on.  


I am starting to feel a little more detached from things so I definitely purged more than usual.  But, it still made me feel sad.  Outfit from New Year's Eve in 2000.  Other clothes from my Chicago days that will never fit me again were put in the donation pile.  I couldn't help but think of exact memories with some of these clothes.  The doctor who was treating me one particular summer always commented on this one shirt...gone.  But, it put me right back into that summer and all of the things that were happening to me.  Even the hangers from Al's in New Brunswick depressed me because it reminded me of some of the hard days in New Jersey.


I know that this is all probably crazy and weird, but it still put me in a funk.  I am getting better about letting go. But, I still couldn't get rid of some of the Chicago thrift store flannel shirts that have holes in them.

March Reading and Writing

I definitely didn't read or watch as many things in March.  I don't think April will be much better.


Watched:
Che: Um, it is long.  I guess that aspect of the movie didn't bother me that much since I could  break my watching into sections.  What did bother me was my inability to remember people or battle scenes.  I think they were scenes filmed separately and not Soderbaugh just splicing the same scene throughout the movie.  Benicio del Toro was excellent.


Fantastic Mr. Fox: When my sisters visited, one of them raved about this movie.  On my recent flight to Chicago, I decided to watch this movie over Whip It.  I loved it.  I love foxes.


Read:
Beautiful Children by Charles Bock: I heard such excellent things about this book, but I couldn't get into it.  Part of my problem was that I didn't like a single character.  The novel takes place in Las Vegas and surrounds the disappearance of a boy.  The boy deserved to be lost.  Just sayin'.  


What Obama Means by Jabari Asim: I really liked this breezy book about the social, cultural, and historical significance of Obama's election victory.   I can't remember what I liked about it but there was some good stuff.  

Loss

Loss.  Change.  Regrets.  Uncertainity.

It seems as if those are four words that keep running through my brain at all hours.  My recent trip home stirred up these feelings even more than usual.  Leading up to my trip, I was dealing with change and uncertainty but now loss and regrets are starting to pop up.  

A significant loss in my life was my father.  It is hard for me to go through changes without wondering what advice my dad would give me, or how he always made me feel calm.  In the thirteen years since he died, I have seen major shifts in my life.  I sometimes wonder what he would think. He would certainly approve of my professional decisions since he was always a strong advocate of libraries and librarians.  He would definitely worry about my financial situation.  What I don't know is how he would advise me on my relationships and the way I struggle finding my way.  He was a practical person not given to major shifts in his life. I think my bouncing around the country would have driven him crazy.  On the other hand, I think he would appreciate that I follow my heart and gut instinct.  

Seeing people from elementary school days to workplaces has stirred up a myriad of emotions.  I love reconnecting with people.  It is one reason why I love Facebook.  Yet, I feel a greater sense of loss since I miss everyone I spent time with during my visit.  To use a cliche, distance has made the heart grow fonder.  

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.  I wish I hadn't let so much time go by without reaching out to someone.  I regret letting minor incidents limit communication for a lengthy period of time.  I regret not treating people as they should have been treated during our relationship.  We start relationships, friendships and other, with infinite possibilities ahead of us.  Somehow we grow apart because we grow older, our needs go in different directions or we simply reach an end.  I felt that sense of loss and regret over how I let all three things happen with different people.  Mostly, I regret that distance now stands in the way of enjoying friendships on a more frequent basis, especially as I worry about people and the issues they face.  

My dad never believed that we should live in the past.  I have multiple letters where he advises me on moving forward and not looking back.  It was usually when he would pull out some quotes from his favorite philosophers and try to make me feel better.  While I agree with him on many levels, I really wish I could go back to at least three different times in my Illinois history and made a different decision or just tried harder.  Instead of avoiding or giving up, I wish I would have fought harder for those friends.

Thank you friends and family from Freeport or Chicago for filling up my heart this last week with love and support.  I carry my lessons with you as I move forward.

Trips Home

Well, I am back after a trip home to Illinois.  Some thoughts after my trip:

- I can go years without seeing people, yet I can reconnect with them as if no time has passed.  Whether it was six months ago or thirteen years, I was able to pick right up with people.

- My family and friends have some amazing children that are beautiful and intelligent.

- Chicago and Freeport are my homes.  I miss the city, the landscape and the people. This trip confirmed my feelings that distance is becoming more tiresome.

- It is possible to work at places where you do think of people as family (dysfunctional  but still family). I think of their feelings, their families, and health even after many years.

- It felt great to be silly.  Going around town taking photos, setting a dare, and jamming in the car even though we were parked outside the house were just moments of joy. 

What did I do on my trip home?

- Went to dinner at a restaurant that I used to frequent a lot when I lived in Freeport.  I realized that I hadn't been there since my dad died.  At least, I think that is true.

- Spent time with a friend that I had not seen since my dad's wake - 13 years ago.

- Met my mom's new husband, or I should say, was reintroduced to my mom's new husband.

- Visited the college where my dad taught for many years.

- Had lunch with a longtime family friend at a new version of a place I once worked.

- Visited the cemetery.

- Went out bar hopping with friends from high school.

- Took photos around Freeport with my mom.  I focused on Lincoln and Pretzel related items, but I also took photos of buildings that I liked or places that had meaning.

- Stopped by my childhood home but couldn't go into the backyard.  Seeing landscaping from my father was enough to start the tears flowing.

- Lunch (Culverized) with family.

- Spent time with the town's citizen of the year (my sister).

- Went to the release party for Bell's Oberon and met Larry Bell.

- Spent time hanging out with my best friend's kids who are brilliant and funny.

- Went to Three Floyd's Brewery for beer tasting.

- Went to White Fence Farm for chicken tasting.

- Went to Village Tap, an old haunt, to realize that I am becoming old.

- Napped.

- Watched children dye eggs, a favorite childhood activity.

- Went to another old haunt, Lincoln Tap Room, to watch college basketball with friends.

- Went to breakfast with two former co-workers who are also longtime friends.

- Had Easter brunch at my sister's house

- Thought a lot about where I am at in my life and the steps I want to take in the coming months.

Inability

I can't seem to find a decent sleep schedule these days. In all of my days fighting depression, I've never had a problem with sleep. If anything, I've always relied too much on sleep. Not this time. I also can't concentrate enough to escape into a book or a movie. All of the pharmaceuticals in the world will fail if they don't get me back to the place where I can sleep, read, and watch a movie.

At least the social part of me is going strong these days.

Basketball

Basketball. I've been a fan my entire life. A highlight of my year is watching the NCAA men's tournament. I usually take the first few days of the tournament off work so I can watch solid basketball and lounge around. This year is no different except I didn't take tomorrow off and I'll probably do some work today. I did the same thing for next week, which is a new thing.

I used to fill out brackets against my dad. Our bets were small --- lunch at the Garden Deli or a place in Chicago. I continued the trend with people like Mary for small stakes. My sister used to enter my bracket into her workplace pool. This is the first year that I am not competing against a single bracket (like Mary) or my sister's workplace pool. Instead, I entered my bracket against friends in a Facebook bracket. I still wrote out my bracket. I'll still fill out a bracket with the actual winners. I can't let some things go.

I can't say that I like this year's bracket. I ended up filling out another bracket with the teams that I want to win but I didn't enter it anywhere. Last year, I beat Obama. We'll see how I compare against him this year.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

Management 101

I have 8 billion things to say on this topic. However, I can't because I know that some people read this blog that shouldn't read all my thoughts. It has actually sparked some ideas of mine about creating a truly anonymous blog quoting family and friends on things they encounter in the workplace.

I recently found out some unfortunate news about a former boss of mine. When I look back at the time I worked for her, I think of how much she helped shape who I am today. I guess that I can say the same thing for nearly every person I have worked for. Before I worked for her, I had the worst manager that I've ever experienced. She is a classic example of how you shouldn't manage a workplace. All my former managers had strengths and weaknesses. After all, don't we all bring a combination of practices to a workplace that we can be proud of, and others we wish we could take back? I really miss my boss from NYC (he isn't the one I heard the unfortunate news about). He could take a situation and really appreciate the irony, the responsibility attached to a task, and correctly evaluate our performance. He did all this with an amazing sense of humor. I don't think that I have ever had as encouraging a boss even though in the moment of all our stress we had a hard time appreciating his encouragement. When I saw him recently, I was reminded of how much I appreciated learning from him.

I've started reconsidering my role as a manager. One positive aspect of switching jobs is that I can recreate myself and take on the traits that I've wanted to develop and shed the ones that interfere with my performance. People don't have baggage so they see me in the present. I am afraid I could make all these changes right now and it wouldn't matter because people have their preconceived notions of me. I find that sad. I'm feeling pretty down about the whole management thing right now. I have some specific reasons I am down, but again I need to keep it to myself.

I've also reconsidered whether I want to remain a librarian. Because of other circumstances in my life, I am at a place where I can make some of these decisions. I want to start making a difference in the world. I don't think that is going to happen in my profession, or in my current environment.

But, I am grateful for Arno and Dianne for showing me how you can manage people ---- letting people grow, displaying a sense of humor, and being so supportive of me. The library community will miss your leadership.

Tired

It has been one of those weeks when I just want to put the covers over my head and sleep. Last week, I felt so good. I was getting things done and starting to catch up on projects (home - not work). This week is just lost. I haven't been able to read a newspaper, stay awake, read blogs, or send personal email. Even my walks with Elston have been less enjoyable.

On the bright side, I have vacation days in the next three weeks, including a trip to Illinois planned. I've spent some quality time with friends. I started working on a writing project. I've also thought more about how I am going to handle some difficult situations in my life.

Meanwhile, I have two important questions on animal life. One, why would robins take a bath in a muddy puddle? Doesn't it defeat the purpose? Second, what kind of animal is acting crazy on the roof above my head. I am almost scared to step outside to look. It sounds like a pack of squirrels building a social club. If so, I wonder if they can take the girl next door hostage.

Oscars

Academy Awards:

Red Carpet:

When did Miley Cyrus become someone that anyone cares about?

I think Jeff Bridges is stoned.

Do you think people laugh at the stupid announcers as soon as they walk away? I would.

Where is my girlfriend, Cate?

I love Gabourey. She is just damn awesome.

Okay, I love Meryl.

Awards:

Helen, Colin, George, Gabourey, Meryl!

Wait, is J-Lo sitting with Robin Williams?

Okay, I hate sing and dance numbers.

I thought that was David Paterson but it is Antonio Banderas. What the hell?

Vera could become my new girlfriend. Don't tell Cate.

Okay the Hitler memorabilia joke with Meryl was funny.

George Clooney looks thrilled. Not.

Okay, I don't think I can focus enough since I am multitasking.

Age awareness

The other day, I spoke to my niece on the phone. She has an upcoming birthday so I asked her how old she was going to be since I forget these things. She said ten.

It has left me freaked out because I distinctly remember everything surrounding her birthday --- the excitement, rushing to the hospital, and what was going on in my life. It was my sister's first baby. She called me on the way to the hospital because she forgot her camera at my apartment.

I had to go to a job that was my first professional library position. I hated this job more than anything else. It was hell on earth. I asked to leave work early so I could leave for the hospital. I was lectured because I had taken too much time off (no more than three days in months), and they had just found out that I had applied for another position. Well, of course I had. This job was horrible. I promised that I wouldn't pursue the other job just so I could leave for the hospital. Of course, I left that job only a few months later.

It was also the day before my best friend's 30th birthday. Her husband was throwing her a surprise party and I was playing a key role in the set-up role. We were nervous about Amy's due date and the party. Now the two of them are connected because their birthdays are a day apart.

Within her first year, I started a new job. I turned 30. I really started getting interested in my career. And, there was this little being who has turned into an amazing ten year old child. Granted, her birthday isn't for another month but I can't help thinking how much she changed my life.

February Reading and Watching

At least I am moving through the letter "C' after sitting on some movies for awhile.

Control: Movie about Ian Curtis, former lead singer of Joy Division. Cheery movie. No, not really. It is one of those movies that I am still thinking about even though it has been several weeks. Excellent performances. I keep listening to Joy Division, which is really helping my mood.

The Class: takes place in Paris at a school in a "rough" area. The movie is told from the perspective of one of the teachers. I liked it because it showed a side of Paris that I've read about, but never seen. Think of the third season (?) of the Wire in Paris but not as much of the home life shown. Okay, it is nothing like that season other than it involves a school, teacher trying to reach his students, and some kids acting up.

Charlie Wilson's War: this was the start of eerie encounters with real life. I watched this movie a few days after Charlie Wilson died. I hadn't planned it that way because my Netflix queue controls my life. I loved this movie! It was also nice to finally like Tom Hanks again. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of my favorite actors.

Cassandra's Dream: fairly forgettable. Save your time and just watch Crimes and Misdemeanors. You will save yourself from watching Tom Wilkinson perform some really bad scenes.

The Cove: I also hadn't planned watching this movie after the death of the SeaWorld trainer. I highly recommend this documentary that is up for an Oscar. It is basically an expose on the fishing industry in a small Japanese community. They slaughter dolphins and sell dolphin meat off as a mislabeled, higher end product. One of the problems is that dolphin meat is high in mercury. Oh, and they also sell dolphins to places like SeaWorld that lead dolphins to kill themselves from all of the stress and anxiety. It is what happened to one of the dolphins that played Flipper. One of the key players in the movie is the former trainer for the Flipper dolphins who now dedicates his life to rescuing dolphins. I know I watched Flipper but I can't remember what the show was about. It wasn't like Lassie where the dog would rescue Timmy. I need to go to Wikipedia.

Reading:

February was a slow month.

The Twin by Gerbrand Bakker: This was one of the Powell's Indiespensable club offerings. Good, quick read. Loads of useful information, huh?

Home Girl by Judith Matloff: I started out liking this book about a former foreign correspondent who moves back to NYC with her husband. They buy a house in West Harlem before gentrification hit the area. As I hit the halfway mark, I decided that the author pissed me off. She bitched about the contractors, the crime in the area, the crack dealers, and lack of police or political response. What the hell did she think? She had several attempts to get out of this purchase with enough clues that she was purchasing a mess. I once lived in a really bad Chicago neighborhood while I was a VISTA volunteer. I saw the crack dealers, the empty houses, the stares from residents and I didn't go out and buy a house. If I had, I would have known that it was going to be a rough road. Naive. Annoying.

January Reading

The Alchemy of Race and Rights by Patricia Williams: I'll admit that I started skimming the book during the last 1/4. My sister gave me this book years ago after she read it for one of her graduate courses. The entire time I read the book, I wondered what Williams thought of President Obama and some of our recent cultural wars. After finishing the book, I started reading some of her columns in The Nation and realized that I preferred her contemporary writing more than this book.

An American Childhood by Annie Dillard: I'm kind of dense at times. It took me forever to realize that this book was Dillard's story of her childhood. I really enjoyed her description of Pittsburgh and its history. It made me want to actually visit the city of her youth. She was definitely a quirky kid, which I could relate to since I had my own weird childhood habits. I wish she would have delved more into the conflict of her quirkiness and the reception she received in a wealthy circle of private school girls.

The Nine by Jeffrey Toobin: I can't recommend this book enough, especially if you are interested in American politics and culture. The Supreme Court strikes me as such a strange institution with plenty of personalities that are mostly mysterious. Toobin had some great insiders who fed him a lot of information. I suspect Sandra Day O'Connor was trying to redeem her reputation after her vote in Bush vs Gore. Given some recent Supreme Court rulings, I have a better understanding of how things work and how close we came to losing control of the courts if McCain had beat Obama.

Example of my profession

Last week, I attended the winter portion of my professional association's annual meetings. It is less focused on programs than meetings. I attended a three hour budget meeting. Boring? Not as much as you would think. The best part was when the crazy aspect of my profession entered the meeting in the last half hour.

Chair: Well, it looks like we are going to wrap up early

Me (all comments attributed to me were just said to myself): Weee! I get to meet my friends early for martinis!

Librarian #1 (who has the best posture of any human being): I would like to make a request.

Table quiets.

Librarian #1: I would like to ask the chair to number the documents in a way that makes it easier for the committee members to follow along. (As he speaks, he takes out a piece of paper from his binder and holds it up to the group).

Me: Wow, he has a binder. I just have a folder with stapled documents. Wait, what he is talking about? There are file names on the Excel spreadsheets and headers on the Word documents. My head hurts.

Librarian #1: I have been lost throughout this meeting as we refer to documents.

Me: Huh, really? And, you wait until the end of the meeting until we bring this up? Is this why you were checking your iPhone? Were you trying to reach other librarians to help you with this document situation?

Librarian #1: Could we have them labeled with the abbreviation for the committee, MW for Midwinter meeting, and then a document number?

Me: So stunned that my brain is no longer speaking to me.

Librarian #2: I suppose that is possible. We could also take the agenda and put the document number next to the related agenda item.

Murmurs of agreement at the table.

Me (again just to myself): Really? You can't just organize the documents in the order of the agenda because it isn't rocket science to figure everything out since they all have file names???

Librarian #1 (in the most serious tone): That would be much appreciated.

Me (outloud): But, would you number them 1 or 01?

More murmuring at the table.

Me (back to myself): Couldn't resist, could you? You just wanted to hold off that chocolate martini to get everyone all riled up again. Are you happy now?

Chair: Meeting adjourned.

Me, almost a week later: I can't really believe that happened at a professional meeting. His indignation at the document names! Seriously?

Speaking of places

This site reminds me of some more Chicago places.

Roeser's Bakery: this bakery is on a stretch of North Avenue that signaled to me that I was heading into a different stretch of Chicago. For nine months, I lived in a rough neighborhood of Chicago --- West Humboldt Park. I could probably write several posts about my living experience. This bakery breaks through class and racial barriers in the customers it serves.

Schuba's: The Schlitz sign is not the thing I love about this building. I love the old, terra-cotta Schlitz globe. Okay, I also love their Bloody Mary's.

Green Mill: One of the best venues in Chicago.

Place

Lately, I've been thinking about place --- where do I find comfort, what type of environment do I want to live in, and places that I miss. My brain keeps turning to Chicago since that is where I have lived the longest in my adult life. I miss wandering the city on days when I didn't feel so great. I could take an architecture tour and instantly lose myself in another time or in the details of a particular neighborhood. Belmont rocks staring out at Lake Michigan. Walking around the Cultural Center. Sitting at Salt & Pepper and eating some diner food. Even the place would change based on the time I lived in Chicago. Some of those locations probably weren't the healthiest since it involved drinking all day at Joe's on Broadway with neighborhood characters, such as the guy who would chew up his thumb. Mindless browsing of the used cd's at Reckless Records or the sale section at Unabridged Bookstore are all ways that I would shake whatever was going on.

Either I didn't live in Eugene long enough or there wasn't enough space for me to move around in but I had a hard time finding the same comforts. I would usually wander to High Street to read the paper, drink a pint and eat some tots in front of the fire. Or, I would drive around the countryside or the hills surrounding Eugene. The dog probably received longer walks as I stared at the buttes surrounding the town.

New Jersey? I definitely enjoyed driving to Weehawken and staring across the Hudson River at Manhattan. I could get a less impressive view from my neighborhood, but I usually needed to get out of my area. Walking around the West Village certainly helped. I would put together my own tours of neighborhoods by researching architectural, cultural and political history of a neighborhood mixed in with some food and drink. It usually wasn't a solitary event since I would drag Mary with me.

Portland. Definitely going to Powell's and wandering around for awhile. Yesterday, I tried to duplicate the comfort I felt from Salt & Pepper by going to Fuller's Coffeeshop for breakfast. It helped but it made me even more homesick for Chicago.

As I walked around Boston on my last morning in the city, I visited familiar places. It is what started the thought of place and what I need in my surroundings. I need history, interesting architecture, bookstores, an urban feel, bars with good beer on tap, and people I admire to fill those spaces.

Now for the movie thing

Now that I described my book thing, I should describe my weird movie thing. My movie watching habits are often mocked by certain people who shall not be named. Here is the situation --- I was adding a ton of movies to Netflix but never getting through my queue. At the same time, a meme went around on what movies people had seen from the list. I started thinking about the AFI's greatest movies list. I decided that I wanted to see all of the movies that I had missed from the Top 100, Top 400 nominated, and the Top 5 in each category. As a result, my Netflix queue kept growing.

Then I started reviewing lists of top movies from IMDB and Roger Ebert's greatest movies. I like Ebert's list because it has more variety since it includes foreign films. I started feeling overwhelmed.

I decided to organize my queue alphabetically. I started watching all of the "A" movies. After I was mocked for including leading articles, I had to quickly adjust my "A" list. Rather than moving along to "B" movies, I decided to mix it up by switching every other letter. I am now on the "C" movies. It is nice and random to watch some classic that I never watched, along with a recent release that I missed in the theater.

Here is what I wrote on Facebook after finishing the letter "A". I am probably halfway through letter C, but the mini-series on Chicago will throw things off.

Best movies: Atlantic City was my favorite. Burt Lancaster was perfect. I also really enjoyed All About Eve and All the President's Men.

Least favorite: A Clockwork Orange (yes, the leading article thing. Because of complaints from fellow librarians, I dropped leading articles after this movie). I couldn't finish watching it. I also didn't really like All that Jazz. Yes, I thought Roy Scheider was excellent, but I am not a huge fan of musicals. It did give me a great line that I now randomly drop into conversations - "It's showtime" as I do jazz hands.

Surprises: Around in the World in 80 days. I really didn't think I was going to like this movie, but I found it a lot of fun.

Other movies I watched:
Alien (one review I read talked about the stillness that is almost unheard of in today's action films. I couldn't agree more)
American Splendor
A Streetcar Named Desire (yes, leading article thing. I am embarrassed that I never saw this movie until now. Marlon Brando? Hot)
Annie Hall (for some reason, I had never seen this Allen movie before. I eventually grew into my tired-of-Woody phase, but I loved him in this movie)
Anatomy of a Murder
Awful Truth
Adam's Rib
All Quiet on the Western Front (the political implications when this movie was released...hard to imagine what would happen now)
An American in Paris (I love watching Gene Kelly dance)
The Apartment

2009 Reading

Before I bore you with an account of how I am completely OCD about my reading list, here are my top five reads of the year (in no particular order)

Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell -- How many people think it is strange that someone would laugh out loud at nearly every paragraph in a book about Puritans? If you say yes, you need to read Sarah Vowell.

State by State by Matt Weiland and Sean Wilsey --- following the WPA guides that were written during the Great Depression, Weiland and Wilsey asked 50 authors to write about a state. Some of the authors had never lived in the state they wrote about, and others were very enthusiastic, life-long residents. Writers include Carrie Brownstein, Anthony Bourdain, Joshua Ferris, Susan Orlean, Ha Jin, and Alison Bechdel. Terrific compilation.

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - wow and wow. It tells the story of the Nigerian-Biafra war during the late 60s.

A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore -- this is another book that made me laugh out loud. I bothered Mary a lot when I read this book because I loved how Moore described people and situations. My only disappointment with this book is how they handled the storyline of the main character's boyfriend. I've heard others were offended by Moore's treatment of Wisconsin residents. To me, it felt like I was reading about home and any liberal college town in the Midwest.

Last Campaign by Thurston Clarke - I almost chose another fiction work for my top 5 but this work really affected me. I read this account of Robert Kennedy's campaign for president shortly before Ted Kennedy died. Thanks Bon for this gift!

Other top books this year:

Fiction

The Beautiful Things that Heaven Bears by Dinaw Menegestu

The Outlander by Gil Adamson

Crow Road by Iain Banks

The Complete Persepolis by Mirjane Satrapi

American Pastoral by Philip Roth

A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick

Non-Fiction

Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 - Lawrence Wright

The Worst Hard Time - Timothy Egan

Islamophobia - Peter Gottschalk

Worst Books:

My Father Frank Lloyd Wright - John Lloyd Wright

Now about the reading list:

Last year, I decided I was tired of not reading enough of my unread books. I felt I needed to create some order but also force myself to read things that have been sitting on my shelves for years. During 2009, I used two different methods of organizing my reading list. First, I have several areas of unread books --- I use LibraryThing for all of my books so I can easily sort by unread books. I use a WorldCat List for all of the books that I don't own but want to read (I have a list to add to the list). I started off with an alphabetical ordering by author's last name and title and then reversing it. The only exception to the alphabetical ordering was adding in titles from Powell's Indiespensable Book Club (best damn thing ever created).

Starting in late 2009, I decided to mix things up some more. I still make exceptions for Powell's books, but I pick a book from shelves or from pages of the WorldCat reading list. Think I am crazy yet? This will convince you.

Start with a Powell's book

Book from one shelf of a bookcase that is fiction

Book from one shelf of a bookcase that is non-fiction

Book from one page of the WorldCat list

Book from one shelf of a bookcase that is in my bedroom (these are usually new books I purchase and really don't want to wait too long to read)

Start over

OCD.

So long 2009

2009 wasn't a bad year. It wasn't a great year. It was just a good year. The worst part of the year was how it started and ended. I started the year mourning a co-worker who died over the holidays. I ended the year mourning the deaths of two former co-workers. Also, I saw friends of mine have to part with their animals as they passed away. Throughout the year, I was confronted with these reminders of mortality. I'm more mindful of time and relationships as I start 2010.

The best part of 2009 was reconnecting with friends and family. I have to thank Facebook for facilitating this process of reintroducing long lost friends. Whether it is friends from high school or college, I am pleased with the opportunity to reconnect and stay current with people. I've also become closer to family members who are at a great distance. A trip to Illinois this summer helped me reconnect with family, family friends and my best friend. Despite aggravating my general homesickness, I treasured the time spent in Freeport and Chicago. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see everyone I wanted because of the time of year with family vacations or I was trying to balance free time with a conference.

For financial reasons, I was unable to travel as much in 2009. I used some of my extra money to cover conference expenses in Denver and Chicago. I also spent quite a bit of time in Davis. I spent one week just sleeping and reading as Mary worked. We were able to spend a wonderful day with one of my aunts. We also went on our annual trip to Charleston, South Carolina. Not only is it one of my favorite cities, but it is also one of the best library conferences. The best trip in 2009 was spending time with 4 close friends on a Texas ranch. Tubing down a river with a cooler of beer was probably one of the most relaxing moments of 2009.

I started 2009 with many frustrations over my professional career. It wasn't until the late fall that I started to feel better about things. I've always relied on my professional network to help me through difficulties on my local level. It was the same thing this year as I really struggled with morale. Things are settling down and I'm working on some interesting projects.

I am healthy. I keep working through medication issues but I have nothing to complain about. Elston is fine even as her whiskers grow a little whiter and she needs help jumping up on things.

I don't really remember my 2009 resolutions except the one that I would figure things out. Ha. My main 2010 resolution is to try and do a better job of keeping in touch with people. I am horrible with maintaining communication. I also want to do a better job of sustaining my Portland community of friends as I try to figure out where 2010 will take me.