At the last minute, I decided to take off on a road trip for my birthday. Elston and I piled in the car for a drive to Davis, California. It was the best birthday that I've had in years. More importantly, we were able to see Mary's new digs and spend quality time together. We had lots of great meals, a WNBA game (go former Rutgers players!), naps, and checking out Davis. Plus, I was able to try In-N-Out burger. Crazy good.
It was also nice to get in the car and just drive. There was no pressure to get anywhere fast. It was 18 quality hours with Elston. The only downfall was the poor air quality from fires in Northern California. Oh and the bird that I murdered when it hit my car. I think it was a suicidal mission.
The weekend was too short. I'm having a hard time adjusting to my regular routine.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Spider Chronicles - North Battlefield
My friends, I hate to inform you but my new home has placed me in the heart of a new, more violent, Spider battlefield. I hesitate to tell you all of the details because I don't want you to fear for my safety or to give children nightmares. Yes, it is bad.
Apparently, the Spiders took advantage of a vacant house to turn it into some sort of Spider safehouse or even headquarters. The exact purpose of my house is unclear to me. What is clear to me is that we are dealing with savvier enemies.
Spider Forces
I need to state right from the start that these Spiders are significantly larger than the NE Portland branch of Spider nation. I don't know what they are feeding on but their size and speed is noteworthy, if not frightening. I can handle small and medium size Spiders. These are gigantic.
Dead Legs: These members of the Spider Forces are standing watch over something that is in the basement. I haven't determined if it is a weapons stash, meeting place, sleeping quarters or the headquarters of North Portland Spider Nation. Unfortunately, the washer and dryer are located in the basement. This poses problems for obvious reasons.
Agents: These are scary agents. Large. Very large. Fast. I have seen them try various maneuvers: hide under the bathroom rug and then strike in the early morning hours; stalk the bathroom floor and run fast; and the sink maneuver. The latter is the most alarming especially at 5:30 in the morning. These agents can swim! I know that the leaders are encouraging them to breach the DMZ - my bed. Red Dog is completely useless in defending our territory.
Assassin: Yes, they exist and I saw one last evening. It died.
Troops: I am assuming that I will only see these troops outside. I am trying to figure out their nutritional habits because they seem quite large.
I am waiting for the Special Orb Forces and Leaders to appear. So far, we are safe but I know they exist. They are watching us.
Human Tactics:
I have tried various measures to counteract the Spider hell I seem to have moved into.
Shoe Weaponry: I have used this twice to great success (One agent and Assassin)
Mowing: I can't take too much credit for the use of mower weaponry. It was purely accidental when I mowed over a Death Leg. Really. It is also isn't an effective weapon inside the house.
Relocation: This is the most controversial tactic and one that I refuse to use. BP and Mary have used this method with Death Legs. Mary did engage in Operation Massive Death Leg Relocation. It was an impressive display of moving at least 7-8 Death Legs out of the home.
Drowning: At this point, I have tried this with the Agents who are practicing sink maneuvers. The Agent who showed up this morning refused to drown. I believe the Agent faked his death and used the drain escape route. Is this considered waterboarding?
I am now moving into more extreme tactics.
Noise Torture: I have deployed multiple noise sensors that are supposed to drive out Spider forces and their prey. While I have noticed a decline in the enemy, I am not completely satisfied especially after the Thursday morning sink strike of an Agent.
Canine and Feline: Red Dog needs training. She took out an Agent that suddenly appeared on her doctor's waiting room floor. I still think it is a big "ha-ha, see I can kill them but only when you take me to places I don't like." Felines are moving in this weekend but I have been warned that they are not trained in Spider warfare.
Chemical Warfare: I am seriously contemplating bringing in a professional chemical weapons expert to secure the perimeter.
Meanwhile, I need to face the dark terrain and do laundry. My personal safety blanket will either be xanax or a lot of alcohol.
It hasn't been an easy time. I hate to say this but they could win this battle.
Apparently, the Spiders took advantage of a vacant house to turn it into some sort of Spider safehouse or even headquarters. The exact purpose of my house is unclear to me. What is clear to me is that we are dealing with savvier enemies.
Spider Forces
I need to state right from the start that these Spiders are significantly larger than the NE Portland branch of Spider nation. I don't know what they are feeding on but their size and speed is noteworthy, if not frightening. I can handle small and medium size Spiders. These are gigantic.
Dead Legs: These members of the Spider Forces are standing watch over something that is in the basement. I haven't determined if it is a weapons stash, meeting place, sleeping quarters or the headquarters of North Portland Spider Nation. Unfortunately, the washer and dryer are located in the basement. This poses problems for obvious reasons.
Agents: These are scary agents. Large. Very large. Fast. I have seen them try various maneuvers: hide under the bathroom rug and then strike in the early morning hours; stalk the bathroom floor and run fast; and the sink maneuver. The latter is the most alarming especially at 5:30 in the morning. These agents can swim! I know that the leaders are encouraging them to breach the DMZ - my bed. Red Dog is completely useless in defending our territory.
Assassin: Yes, they exist and I saw one last evening. It died.
Troops: I am assuming that I will only see these troops outside. I am trying to figure out their nutritional habits because they seem quite large.
I am waiting for the Special Orb Forces and Leaders to appear. So far, we are safe but I know they exist. They are watching us.
Human Tactics:
I have tried various measures to counteract the Spider hell I seem to have moved into.
Shoe Weaponry: I have used this twice to great success (One agent and Assassin)
Mowing: I can't take too much credit for the use of mower weaponry. It was purely accidental when I mowed over a Death Leg. Really. It is also isn't an effective weapon inside the house.
Relocation: This is the most controversial tactic and one that I refuse to use. BP and Mary have used this method with Death Legs. Mary did engage in Operation Massive Death Leg Relocation. It was an impressive display of moving at least 7-8 Death Legs out of the home.
Drowning: At this point, I have tried this with the Agents who are practicing sink maneuvers. The Agent who showed up this morning refused to drown. I believe the Agent faked his death and used the drain escape route. Is this considered waterboarding?
I am now moving into more extreme tactics.
Noise Torture: I have deployed multiple noise sensors that are supposed to drive out Spider forces and their prey. While I have noticed a decline in the enemy, I am not completely satisfied especially after the Thursday morning sink strike of an Agent.
Canine and Feline: Red Dog needs training. She took out an Agent that suddenly appeared on her doctor's waiting room floor. I still think it is a big "ha-ha, see I can kill them but only when you take me to places I don't like." Felines are moving in this weekend but I have been warned that they are not trained in Spider warfare.
Chemical Warfare: I am seriously contemplating bringing in a professional chemical weapons expert to secure the perimeter.
Meanwhile, I need to face the dark terrain and do laundry. My personal safety blanket will either be xanax or a lot of alcohol.
It hasn't been an easy time. I hate to say this but they could win this battle.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Weekends
I had one of the best weekends with close friends on the Oregon coast. We rented a house, drank a lot, ate great food and laughed so much it hurt. Elston discovered that she is a future beach bum. I really needed that weekend. More than anything, I loved spending time with some of the finest friends a person could have.
Lots of other things to say especially about the recent political news. I think this video sums it up. By the way, Wonkette is one of my favorite blogs.
Lots of other things to say especially about the recent political news. I think this video sums it up. By the way, Wonkette is one of my favorite blogs.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Utah
I am so far behind in papers that I feel really out of touch with things. I know that some famous people have died this week, including the amazing Bo Diddly. But, I was incredibly sad to read that Utah Phillips passed away last week. Ani DiFranco brought me to his music with her 1996 recording with Utah. I saw him perform in probably 2002 or 2003 at the Old Town School of Folk Music. It was a great show with him mostly telling stories. He told the audience of his heart condition and that he was starting to slow down.
Sad news.
Sad news.
Monday, June 2, 2008
No longer library living
I no longer live above a library. I love our cute house even though I am currently surrounded by chaos. I've decided in-city moves are more hectic than long distance ones. We had some fun with our movers who were some really nice guys. I started off the day irritated because they were running really late but we were all hugging goodbye when they left. The pressure is on to get some order because later this week some of my favorite people in the world are coming for a visit. Granted, we are heading off to the coast after one night but I want them to enjoy our place and not stare at a mountain of boxes.
Elston is adjusting. She developed her annual allergies so I took her to the vet for more drugs. I also had her checked out for a few other symptoms that popped up this week. Everything is fine except my vet enabled her addiction. She asked if I was giving Elston chews, like Greenies. Great. She advocated that I continue giving her Greenies. Enabler or pusher. I can't decide.
There are other funny things from this weekend that I want to write about but I am so fried. I also need to head off to Home Depot to prepare for some chemical warfare against the North Portland tribe of spiders. Oh yeah. It is an ugly situation.
Elston is adjusting. She developed her annual allergies so I took her to the vet for more drugs. I also had her checked out for a few other symptoms that popped up this week. Everything is fine except my vet enabled her addiction. She asked if I was giving Elston chews, like Greenies. Great. She advocated that I continue giving her Greenies. Enabler or pusher. I can't decide.
There are other funny things from this weekend that I want to write about but I am so fried. I also need to head off to Home Depot to prepare for some chemical warfare against the North Portland tribe of spiders. Oh yeah. It is an ugly situation.
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