Interview with Studs

Interview with Studs Terkel on the Leonard Lopate show (courtesy of Mary).

As he gets older, I treasure every interview with him. May he live many more years even though my sister says he isn't doing so swell. He calls himself the poet with the tape recorder and I couldn't agree more.

Bhutto

Photos of Bhutto at her last rally and shortly before her death. The commentary is interesting.

Christmas and all that

If I ever finish getting my holiday cards out, everyone will realize what is on my mind. The card shows a woman looking stressed and the caption above her head says, "All I want for Christmas is a nap."

I was not stressed like the woman but all I did over the holidays was sleep. It was almost embarrassing how much I slept. I slept so much that my back has hurt a lot over the last two days. I think it hurts because of the amount of sleeping. I did get out and see people. I wasn't a complete shut-in but I was in a daze when I wasn't asleep.

10 years ago

On one of my online communities, someone asked what we were doing 10 years ago. I've been thinking about this question a lot over the last few days.

1997 was one of the worst years of my life but ended on a promising note. It was the year my father died, which explains why it was the worst year of my life. I finished up my last bout as a VISTA volunteer. I worked as a research consultant for a small non-profit company on a part-time basis before I joined library school. In December of 1997, I was most likely finishing up my first semester as a graduate student. I was a weekend circulation manager at a large academic health sciences library. I had just been hired as a full-time serials assistant at an area university library.

I lived in 3 different apartments that year. I started off living in the West Humboldt Park neighborhood of Chicago. It was an apartment in one of the condos set aside for VISTA and AmeriCorps volunteers. I quickly moved out of there when I left VISTA to live in an East Lakeview studio apartment. It was in a high rise building very close to Lake Michigan. It was incredibly small with very little sound proofing. In December of 1997, I had been living for several months in a coach house apartment in Lakeview.

I came out to my family and close friends in 1997. Nicole and I started dating in June 1997. In August 1997, she backed out of a job teaching English in Taiwan for a year. She decided the day she was supposed to fly to Seattle for her training that she wanted to stay in Chicago with me. She had already moved her belongings to Boston, quit her job and moved out of her apartment. We had to find her a job, find a place to live, and get her things back from Boston. We were about ready to celebrate our first holiday together with her Hannukah decorations alongside our little Christmas tree. We thought we would be together forever. We were just starting the conversation about adopting a dog.

Now I am a librarian, back in a health sciences library and still involved with serials. I am still doing all sorts of crazy things for love but am a little more weary and less trusting as I was back in 1997. I am in Portland. I live in a nice apartment with excellent sound proofing and no leaky ceilings. Nicole and I are still friends after a 5-year relationship. At the time, my best companion was only three months old.

I won't go into comparing 2007 to 1997 other than to say that I am glad that this year is coming to a close. Like 1997, I still really miss my dad.

Nether Lands.

Dan Fogelberg died today. He was my first crush on an artist. I was a weird child because Nether Lands was one of my favorite songs.

Insults

As I was typing the word insults into the title field, I couldn't help but think of how annoying it is when people argue back and forth in their blogs. What happened to conversations? What good does it do to rant against someone that you know in real life and not try to resolve it in person or via a private email? It is the ultimate form of passive aggressive behavior. Of course I have done this a few times but at least I have some self-awareness. It is because I am perfect! Ha! As if.

Now to the real point of my post. Elston and I almost met our end this morning (note how dramatic I am when blogging). We were crossing the street right in front of our apartment when a driver blew through the 4 way stop. The driver slowed down as she got close to the stop, so I entered the intersection. I must have still been asleep otherwise I would have noticed that she had no intention of actually stopping. We almost got hit. Elston's leash was extended just enough that I screamed at Elston to stop. Whew.

I saw the driver turn at the next street. Imagine my delight when I saw the driver exiting her mini-van and start to enter a local business. Oh yeah. I was calm.

E: Do you even realize that you almost hit us at the intersection back there?
Driver: Uh, no.
E: Yea, you blew through a 4 way stop in front of the library.
Driver: Well, I thought you were on the curb.
E: Um, no. I was in the street because most people stop at stop signs (starting to become a little more sarcastic in my tone)
Driver: Wow.
(Elston is sniffing at things in the grass and completely clueless that she almost saw white tunnels and fields of treats)
E: Yea, wow.

I started to walk away and then the inner 12 year old came out.
E: You should be embarrassed of yourself and embarrassed that you walked out of the house with that hairstyle.

Bowl haircut. Two different colors. Please. I'm really not a snob about hair but c'mon. She almost killed my dog. BP would have been so proud of me calling her on her style.

Vacation

I returned yesterday from a week in Illinois. Highlights:

- Spending quality time with family. I haven't been home for more than 24 hours in over two years so this trip meant a lot to me. I divided my time between Freeport and Elmhurst/Chicago.

- I was really lucky with both of my flights. No problems at all even flying into O'Hare when there was an ice storm.

- I don't miss the Chicago weather. There was the ice storm, two minor snow storms (really minor - 6 and 4 inches), and cold.

- I saw the Bears lose two games.

- Both of my sisters made some of my favorite foods.

- Seeing my niece and nephews was the major highlight.

- Food - I had a butter burger at Culvers, my favorite salad at Avenue Ale House, breakfast at Victory's Banner, and lunch at Pasta Palazzo.

- I was able to reconnect with former co-workers.

- I saw two excellent exhibits as part of the Festival of Maps. The exhibit at the Field Museum was very cool. We saw everything from a map of the land of make believe to Lewis & Clark maps to maps drawn by DaVinci.

- I was able to walk around my old Chicago neighborhood.

I miss Chicago and my family. There is nothing like helping my niece with her homework or my little nephew practice writing letters and numbers. I wonder if I made the right decision on moving to Portland instead of Chicago when I had the option. It felt right coming back to Portland on Saturday so I guess that says something.

Winter travel

I am leaving Oregon before a winter storm slams the area. What I am heading into? Just a winter storm in Chicago. Lovely. Snow and ice tomorrow. What do you think the chances are of me successfully arriving on time at O'Hare tomorrow evening? I am flying American using some frequent flier miles. I am sure someone was paying attention and looked at my travel schedule. American? Well, we should just create some ice, wind and snow. Mwwwuuuaaahhhh.

For all of the comments...

Over the years, some of you have wondered why I haven't bought rain gear for Elston. All of the comments can stop. Here is our model:



More pictures of the very unhappy dog can be viewed under the Picasa link on the right hand side.

I need to tell you that she is really not happy. We'll see how it works outside in the rain. Someone could also stand to lose a little weight in the middle. The velcro had a hard time sticking when she moved.

Family Values

A few weeks ago, I went with BP to get an egg nog shake at Burgerville. I am sure I already wrote about how great it was and all of that stuff. I probably didn't mention that I told BP that I wanted to marry the shake since it was so good.

Tonight, BP, E, K and I went on a shopping trip to Troutdale. The added benefit was dinner at Burgerville (kinda sad that a fast food place is an added benefit but you would understand if you had Burgerville). In addition to the egg nog, they also offered a peppermint chocolate shake. I went for the peppermint shake. I confessed that now I wanted to divorce the egg nog shake and marry the peppermint shake. After debating the merits of both, BP declared us polyshakists. I don't know who would be the sister wives (shakes or BP/EM?) but it could become a fun nickname. I'm not 100% sure who overheard our conversation but we left an empty restaurant.

I should add that when B'ville adds chocolate hazelnut shakes in January that I'll really reach a crossroads. I prefer to call that one - heaven in a cup.

Four years later

Sometimes it can take a long time to see justice take place. Four years ago, there was a car accident that took the life of one of the most amazing women that I have ever known. She was a volunteer at my first job out of library school. Her intelligence, compassion and grace left a mark on so many people, including me. The truck driver who killed her and some of her closest friends was finally found guilty.

Just in time

As many of you probably know, I despise Gwyenth Paltrow. Well, it is a good thing I am no longer living in New Jersey since she is filming a movie in Hoboken. The temptation to push her into the Hudson River as I shop at Rite-Aid would have been too much for me to handle.

By the way, I saw my first snowflakes of the season. It was a mixture of snow/rain and didn't stick. Oh well.

Long weekends

What could be a better weekend than sleeping, reading, spending time with friends, and watching my sports teams win.

Chicago Bears in overtime. KU men's basketball in overtime. Rutgers also won. The only downer is that the KU football team lost. I am still in shock that they were even #2 in the country.

Giving thanks to beer with BP on Wednesday night at the Kennedy School. Thanksgiving dinner with CW at Edgefield. Movie with B&A on Friday. Winery tasting on Saturday with CW. Old and new friends...makes me appreciate where I am in my life.

Even better? Naps. Lots and lots of naps.

I really wish this weekend was lasting longer.

Oh, yea, Thanksgiving

As I walked the dog today, I was trying to think of the things I give thanks for this year. I instantly went the sarcastic route but here is my list as of 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving eve.

Egg nog shakes at Burgerville

Mary is still a significant part of my life

Elston is acting as immature and healthy as ever

Health is improving

My family is healthy, plus Luke is safely back from Iraq

BP moved to Portland

I can see a view of Mt Hood from my apartment (only for awhile longer before a condo development obstructs my view). It is even more visible now with the snow. It is an especially great view with the sunrise.

Better job

Washer/dryer in the apartment

Tater tots

Books

Bush only has a year left

No NE weather this year

Quotes

"People who shop in Whole Foods are just too serious. It makes me tense."

- Neighboring diner in Charleston

"Why does it smell like one big Christmas wreath outside?"

- Elston. Okay, not really. It was me saying it to Elston who doesn't understand English and was busy sniffing leaves.

Conversation about centipedes (more or less what was said)
Erin: I killed a centipede today in the apartment
E: What?
Erin: Yea, a centipede on the bedroom wall
E: They don't have centipedes in Oregon!!!

Followed by:
E: Erin said she killed a centipede in our apartment building. In her bedroom.
Mary: Uh huh
E: Don't you understand?? I've never seen a 'pede in Oregon before. I thought I was safe.
Mary: Uh huh
E: Spiders are one thing but centipedes are satan's army.
Mary: Please tell Erin not to tell you anymore about 'pedes in the building.
E: Did you hide information from me in NJ? Did you?
Mary: No.

I *so* don't believe her. You thought I was bad about Spiders but they have nothing on 'pedes. Ask anyone who has known me for a long time and they will quickly nod in agreement. I would welcome armies of Spiders in my apartment before I see one 'pede enter the threshold.

Curses

I did it. I broke my string of bad flying experiences. The only bad moment on any of my flights was when my flight from Portland landed in Cincinnati. We landed so hard that my teeth hurt for about 30 minutes. All of us were fairly disturbed but it passed.

I do want to comment on a few things from yesterday.

The Charleston airport is insane. For a small airport, they take security very seriously. I am not sure if they have secret information that outlines potential threats coming out of the airport, but I have never seen TSA take their jobs so seriously. Newark, LA, Chicago, JFK? Nothing on Charleston. Is this where they are supposed to get their training? Don't get me wrong. I support strong airport security. I like security. I just think that just maybe..Charleston takes it to an extreme. Based on prior experiences, I knew to allow plenty of time for security processing. I had two people review my Kiehl's lotion before it went through screening to make sure it was less than 3.5 fluid ounces and to announce down the screening line that it was less than 3.5 fluid ounces. Whew! They also had security ride a mountain bike through the terminal. This is a very small terminal. The best feature? The attendant in the woman's bathroom who wipes off the handle of every stall before someone walks in.

I know that Chik-fil-a does not open on Sundays but why not the Atlanta airport franchise? Can't we compromise some of our beliefs to satisfy a longing customer? At least my layover allowed me to watch football.

My flight from Atlanta to Portland was long. 5 hours long. I passed time by playing in-flight trivia against fellow passengers. I almost went to find Brian in 7A to tell him that I was taking him down. When I finally started winning, I wanted to find him to tell that I had sufficiently kicked his ass off the plane. Watching NFL score updates and our flight progress made for lots of entertainment. I am now a fan of in-flight entertainment at your disposal and Delta. Screw American and United.

Charleston

I love coming here once a year for a great conference and excellent food. As far as conference content, this is one of the best programs that I've heard in a long time. I promised BP that I would tell her of the great food that I've consumed over the few days I've been here.

Wednesday: No trip to Charleston is complete without a stop at Jestine's Kitchen. I had fried chicken and M had shrimp creole (I think??).

Friday: Fish. Great little place. I had massive scallops over some of the best rice I've ever had. M had their fish of the day special and I spaced out on the fish. Clearly, I was paying more attention to my food.

Saturday: lunch at Gaulart & Maliclet which serves French fast food. Dinner at Slightly North of Broad. This is the 2nd time I've been to this restaurant with M. I'm not sure how many times she's been there but she knows enough to reserve us a spot at the chef's table. This restaurant recently received the award for best restaurant of the year which is no easy feat considering the great dining in Charleston. I had their shrimp and grits while M had their grouper special.

I leave full and tired.

Propaganda or allies in motion?

I can finally write about this now that I am safely in the city limits of Charleston, South Carolina, and far away from the enemies in Portland. Yes, the Spiders. I know it has been awhile since I have updated the world on the Spider wars. Honestly, it has been quiet. I know.

A few weeks ago, I went to a local briefing on Spider venoms: tools of tiny predators. You ain't kidding. I was really prepared for a bunch of propaganda because it was hosted by a local science museum. The speaker even tossed out a few quotes from several official Spider propagandists otherwise known as Information Representatives of Spider Nation. It quickly turned into a useful lesson for all of us on Spider defense.

We started off by viewing the key tools of Spiders. What are they? Eyes. Lots of beady little eyes. The speaker, aka Expert, informed us of their killing methods. Did you know that there are 40,000 species of Spiders? Yes, my friends. 40,000 species prepared to prey on us and plot their stupid overthrows. They immobilize prey using special things such as 8 eyes, narrow waists (so disarming), silk and venom.

In our debriefing, we saw images of where venom comes out of their creepy bodies. Elston could have really used this session to work on her strategy of disarmament. I am sure she was pondering the usefulness of Greenies in filling her belly over the safety of our fair city.

We also learned of their "prey capture techniques" which was quite alarming. Some Spider species are clever enough to actually fish, disguise their bodies by using camouflage, create a folding door environment and other such horrible tactics.

The debriefing became more exciting when she moved to the 30 Spider families in the Northwest. I thought I was leaving the mafia behind in New Jersey but they have nothing on these little killing machines. They aren't the Ogre Faced Spider clan that are causing so many problems in my neighborhood. No. It is the Cross Spider family that controls my area. They took over the gambling machines, kicked out the kitten prostitutes and now control a 4 block radius around the library. Yes, it is true. Really. They don't fool me with their Cross Social Club signs just like the signs in Hoboken that said Soprano Social Club with old Spiders sitting out front made me walk a little faster. I was quite impressed with the Expert who described the Spies (one failure on her part was not calling them Spies. Why protect the audience? Hobo, Garden and Wolf are lame nicknames). As she described the Wolf Spies, she mentioned their mating calls. All I could recall was the little theme song from Deliverance that I hear playing in the trees as I walk by with Elston. Now I know it is a bunch of Wolf Spy Sex. Are they serenading the crows?

As I sat and listened to the Expert and debated how we could get her to walk our neighborhood and make the Spiders quiver, I realized the challenges facing us. As she reminded us, the Spider can provide us cheap, accessible entertainment or they can own us. After all, the Spiders have been around forever.

I did walk away with some new killing tactics. Flip a Spider on its back and it will stick to its web. Strike fear in them by mentioning the Jumping Spider that stalks like a cat. What scares us? Fear of others. I am sure we can get new colonizing Spiders to scare the Cross Spiders out of my neighborhood.

My friends, I do believe I have lost my mind.

Lectures

No, I am not going to lecture on various topics even though I am sure I could come up with some quick preachy things to say. I could write about how I can't shake my cough as I prepare to leave tomorrow for a conference. Or, I could write about a lecture I heard last week on spiders. I thought I would save that one for a few more days. No, I am going to write about my response to a flier that was handed to me by some people walking my neighborhood. I am sure my response will offend but this is how I react to things. B and M provided some assistance as noted below.

Lecture names followed by our responses:

1) Prophecy unveils the end of the world Can it wait until the Bears win another Super Bowl or at least I get back from this conference? (EM)

2) Lawlessness, Terrorism and Plagues upon the land. Sounds intense. Are they referring to out of control, terrorist spiders? (EM)

3) Prophecy exposes the missing link. Oh you're the one, Elston (MP)

4) The antichrist. Otherwise known as the Dick Cheney lecture (EM)

5) How to successfully bury your past. All it takes is a big shovel (BP)

6) The real truth about near death experiences. Stay away from the light Carol Ann (MP) or Carol Ann is in the tv (BP)

7) When the devil takes a vacation. And, goes to Florida (EM)

8) The unpardonable sin. Just one? Yay! (EM)

9) Why so many denominations. Fractions are a bitch (BP)

10) Revelations plan for end time living. Beer is on sale at 7-11 (BP) Only 25 shopping days until the rapture (MP)

Where am I?

I turned the tv on and Kansas football has 69 points against Nebraska. Huh? I remember when we were lucky to win a few games a year and we dreaded the game against Nebraska. Now KU is undefeated. Wow.

I can say that I am no longer in New Jersey just by reading local media.
- Front page of metro section of the Oregonian informs us of World Toilet Summit 2007. November 19th is World Toilet Day.

- A "vegan mini-mall" is now in one of my local neighborhoods.

I am definitely in a weird animal planet episode. I had my suspicions after the Sunday morning cat social gatherings but this tops it all. Crow sex. Or, I think it was since I am a little nervous about googling crow sex. Two crows on a wire with one right behind the other. I mean, right behind the other one. Whatever it was, I wasn't the only one watching. I turned around and there was a crowd of crows watching from another wire. Two squirrels joined in the bird watching.

Terkel to the rescue

Just as my cynicism starts to take over, Studs reminds me that it is important to have faith -

I have observed and written about American life for some time. In truth, nothing much surprises me anymore. But I always feel uplifted by this: Given the facts and an opportunity to act, the body politic generally does the right thing. By revealing the truth in a public forum, the American people will have the facts to play their historic, heroic role in putting our nation back on the path toward freedom. That is why we deserve our day in court.

Full op-ed

Chicago and Portland

Lately, I've been really nostalgic for Chicago. I've been remembering lots of places and certain memories keep popping up. Most of them seem to center around my DePaul years or living on Buckingham Pl. I have a super old blog that is going to go away soon but I used to write about neighborhood transitions. I bet if I took that list and checked to see what businesses are still around, I would find very few. Hopefully, I would still find some of them thriving.

I've thought about those neighborhood transitions, neighborhood characters such as burlap man, walking down Roscoe from my sister's apartment to mine, walking down Broadway or Clark to Lincoln Park, spending time in some of the few independent or secondhand bookstores, waiting at the Belmont El, sitting on the Belmont rocks with Elston, Chicago Historical Society (now called something else), eating at Salt and Pepper, beer garden at Sheffields, drinking and watching football at Joe's on Broadway, and even attending mass with my parents at Mt. Carmel. It all feels like yesterday when it is actually 10 years ago. I was using the Google maps streetview thing and I was back on the corner of Addison and Broadway and looking at the window of Joe's on Broadway.

So much of who I am was formed during those years. I miss the time when I had a wide open space to define who I wanted to be and how to live my life. I am scared that the older we get, we don't have as many of those opportunities. I guess I am nostalgic for those times when I was much more carefree and could just roam for hours. For the first time in ages, I am living in a neighborhood that allows me to roam. I live in Portland's Hollywood neighborhood. Instead of 3 flats, think of craftsman style houses. The business district is less dense and much smaller but there are pockets that remind of Lakeview. Okay, much less dense. I guess it is the old and new that remind me of Lakeview and that is about it.

Carrie Brownstein from Sleater-Kinney, recently read an essay (scroll down and you can download the essay) at the New School about living in the Hollywood neighborhood. She talked about the places she walks past that have character and are stuck in the past and how it compares to some of the newer establishments that quickly look old. Unlike Chicago's residential development that so drastically changed or businesses torn down and replaced with something brand new, the Hollywood neighborhood takes a different approach. She mentioned how Mark Lindsay's Rock and Roll Cafe is an attempt to bring back the old - the days of Paul Revere and the Raiders and Yaw's burgers. It is a great essay that reflects much of how I feel about this neighborhood after only a short time.

One regret I have about those days in Chicago is that I never documented those street scenes that left such an impression on me. I want to change that with Hollywood. I feel the need to capture some of this on camera and not through Google's streetview. Like those days in Chicago, I am in a new chapter of my life (really I am trying not to use a pun since I live above a library), I'm reflecting on lessons learned over the years, healing, and figuring out who I am and directions I want to take in the coming years. It is very similar to those Lakeview days. My neighborhood is the background to everything taking place.

Rain

Yesterday, I overheard someone saying this on the bus during a major downpour:

"This is one way of getting rid of homeless"

So compassionate.

It all comes back to....

Everything comes back to food. I read about Sri Chinmoy's death and all I could think about was the amazing breakfast at Victory's Banner in Chicago. It is one of my all-time favorite breakfast spots that is run by followers of Chinmoy. I am starting to make a list of the places I want to eat when I go back in December:

Victory's Banner
Salt and Pepper
Billy Goat

I detect a theme in my food choices. I should expand beyond breakfast and a cheeseburger. Trust me, there are lots of places I want to eat at and visit.

Canadian?

I was getting my coffee this morning at one of the coffee carts on campus. I asked for my drink. Woman next to me asked if I was from Minnesota or Canada because of my accent. First, she asked in a mocking way. Second, I am congested this morning.

I just glared at her and said I was from Illinois. Why would you ask someone that question? She didn't say...oh...hey...did you just move to Portland because you have an accent or did you see the movie, Fargo? She really wasn't pleased when I accidentally took her coffee. I guess she shouldn't distract me when I am waiting for my drink.

More Quotes

Mitchell Stephens, NYU professor speaking on Burma, "There are fewer and fewer events that we don't have film images of: the world is filled with Zapruders."

Herbert Muschamp, architecture critic who died this week, "A city is never more fully human when expertise - our own or someone else's - allows us access to ebullience, lightness and design."

Flowers that attack

Elston can ignore spiders and dead snakes but fallen sunflower stalks? Not so much.

Imagine the following scene:

Dog walking across street. Stops. Refuses to finish crossing the street.

Owner crosses street and starts to proceed down the sidewalk. Tries pulling the dog. Dog reluctantly starts to walk down the street but not coming anywhere near the sidewalk. Owner is screeching at dog because she is in the street.

Dog growls. Owner looks and sees 3 sunflower stalks fallen on the sidewalk.

Owner laughs. Dog tentatively walks past the scary sunflowers with a few more growls and then gets on the sidewalk once owner has cleared the area.

Just the little things

I tend to amuse myself especially since I am now living alone. No offense to Elston but she can't tell me funny things. She can look funny or do weird things like stare into a fireplace but no quick, biting comments. I find that I'll read or overhear something little and chuckle to myself.

What are the things that have cracked me up or frustrated me this week? I should highlight quotes but I can't decide between these three which one outranks the other.

- Super annoying fellow rider on the train who blabbed really loud on her cell phone. She was giving a friend some advice. Bad advice. Quote - "Don't worry. The baby boomers are on their way out. Out. We can then wear what we want to wear."

- Just a little blurb in the paper about Peru's former President Fujimori who is allowed conjugal visits and his guitar. This is where my imagination steps in. I just have an image of Alberto strumming a ballad to his wife. Or entertaining his fellow prisoners with some rockin tunes? See where I am going.

- Iranian President Ahmadinejad's comment, ""Let me tell a joke here, I think the politicians who are after atomic bombs, or testing them, making them, politically they are backward, retarded." I know he is kinda crazy but that comment just cracks me up.

Colds

How come I can handle the big health stuff but a cold makes me think I am on my deathbed? I know the former is through a dose of denial but why I do get so shut down with some aches and a fever? I am home sick with a cold but it almost feels more flu like than anything. I am trying to share my dramatic thoughts with Elston but she is more concerned about getting ample nap space.

I never did follow up on the show last week - Peter Bjorn and John. It was a really good show. I can't remember the first opening band other than her wavering voice started to drive me nuts. Fortunately, I could concentrate on watching the crowd start to come in and enjoy drinking Terminator Stout since it was at the Crystal Ballroom. The second opening act, the Clientele, were pretty good. During their first song, I thought they sounded a lot like The Church. I moved up closer to the stage for PBJ. They put on a good live performance. I didn't feel weird being by myself and even hung out with some stranger during the opening bands.

Now I need to go rest again before I die from the Ebola.

Scala

At the end of August, a remarkable Chicago woman died. Florence Scala is familiar to anyone who has read Studs Terkel's books. She tried for Chicago's West Side what Jane Jacobs was able to achieve for New York City.

Blank thoughts

I haven't had much to say for the last few weeks. I guess I am trying to deal with some fog that has entered my brain. I was going to write some witty, snarky comment about 3 days of front page headlines about two deer that had been taken away from a family that had been raising it in their home. It was going to be another rant about the media and then I just couldn't think of the right things to say. I went from New Jersey politics to stories about deer and rabbit crazed owners.

Tonight I am seeing the first of many upcoming concerts. Peter Bjorn and John is the music for tonight. I have never gone to a concert by myself but I don't think it will be too weird. It isn't like I chat during a show and I'll probably get there right after the music has started.

Randomness

It has been one of those weeks when I am simply out of it. I didn't feel well all last weekend and was nursing a sore back. If I wasn't doped up, I was sleeping. I went to Seattle on Monday for a meeting and we left Portland at the ungodly hour of 5:30 a.m. I was still recovering yesterday from all of the different sleep patterns (or lack of) of the last 4-5 days.

The point I wanted to make in this post is how I can't shake something I read last night. I am reading Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. One of the characters is trying to recall a memory and is worried that the memory will soon fade. There are all sorts of little pieces of this memory that are still vivid - the feel of carpet, one specific image of a face and so on. I started thinking of memories I have of certain people and how they can still be so vivid even after many years. I can still smell certain things and instantly be taken back to a specific moment in time. Unfortunately, all of this memory gathering left me feeling incredibly sad. What happens when those memories start to fade? What happens when you can no longer build future memories with a person or a place?

Birthdays

Today is Elston's 10th birthday. Okay. The actual birthday is kinda unknown. Nicole and I rescued her when she was 6 months old so we made her birthdate six months from when we picked her up.

I have dreaded this birthday probably since the day we got her because post-10 doesn't get easier as a dog owner. Fortunately, she is in excellent health. She means the world to me so here is hoping to many more years of the little red dog.

Look at my personal DNA

This was kinda fun - click on benevolent experiencer to take your own test.

Wanna be a bus driver?

On Tuesday, Tri-Met put into effect some new schedule changes and switched our bus drivers. Why they decided to do both of these things on the same day is something I don't understand.

My energy drink selling driver is gone. Despite the pushing of energy, he was a great driver. He was speedy and knew the tricks of Portland traffic. I was usually early to work. Now I have Grandma Driver. We spent yesterday's drive telling her the stops of our express route. We had to tell her when to use certain lanes and when she should merge. I kept my mouth shut and let other passengers help her. At first I found it amusing then I felt sorry for her. Why would you put someone on a route with little assistance? I thought it was cute that she did a test run with her husband. She acknowledged driving the route in a car on Labor Day is different from rush hour traffic in a large bus. I started to lose some of my patience when she drove up the hill to work very slowly. Very slowly. Therefore, I am silently referring to her as Grandma. Afternoon bus driver? Fine.

This morning? Little better. The muttering to herself can end sometime soon. My focus turned today on a new commuter. A very talkative person joined our bus this morning. Talkative and loud. I am sorry. I just don't need to hear that much chatter that early in the morning. Unfortunately, some of the other regulars engaged her in conversation. I put on my iPod full blast and I could still kinda hear her. Between Grandma and Loudmouth, I am cranky. These are the days when I really miss driving to work.

We just aren't happy people

All sorts of gay stuff in the media these days.

Senator Larry Craig - I am not gay. Whatever. It isn't the issue. The issue is you pleaded guilty and there was all of the gay opposition you did for years and years. Trust me, we don't really want you batting for our team. At least I don't. Of course, now he is reconsidering his resignation. At least it gives Republicans some headaches and we turn our attention away from the people who should really be investigated - you know..the lies that led to a war. But, hey he isn't gay!

Jerry Lewis - I seriously thought he had died a few years ago. No he isn't gay. He just likes to say fag during the telethon. I haven't watched the telethon in 80 billion years but I hardly thought it was the venue for calling someone fag. Can't he come up with a better way of asking for dollars? Oh wait...he was just joking around with the cameraman.

Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Nangle has a new campaign that we only use the word homosexual instead of gay because gay people are clearly unhappy. Do you think he corrected Larry Craig after his press conference and told him to say, "I'm not homosexual"?

Animals

I've been thinking a lot about the entire Michael Vick thing and other things I've read recently about animals. Personally, I hope he never plays again in the NFL. I used to like him. I liked his style of play. Hopefully the downfall of his career will send a message out to others that this isn't tolerated. Here is another dogfighting story that was covered on ESPN. I went to high school with Gerald and had at least one friend who dated him during the height of his boxing career. I'm not surprised to hear that he was into dogfighting. By the way, I love the description of Freeport. Pretzels not menacing?

My other animal stories are from two recent stories in The Oregonian:

- There was an article about homeless and the central branch of the public library. There was one tiny sentence about a man resuscitating a dead rat on a bench in front of the library. The rat was revived. I really hope it was just chest pumping and not mouth-to-mouth.

- A woman was recently told to stay 100 yards away from rabbits. Huh? "She's having a very difficult time moving beyond having these rabbits." Huh? Well, she was found with 158 live rabbits in her house. Yea, that is a lot. I can see their point. The rabbits were taken away. She tried to steal them back. Little more strange. Recently, the police were called because someone looking through a window of her house saw some carrots on the floor. The woman's lawyer said that carrots are also human food.

Visits and food

Mary just visited Elston for a week. I was able to participate in the visit even though Elston had centerstage. I took off work for exploring and eating lots of good food. Highlights of the trip (focusing on food):

- what visit to Portland would be complete without at least some tater tots? We had lunch and dinner at two different McMenamins. I ordered the tots but I let Mary help herself. One trip was also combined with watching a movie at the St. John's Brewpub.

- Blackberry shake and Walla Walla onion rings at Burgerville.

- Breakfast at Camp 18. This was recommended by a friend when I said we were going to the coast for the day. Wow. Best breakfast ever. I came home with a bottle of their marionberry syrup that tastes great on vanilla ice cream. I am going to make pancakes tomorrow morning. Photos have already been loaded - link on right hand side to picasa site.

- Dinner at 3 Doors Down. This is the second time I've been there and both times have been great experiences. It has quickly turned into my favorite restaurant in Portland. I recommend the Marcona almonds, gnocchi appetizer and I've had two excellent pasta dishes. Great service and atmosphere.

- Two home cooked meals made possible by the neighborhood farmer's market.

- Pastries and coffee at Fleur de Lis and St. Honore Bakery.

- Dinner, drinks and a lecture at BridgePort Brewery. It was all part of the monthly Science Pub lecture.

I am sure I am missing some meals and snacks. We had great weather, a relaxed time for exploring, and quality time with the dog.

Texas cousins

Before I try to blog about anything else, I should point all of you in the direction of the news from Texas. These little suckers (long-jawed orb weaver spiders compared to the orb weaver spiders I have documented on here) have hit the national news. Concerned family and friends have been sending me links and the papers are showing pictures of the webs. Why the media is paying attention to these guys and not to the Portland warfare is beyond me. I will say that this story rates higher on the gross out scale.

Not the only one with issues

Lots to blog about but I don't want to forget this one on the heels of my last post.

1. My nephew, Simon. I was talking to my sister last week and she told me that Simon had a spider incident. They were at an outdoors play that took place at an arboretum. During one of the scenes, a spider crawled on Simon. He let out many loud screams. I would have done the same thing except I probably wouldn't have been excused since I am not 4 years old.

2. Last week at a local park, a little girl was riding her bike on the path. Next thing I know, she jumps off her bike, throws it to the ground and starts screaming. Mother tries to reassure her as she is looking over the bike. She tells the girl that there is no web or spider on the bike. The little girl screams, "there are still webs on the bike and the spider is there." The mother continues to examine the bike as the girl has a meltdown and refuses to get back on the bike. Apparently, she rode through a web. I completely sympathized with the little girl and wanted to tell her never to let her guard down. I didn't think the mother would appreciate my advice so I kept my mouth shut.

Apparently, I am not the only target or the only person uncomfortable with the spider situation.

Distressing news from Spider headquarters

Spider headquarters issued grim news this morning. Agent 2010 was killed as it tried to enter Primary Target's hallway via the back stairwell. Primary Target identified the Agent by its markings and utilized brute force by using shoe artillery. Objections were immediately raised by Director of Agent Forces at the inhumane second and third stompings of the shoe. Canine again appeared oblivious to Primary Target's concerns.

As this news filtered into Spider Headquarters, images were broadcast that show the last moments of Agent 33445's life.


It is still unclear how this image arrived at Headquarters and why it took nearly a month after the Agent's tragic death. Messy handwriting noted that this was the last view of the Agent before Primary Target killed it in #314. Analysts are being brought in to see if it is the writing of the canine or some other ally of the Primary Target.

There is still no word on the progress of Agent 919 in the Land of Lincoln. Concerns about the breakdown in communication have been raised to field representatives.

Director of Agent Forces did issue a statement that losses are expected until the Agents can prepare the field for the Orb Weavers to enter #314. There was no comment from Head W Spider or Director of Web Artillery.

Hummingbirds

I have always enjoyed watching hummingbirds.

Today there were at least 30 of them in two trees. There could have been more. I stood there just fascinated to see so many of them at once. I usually see one or two in that tree but never this many.

I realized that any large numbers of things become a little creepy after awhile.

Elston acting normal

As a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever, here she is in her glory with a toy duck.



Looking more normal with the fireplace behind her:

More photos here

Fires

A few minutes ago, 4 fire trucks went racing down the street to what was a false alarm. It reminded me of when I lived in Chicago's Logan Square neighborhood. In the 3-4 years I lived in that neighborhood there were at least 3 homes that were destroyed, at least 10 cars completely torched and various garage fires. At the time, I lived with Nicole and she would discount me whenever I smelled smoke. Actually, she discounted most things I said or did.

One night she was at class and I smelled smoke from the vents. I went outside to see if I could see anything in the basement. My landlords were a little crazy and I could write an entire blog about their techniques in fixing gas leaks. It wouldn't have been unusual for something to be happening in the basement since they used space heaters to warm the apartment's pipes in the basement or for there to be an electrical problem. My upstairs neighbors were coming home so I asked them if they smelled smoke. Yes. They said I should call the fire department. I did but I was very clear that it didn't require a ton of trucks or a huge response.

Seconds later, I could hear the sirens. Multiple sirens. 4 fire trucks. They traipsed through the apartment and also tried to see if anything was coming from the locked basement. Nothing. I was so embarrassed. I made Elston promise to never tell Nicole because I knew I would never hear the end of it. Two weeks later, I was walking Elston and I saw a fire start in the garage across the street. I saw someone run away from the garage. Huge fire and it was definitely arson. Even then, I irritated her even though our place smelled like smoke for several days. What is my point in this entry? I have absolutely no idea other than I felt my neighbor's embarrassment at a false alarm.

Where to even start

Hmm..what captions could we come up with for this one?
I am watching for spiders in the wrong place. Isn't this what I am supposed to be doing?
Why is there a light?
When is Santa Claus appearing?
I am so pissed off at my human that I am going to turn my back to her and freak her out by staring into this fireplace.

Seriously. This is the second time in three days that I have caught her sitting like this in front of the fireplace.

Randomness

As I try to recover from too many margaritas last night:

- Karl Rove's resignation. After I took in my moment of happiness, I wondered what he was really going to do with his extra time. A shudder went through me. I bet he is going to work for the Spiders. Who else would hire his evil self?

- The title of a 1982 review of Joyce Carol Oates by James Wolcott keeps cracking me up, "Stop Me Before I Write Again: Six Hundred More Pages by Joyce Carol Oates." I like both of them, so that just makes me giggle.

- The New York Times had an article in the Sunday paper comparing the "good" war in Afghanistan to Iraq. It is an excellent article detailing how the Iraq war detracted from the efforts against the Taliban. We have spent $19 billion in Afghanistan compared to $42 billion in Iraq. Billions, people, billions.

- C. Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, continues to screw up - at least in my little mind. His most recent comment had to do with all of the murders and that even though the city seems dangerous "it is getting the New Orleans brand out there." I would love to have my city's brand be murder. That will really excite people to travel again to New Orleans, let alone resettle in the city. I do agree that keeping the media interested in New Orleans is a good thing because there is still so much that needs to be done in the city. It disturbs me how the city has dropped off our radar. But, can we find a different way of raising our concerns instead of hoping that the bad news keeps a murderous brand out there.

Cats

Weird happenings in the neighborhood. On our morning walk, we started down the street. In the distance, I saw four cats. Three of them were slowly approaching an oblivious fourth cat. They stopped and backed off when they saw us coming down the street. The fourth cat owes us something for that unintentional rescue.

I thought it was pretty cute and moved along in my thoughts. We turned the next corner and saw two more cats. There was also a hummingbird making its little bird noise and a baby squirrel chasing its tail. I started to think things were becoming a little bizarre. I thought to myself that things would be really weird if we saw more cats when we turned the next corner. Guess what? Three more cats on the next stretch. What the hell?

- Some of the cats just walked away in their cool cat-like strut. Others just hunkered down in the grass and thought they were being super cool and hidden - "look at me, I am a cat that no one can see except I am a cat so people can see me in this really short grass" and others just sat and stared at us. I admit the staring cats kinda creeped me out.

- They were all pretty cute with the exception of the staring cats. I am sure they were doing hand signals and hiding their pocket knives.

- The true question has to be what are these cats doing on a Sunday morning? Is it a community potluck? Organizing event against the dogs? Religious gathering? Book club? Meow chorale gathering? Maybe they are organizing against the Spiders? Local? National?

- Do the parents of the kittens approve of their little ones sneaking out and crossing streets? What does this say about cat family values?

- Elston? Did not notice a single one. Not a single cat. How will I ever get her to notice a Spider if she doesn't notice a cat giving her death stares???

- Do you know where your cats are between 7-7:30 on a Sunday morning?

Crows

I love watching the crows in the neighborhood. I find them beautiful and interesting little creatures. I've been thinking a lot of my father, so it is only appropriate that I share something he wrote once about crows. I took him for two classes - Intro to Philosophy and Rhet & Comp. He distributed this to my Comp class as a writing sample. By the way, I opened a file this morning that had a letter from him. The smell of the paper and ink reminded me so much of him that I was transported to his office. Man, I miss him.

"Crows are imperturbable. I see them sitting in the Highland parking lot when I arrive at 7 a.m. or I watch them summer mornings on the golf course. Usually in pairs, they peck in the wet grass, waddle a few feet, and then stop, cocking their heads quizzically or looking straight ahead as though in a reverie. They look like retired gentlemen relaxing in a city park.

Crows are not nervous, edgy like sparrows. They maintain a sense of calm. When a car approaches too quickly or closely or when my mower moves within twenty feet of their position, they will crow hop, a kind of lurching jump about a foot forward. Their hops are somewhat heavy, like the movement of a man who is swinging an ax for the thirtieth time.

And when man or machine invades their comfort zone, they also fly in a deliberate, measured manner. They leave the ground as if saying, "Oh well," and hop, flap their wings slowly, and head off low in a single direction, usually in a 40 degree angle to some distant destination, such as an old oak or hickory or another patch of open field.

Crows are black, a black with depth that can't be penetrated, like looking down a well or into a tunnel. They aren't glossy like a grackle. Crows do not reflect. No flash and dash like other birds. Crows are just basic, imperturbable black."

- Gerry McElroy

You know..

You know you are no longer in New Jersey when the local grocery store is offering energy bar tastings over the weekend.

Just plain tired

It has been one of those weeks when I can hardly wait to get home so I can nap. Fatigue? I'll show you fatigue. Fatigue is when you are so tired that you don't think you can walk across the street to the cafeteria because it feels a million miles away. I think I am fighting something because I have become more and more achy throughout the day and my throat kinda hurts. Elston could really help out a little by making some chicken soup during the day.

For your entertainment

I am following up the heavy post with something that proves my insanity.

Updates from Spider Headquarters

Despite the losses incurred the other day, Spider Spokesperson, Tony Orb Spider, reported new measures to lift up the spirits of Portland Spiders. Special Assignment "Go for the Children" is in motion. Agent #919 had entered Apartment 314 with our two brave comrades last Sunday afternoon for a different mission. This Agent burrowed in the luggage of Primary Target's family members. The Agent has now made it safely to the Land of Lincoln, the symbolic name for some former human president. This Agent will track the Primary Target's family to detect any familial patterns that could benefit our cause. In addition, this Agent is prepared to take any children hostage, and is also poised to have photographic evidence sent to Headquarters that will show the Agent hovering over their sleeping bodies.

In other news, tent camps have been set up in a neighboring lawn while Spider Headquarters are quickly repaired. Special Forces have moved across the street to further prevent the Primary Target and Canine from walking down 41st Battlefield. All paths on this critical battlefield need to remain in Spider webs.

Definitions

I am tempted to delete this post because it is probably the most personal post I've written in a very long time. I'll keep it up for awhile. Don't worry about me. I am okay. I just have some work to do.

I can't sleep tonight. I have been thinking about an email exchange I had with someone tonight who was wondering how I was doing now that I was back in Oregon. I started thinking about how I came across to him when he knew me back in NY. I was almost at the peak of my frustration/sadness/fear and this was only when I had been in NY less than a year. I said that I was trying to find myself again. I guess I can't sleep because I wonder...who am I? I'm not the scrawny (yes, at one time) kid who had a wild imagination, a troubled adolescent, indecisive young adult and so on. I just have these pieces of memories where I have felt either tremendous joy or sheer pain. All of it has made me who I am but I sometimes wonder which side will take over.

Exiting the Holland Tunnel and entering New Jersey for the very first time in my life.
Watching Cate Blanchett perform as Hedda Gabbler and thinking I had died and gone to heaven.
Seeing the last performance of Sleater-Kinney at Webster Hall
Celebrating the first holiday together
Wanting to destroy the person on the other end of the computer who was working on our implementation and then mocking her with co-workers
Never ending drama or fires that had to be put out at work
Sitting at my computer without any dinner and just trying to catch up on email from a day when I had been in solid meetings.
Wondering if I would come home to a note or a conversation that I dreaded with very bone in my body
Looking at a building where Matthew Brady had a studio
Seeing Elston overjoyed when all of the humans were home
Just feeling consumed with anger at my job
Looking across the Hudson River from Weehawken
Weekend with S and B - Chinese New Year and hanging out at the apt
Listening to Burning Spear say, "talk to me people, talk to me" over and over
Hanging out at Cedar Tavern with co-workers
Drinking Mint Juleps in Peter's backyard
Just feeling so safe and comfortable like never before in my life
Passion, laughing, and comfort

I don't know. Last week, I changed the subtitle of this blog after Mary said that I had my soul back. I really wonder if that is the case. I have everything in neat little compartments that are rarely examined. Reality? What is that?

I hope I have my soul back but I also have to figure out what I want. What did someone tell me recently - oh yeah, my mental cul-de-sacs.

As I catch up

Random comments from catching up on the papers:

Tammy Faye Messner. A few years ago, I watched the documentary, The Eyes of Tammy Faye, and gained a whole new sense of what her life was like. I am sorry to hear of her death.

Khmer Rouge - they have finally identified some suspects who are going to go on trial for breaking the Geneva Convention and engaging in genocidal activities from the 1970's. Is it me or is this just mind boggling that it has taken so long?

There was a photo in the Times of John Edwards on his poverty tour. He was surrounded by people and he was reaching out to shake someone's hand. It reminded me so much of photos of RFK on his poverty tour. I know that is probably the image that the Edwards campaign wanted to present and it worked.

Lately, there has been coverage about Tintin in the Congo being rereleased. As a huge Tintin fan, I am a little sensitive about any criticism of Herge. While I don't agree with how people are represented in the book, I also think it is important to look at the book in its historical context. It was written when colonialism was alive and well. Herge was well known for never traveling to the countries he portrayed in his books. I guess I am making excuses but I don't think we should be so quick to judge. Sure, move the book out of the kid's section but give kids some credit. It is a great opportunity to educate kids on how images change over time or how colonialism was a pretty sucky thing. Just sound more intelligent than my last sentence.

Another intercepted bulletin

Spider Headquarters was destroyed by rampaging kitten at 6:46 a.m. Head W Spider is safe and Vice President Spider has been moved to an undisclosed location. Rhode Island comrades have been contacted to see if it is the Kitty of Death. Primary Target #1 and canine were spotted across the street. Primary Target was seen pointing kitten out to canine and threatening a new resident into #314 if canine didn't perform to standards. Kitten was detected as being a little too happy as it bounded through the headquarters that are disguised as bushes.

Bulletin intercepted

I will let their "electronic bulletin" explain everything:

Two unsuccessful spying missions

First was the death of Agent 33445 on Sunday evening and now there are reports that Agent 00999 also met its untimely death on Tuesday morning at 6:05 a.m. While the deaths are a loss to the spy forces, Head W Spider said defenses continue to be weak in Apartment #314.

On Sunday evening, Agent 33445 was able to enter the apartment without any alarms being set off by the canine. During the mission, the Agent was able to place tracking devices and draw more detailed maps of the enemy territory. Primary Target #1 spotted the Agent and alarmed other Human visitors to its presence. They failed on the first attempt of its life as Spider training taught the Agent how to avoid the "Defense by Long Objects" method. As the Agent reported an hour later, it had been rediscovered by Primary Target who again asked for back-up from the other humans. The Agent's last known communication to headquarters was that a very tall human was approaching it with a paper towel. This event happened on the Northwest battlefield.

A few minutes ago, Agent 00999 met its death by the hand of Primary Target. This Agent was able to successfully monitor events from the battlefield of running water. Canine was again noted as a weak defense because canine was in the room at the same time as Primary Target was immersed in water. 10 minutes later, the Agent was discovered and quickly murdered. Trainers of Agent Academy responded, "We still need to train our Agents more effectively in the quick reflexes of humans." It was also noted that this Agent had been more intrigued by looking at its reflection in the mirror surface, which further disoriented it as it made its way across the wall. Mirrors will now be used in battlefield training. Canine had left the room by the time of the Agent's death.

A rattled Primary Target was seen leaving battlefield.

Oscar the Cat

When I walked out this morning with my sister to walk Elston and saw the headline on The Oregonian that said:

"Death Kitty: Your Friend to the End"

I thought the paper was going downhill even more. Next to a blow-up photo of the cat, I wondered what was going on. In finer print it said, "When Oscar the cat curls up next to a patient at the Rhode Island hospice where he resides, death follows in a few hours.."

My copy of the Oregonian had a smaller headline and a different photo that said:
"At nursing home, death comes on little cat feet"

We thought this was a bizarre thing for front page news except it is the big press all over - NY Times, Chicago Tribune etc. Follow the link to the Yahoo article.

I just have this image of patients freaking out when they see the cat coming into their room. I know the article says most patients are too ill but what about the times they just cross paths? As John (brother-in-law) said, it is the cat nip reaper.

Morning jaunt

The entire series is here

Canine blissfully unaware



Large one


Small one

Revelation

I know - 3 posts in one day. Clearly, I have things on my mind or I am trying to avoid.

But, I can't resist. After the spider incident last week when I almost walked into a web, I decided to change the route I take with Elston. I avoided the last street we take as we head back to the apartment. I realized this morning that was a crazy approach to things. Why was I letting some little fear get in the way of a nice street that is lined with flowers and nice houses? Really!

On our morning walk, I was very aware of any webs crossing over the sidewalk. I stopped a few times and actually admired some of the webs that were close to the sidewalk and had an enemy smack dab in the middle. I noticed the size of one of them compared to all of the others I have seen. Still...there was no panic or shrieking.

This evening, I decided we would walk down the same street. Same enemies were still working on their damn webs. The large one was especially busy as I watched it nearly fall and dangle from its web as it wove some special fancy design. Show off.

But, I took special notice of the webs that were high up in the trees. Really high up. I didn't mind because I would rather have them up there out of sight.

It wasn't until the end of our walk that I looked up one more time at a web with an enemy in the middle. I then looked across the intersection. Yep, it is a look-out. It has a perfect view into my apartment. Here I thought it was a nice gesture on their part to move away from my height and then I find out they are actually spying on me. Uh huh. I have their number. I should take my camera with me tomorrow just to prove it to everyone. I bet if I zoom in enough, you will be able to see their binoculars.

Book

I rarely do these but here is mine. I don't think I am cold and heartless but I do like the NY comment. Also, this is a little creepy because I just ranted about media.

You're Compassion Fatigue!

by Susan Moeller

You used to care, but now it's just getting too difficult. You cared
about the plight of people in lands near and far, but now the media has bombarded you
with images of suffering to the point that you just don't have the energy to go on.
You've become cold and heartless, as though you'd lived in New York City for a year or
so. But you stand as a serious example to all others that they should turn off their TV
sets and start caring again.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Shout Out

My oldest sister is written up in today's Freeport paper

Anyone who knows Leslie will already know that she is a bright, funny and caring person. What I most admire about her is that she fights for what she believes and has worked so incredibly hard to get where she is today. When I list influential people in my life, she is right there at the top. I still remember years ago going to a community meeting with her and seeing how people respected her. I also kinda like her because she gave me three great nephews.

She will be able to look back on her life and say that she has touched many people. I envy her.

And, she is super scared of centipedes just like me

Crazy Part II

Remember her? This morning she walks up to me and announces that people are crazy because they are at Ikea waiting for the grand opening but they are getting free furniture (really? why was I standing in line for my bus when I could have been getting a new chair for my apartment??). She says it with this little curl of her lip. I waited. Nothing insane comes out.

Then it happens. She doesn't disappoint. She nods to a car that has pulled into the bus area.

CL (crazy lady..I need a name for her): They aren't supposed to have cars around here
Me: Uh huh
CL: Hope a bus pulls in and smashes it to pieces.

Groceries

As many of you know, I have a thing about grocery stores. I lose all sense of peace of mind and patience when I enter a grocery store. It is legendary. One former relationship ended up in couples counseling and we spent countless sessions discussing my behavior in grocery stores and how a certain someone helped to provoke that behavior. It's been probably 5 years since then and I think I have improved. New Jersey grocery stores tested my patience when I almost regressed into Chicago behavior. At least it was recognized and extreme patience was given to me and the management of our shopping was completely taken over. I am still grateful.

Oregon is better. I can go on my own, stores are larger and better stocked, and there seem to be less triggers. I don't like inept employees, tons of other shoppers, missing items and crowded parking lots. Basic things, right? Surprisingly, I handle Trader Joe's without any problem considering how crowded it is at any given time of the day. They must have some spell they place on the entrance. Fred Meyer's? Okay. Pushing it but okay. New Seasons is probably the best except for one thing. I really, really, really dislike how the cashiers strike up a conversation about my purchases. I don't know if it is company policy or some plot to test me but it annoys me. It feels like an invasion of my privacy but I deal. I can even handle their crowded stores and parking lots.

Today I snapped. I snapped for the first time in years. I had to take a break from Harry Potter to get some stuff for the week. I decided to branch out and go to Safeway. It is a nice, new store and I felt like checking out the quality compared to Fred Meyer's. Even though I had a great morning, I could tell I was getting a little irritable. Still, I was doing okay.

Full cart and last two aisles. A woman kept getting in my way. Everywhere I needed to be, she went. She took up all of the space. Pet peeve #1. Then I was looking at bread choices and someone asked me if I needed help. No, thank you. Moved into the next aisle looking at something else and he asked me if I needed help. Uh, no. Pet peeve #2. I went to the end of the aisle where some young employees were giggling super loud. I left my cart and turned the corner for a few seconds. When I came back, one of them had her hand on my cart.

Me: That is my cart
Employee: Oh, I thought it had been abandoned.
SNAP.
Me in the bitchiest voice humanly possible: Oh because full carts are usually left for less than 15 seconds.

Nice Portland Safeway employee couldn't move. I know. I know. Either I have horrified some of you or you think that is minor compared to what you know I am capable of but it just happened. I felt immediately ashamed for how quickly I lost it and was just rude. But....she was blowing off work. She didn't even notice me in that area with that cart for the few minutes before I walked away? I know. Let it go. Walk away from the anger. Go back to the book. Go back to the book. It could have been worse.

I think I need more caffeine.

From the Dog

It has been awhile since I've taken over the computer from the human. She is distracted by some book she is reading, so she won't notice. I have a few things to say to all of you.

I have been patient. I put up with a very long drive. At one point, she locked me in the car. True, she felt bad. But, locking me in the car? Did I get to pick out any of the music? No. Did it interrupt my sleep? Yes. But, I never complained. We even stopped in my birthplace and I didn't get to see some of my old human or dog friends.

My point is that I have been patient. I like the new place. I have made some friends. I get better walks. I have half of the bed to myself instead of having to sleep on something that is somewhat cushy on the floor. I provide as much unconditional love as possible even though the other human is nowhere around. Why didn't she teach this one about my need for lots of carrots? Sure, I get some every now and then but c'mon.

No. My complaint has to do with this entire crazy spider thing. How am I supposed to do my duty when they are up higher than me. Humans. Have you seen how tall I am? They are on the windows. Windows. Do you want me to fall out? She can't even get to them so how am I supposed to do any better. Our walks. I would like to remind all of you that I am a dog. Walks are our time. Our as in Elston's time to explore and enjoy myself. Sure I protect my human but I can't be looking up in the trees for webs if I need to explore for sticks or a chicken bone that could fall from the sky. Maybe if I got more walks, I would be more willing to help out. I don't see any extra treats coming my way.

I admit that I am being a little pouty. I know she has gone on field trips with my dog friend. I really don't want her sitting around moping so I am glad she has friends she can do stuff with but I know that other dog goes with them. Maybe I would like a hike. Maybe I would like the ocean. We talk. I hear what happens on their trips. So, maybe I turn my head when I see something crawl into the apartment. What would you do?

I also don't like some of your comments. Oh human Bonnie. Wasn't I nice to you on your recent visit? I tried not to shed on you. This is what I get? You recommend a demotion? After all of those years of knowing me? Again. Elston=dog. I can't do mess duty. I don't have thumbs. I'll remember this the next time you visit. Don't worry Joe. I'll bark at you again when I see you. And you. Yeah, you. The human in toxic NJ. Where is your defense of me? You used to tell me not to tell her about the centipedes in the basement. I didn't see you getting criticized by so-called friends. I didn't see you get demoted.

Hrrruummppphh. Bunch of silliness. Give me more food and I'll show you sentry duty.

Newspapers

As someone who started reading newspapers around the age of 5, I have always held print journalism in high regard. No, I am not bragging that I was some sort of child genius at 5. I probably started reading the paper because I wondered why my parents were so weird about us interrupting them when they read the paper. As someone who was sucked into reading who was arrested, died, or analyzing the box scores for the DePaul Blue Demons, I quickly realized the attraction. Who was the town weirdo who constantly wrote Letter's to the Editor on a regular basis? I can't say too much because I actually had a guest column published once that caused quite the stir in my small town and I was only 22. We subscribed to two papers in our household - the morning, Rockford Register Star, and the afternoon, Freeport Journal Standard. Both papers were fairly horrible, especially the Rockford paper. Even as a kid, I recognized that both were light on the news and covered things differently.

My newspaper reading continued as a student at the University of Kansas when I had to get a subscription to the Kansas City Star and I lucked out at DePaul when my parents received the Chicago Tribune. I've read the Eugene Register Guard, Oregonian, and New York Times. All of them have their faults. I especially dislike the Oregonian but that is a different rant.

What is my point? It makes me nervous how newspaper readership has declined. In New York, I saw more people read the free daily newspapers than any of the other papers. Why read a paper when you can get the information on the Internet? I just can't let go of the paper. I look at articles on the Internet but I need the paper to be part of my daily routine.

Years ago, I heard a lecture at the Chicago Humanities Festival (best festival in the entire world) from a group of foreign correspondents talking about how the United States is perceived in the countries they are stationed. Not only was it a fascinating talk, I kept thinking about how so many newspapers are reducing their foreign bureaus. We see the same thing in television news broadcasts. What will happen when we don't have writers like Jack Germond? Newspapers with long histories such as the Sulzbergers and the New York Times? We've already lost the Chandlers from L.A. Now we are losing the Wall Street Journal's Bancroft's to Murdoch. I don't blame them. Newspapers are losing money but I worry about the ever increasing corporate influence of our media. It is all becoming so sanitized.

By the way, I am neurotic when it comes to reading the paper. Mary will quickly agree. I have routines that revolve around the paper and I get a little tense when they are disrupted. It is definitely something handed down from my parents.

All I have to say....

is on the right hand column of the blog. It is not the way I needed to start my morning. Enough said.

Schools

I love living near a school. I should say, I love living near a school that is 4-5 blocks away. It reminds me a lot of when I was growing up and we lived near my elementary, junior and high schools. Some thoughts from my childhood:

- having handy access to a playground. I would hang out on the swing sets even as an adolescent. When I was in elementary school, we would smoke on the jungle gym. As an adult, we drank. We also had all of the ball fields to run around in and go sledding (on a seriously pathetic little hill..I wouldn't even call it a hill) on.

- For me, the access to basketball and tennis courts made all of the difference in my childhood. Hot or cold, I was usually at the basketball court. As I got older, I would head over and play tennis with my older sister or some friends. I don't know what I would have done without the ability to play basketball so close to home. I think it saved my childhood. As I became even older, my dad taught me how to hit a golf ball in the fields behind the elementary school.

- The ability to walk to/from school and also skip school and take a nap. Yes, I used to walk out of journalism class and go home for 40 minutes for a nap. I admit that I also used to come home and drink during school hours. I was not the healthiest teenager. In my early years, I could ride my big wheel before school or during my lunch hour.

- I don't want to hear anything from my sisters but I didn't always enjoy the freedom of walking to school. My dad would sometimes give me a ride to high school even though we really didn't live that far. They said I was spoiled. I am still convinced it was so my dad would make sure I actually went to school. Either way, I didn't care for the ride unless it was really cold. It also affected my drinking before school during 11th grade. Wow. I was a really messed up kid.

- The freedom of living so close to school events - the homecoming bonfire, homecoming parades, basketball or football games. I was able to sleep later because I didn't have to ride a bus.

In many ways, I felt that my friends and I ruled the neighborhood. There were very few kids my age who lived in the neighborhood. I think I had two friends who lived around me. Loren was my best friend and we definitely felt that the neighborhood was under our control. We didn't pay attention to our gender difference until I started beating him in basketball. We knew every corner of the neighborhood and spent a lot of time hanging out around the elementary school. Kristin became my friend as I hit my upper elementary years. We felt that our school patrol years in 5th grade went beyond leading younger kids across the street before school. We were old. We knew everything. We also had to stop smoking before 5th grade because we were almost caught by the school janitor in our hiding spot that was in the trees outside the cafeteria.

As an adult, I would walk around the schoolyard and feel like a giant. Everything seemed so small. Why did I think the slide was hundred feet tall? The basketball rim seemed so much shorter. As I walk around Grant Park High School and Grant Park, I keep remembering all of these childhood memories. It feels so good because I always felt my childhood was always a little sad, yet those are some of the memories that I love.

Dreams

I honestly can't remember if I have talked about the dreams I have with my father playing a major role. He usually appears and there is no mention that he died 10 years ago. There is usually an acknowledgment that he has been away for many years and that is usually health related. I have been having these dreams for many years and I usually have them every few months. I remember most of them and they stay with me for quite awhile. I usually wake up in a funk because it just makes me miss him even more. I had one shortly before I moved that was really upsetting because it made me think I was going to die.

I had one last night. He was back and had gone to the college to take care of some paperwork. I was back in our old house on Plum Street. I walked down the stairs and I could smell him. I used to love my dad's smell and it was back in the house. I walked around the living room and kitchen in a daze. I kept thinking, "wow...he is back." There was a stack of papers on the counter by our phone so I started shuffling through them. They all involved his return to the college. There was a form indicating he was registered for a conference in 2008. A bill for a hotel room. Documents from the public library dealing with board responsibilities. Some of the papers had his handwriting where he had written himself notes. I started crying out of relief.

I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. I have an idea that I dreamt about him last night because he was in my thoughts most of yesterday. I had gone hiking with K&E and the entire time, I kept thinking that my dad would have loved the hike. My favorite childhood memories of my dad are going on hikes with him. He would point out flowers, we would talk about animals, and make up stories that we were on a grand adventure. I just felt his presence yesterday, so I imagine that is why I dreamt about him last night.

Thinking through things

As everyone knows, I've been through a lot this year. On Friday, I talked to someone about how I am doing. He had some fairly amazing advice and insight into the human condition. His first comment was a response to something I said about how or what I should be doing. He asked how I came up with such tidy rules for myself. He asked me if I was Catholic. I said, I was raised Catholic. He told me to reconsider my rules because they seem to be in the way of my healing.

He told me I needed to get out of this mental cul-de-sac that I have moved into. I thought it was such a cool way to frame my emotional state. I guess I am supposed to move around and find one that fits. My homework is to really think about what I want and if it is worth it to work for those things. Pretty basic, huh? I thought I had worked hard for what I wanted even if it ripped me apart. I wouldn't change a thing about the last five years of my life and everything was worth the price I paid - financially, physically or emotionally. I made such a huge step by moving away from NJ even though it broke my heart. Now I just feel emotionally stuck even though I am so incredibly happy to be back in Oregon.

He asked me if I was able to look around me and find pleasure. I said that I had. I commented on the nightly sunsets that I watch from my living room window or the view of Mt Hood in the morning. His response was I am starting to heal. He also told me that I looked 10 years younger than when he first saw me.

Newsletter

Okay I have added the headline from the Spider newsletter on the right hand side of the blog. If people holler, I can just turn into a daily or regular post.

Thunder

Tonight I experienced something for the first time in Oregon, including my Eugene years. Lightning and thunder. I heard people in the neighborhood cheer when it was thundering. I love thunderstorms.

Headline

Just for Joe:

A new baby spider encroached on the second bedroom window. I turned to chemical warfare this time which was unsuccessful. Well, I can't tell. It is gone but they are probably turning to crafty tricks. Mary suggested I do a daily headline of the spider newsletter with a takeoff from the NY Times. I thought I could do a spot on the side of the blog, an actual post so it would come via RSS, or would that be disrespectful to our troops in Iraq? You decide.

For today:
"President Head W. Spider to declare gains in #314 on some fronts"

314=apartment

Important Update!!
There was an encroachment. As I was getting my shoes out of the closet, I saw something large move rather fast. I turned on the light, put my shoes on and moved some stuff around. Yes, an invader from another state. How do I know this? After it was dead, I looked at the markings to make sure it wasn't the same kind from the window. Nope.

Unfortunately, this leads to two issues. There was a breach into the apartment. Most importantly, what happened to my sentry? On our walk, I had to demote Sgt. Elston to Private Elston. Not only does she not earn her keep but she is slacking on her guard duties. This can't be tolerated.

Current reading

I am finally getting around to reading We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families by Phillip Gourevitch. It is about Rwanda and the genocide that occurred in the mid-90's. Happy book, huh? I have actually found it a very inspiring book. How do people survive and recover with these types of life events? Don't get me wrong. I am not laughing as I am reading this book. It has made me very angry at our society that doesn't get as upset about genocide in an African country as we do when similar or events of less horror get us riled up. The atrocities are very upsetting and it only makes me question my place in this world. I do have a responsibility to stay informed and protest for action.

I have always been interested in how humans respond in horrible circumstances. My reading has always followed civil rights workers who risked their lives for their rights. I've learned so much about the everyday person in the South who stood in line to register for vote, been denied that right and then faced the consequences for even daring to take a stand. Reading the stories from Holocaust survivors and how they dealt with the genocide happening around them has always inspired me. Primo Levi and Viktor Frankl are two of the most influential writers that I have ever read. I've also been intrigued by how people join sides with the oppressors and repress others. What made some Jewish concentration camp members become Kapos and brutalize their fellow people? What made someone take a machete and kill their neighbor? What would I do in a similar situation? In college, I wrote a lengthy essay on Jewish Kapos, doctors in the camps, and others who were placed into that situation. This book raises some of the same questions.

Anything I say will sound so simple just as I think my above paragraphs are about as intelligent as something Elston would write on the subject. I don't mean to bash my dog's skills but it is so hard to put in words how it feels to read something like this book and to be inspired by his writing. It is such a well-written book. I recommend it especially if you are interested in human rights. If you don't know anything about Rwanda then pick up this book. I almost finished and I plan on reading some of his other essays and interviews on this subject.

Heat

I just want to state for the record that it is not as miserable as living in Chicago or NJ. The lack of humidity makes all of the difference because I can still breathe outside. It also cools down in the evenings and mornings. Yesterday was hotter. When I walked from the bus to my apartment, I found it almost 'neat' to be outside when it was so hot and not feel like I was dying. Today, I decided that it could start getting cooler tomorrow.

My apartment building does not allow window air conditioners. I will admit that I am a very spoiled person and I've always had air conditioning. I left two air conditioners behind in NJ. So far, I haven't needed them. What I have done the last two nights is open my door and blow in air from the air conditioned hallway. The nice thing is I live in a corner unit so no one walks past my apartment. Other people have left their doors open, so it feels weird to be walking past their apartment and see them eating dinner. The bad thing tonight is I can smell my neighbor's dinner. It involves tuna. As many of you know, I hate the smell of tuna more than anything else. Okay, I hate the smell of liver even more. You get my point.

Elston had an intense play session with Vida and has been sucking down ice cubes.

As an important aside, I was really sad to hear about Lady Bird's death.

Battle Day Two

Muuwwwwaahhh.

I casually walked into the living room this morning and saw that baby spider had recreated its web between the two open windows. The web was stretched a little thin and it was smack dab in the middle. I took 1/10 of a second before I gleefully took one of the window handles and opened the window up even more. The web snapped and the little spider went blowing into the warm atmosphere. I wouldn't be surprised if the leaders had a little web already laid out to catch the falling spider but I won day two. I can see the headlines in their spider newsletter, "Initial reconnaissance has failed but a surge will be planned. Enemy strengths were not fully realized. Opposition spider parties are asking for a revised plan. Leaders warn of further casualties if their plan is to be realized. Reinforcements could come from the Eugene troops."

It has started

It took two months before their plan was enacted. What plan? Who? The spiders. If you don't know the history of the warfare...you will have to browse the old blog from when I lived in Eugene.

They are starting their plan off small. They sent out a baby spider. Wimps. This morning, I decided to open the windows up really wide because of today's heat and I noticed a web between two of the windows. I am not dumb. Even before caffeine, I saw the web from a great distance. I brought the window closer to me and it had the markings of the usual suspects. I decided to open up the window super fast to see if it would fall to its death but it only broke the web in half.

I know the leaders were downstairs drinking some coffee and looking upstairs to see what would happen. I know they are going to bring out the big guns. This time will be different. While I may be more emotionally unstable, they don't have a garage to use as their headquarters with easy access to my space. I am up three stories. There are no easy cracks to get through. They can spin all they want outside of my window. A nice breeze will come by and it will be a spider flying through the air.

I have a heightened awareness of what happens away from the apartment. I am sure they have already started mapping out my daily walks and are placing conspirators along the walk who can spin their little webs. We shall see what happens.

Crazy

I was at the bus stop this morning when an elderly woman walked up. She had just missed a shuttle bus to one of the area hospitals. She started talking to me about the opening of the new Trader Joes that is opening up in our neighborhood. She seemed pleasant and normal. I thought she was a little cranky about one of the bus stops that had been moved because of construction and the price of milk at the grocery store. I thought, whatever. It was a nice conversation as I waited for my bus.

She then started talking about how she volunteers at one of the area hospitals. Nice. Still no alarm bells. She works in a program for children with cancer. She said San Diego is the only other place that has a similar program.

I see my bus coming down the street.

She says, "I hate children. I hate children with cancer even more."

I just looked at her as the bus pulled up. I told her to have a nice day. I wanted to say, "I bet they hate you too" but I couldn't think of the words fast enough. I should have told the bus driver that the woman waiting at the stop was searching for energy drinks.