As everyone knows, I've been through a lot this year. On Friday, I talked to someone about how I am doing. He had some fairly amazing advice and insight into the human condition. His first comment was a response to something I said about how or what I should be doing. He asked how I came up with such tidy rules for myself. He asked me if I was Catholic. I said, I was raised Catholic. He told me to reconsider my rules because they seem to be in the way of my healing.
He told me I needed to get out of this mental cul-de-sac that I have moved into. I thought it was such a cool way to frame my emotional state. I guess I am supposed to move around and find one that fits. My homework is to really think about what I want and if it is worth it to work for those things. Pretty basic, huh? I thought I had worked hard for what I wanted even if it ripped me apart. I wouldn't change a thing about the last five years of my life and everything was worth the price I paid - financially, physically or emotionally. I made such a huge step by moving away from NJ even though it broke my heart. Now I just feel emotionally stuck even though I am so incredibly happy to be back in Oregon.
He asked me if I was able to look around me and find pleasure. I said that I had. I commented on the nightly sunsets that I watch from my living room window or the view of Mt Hood in the morning. His response was I am starting to heal. He also told me that I looked 10 years younger than when he first saw me.
2 comments:
Very cool. I hope you are able to find a structure that allows you to experience joy.
I recently called it the "tilt-o-whirl" of personal growth to one of our friends. "Mental cul-de-sac" is a great image. I know exactly what that means.
I'm so glad you're starting to feel like and see that you're in the healing process. It's a long hard road, but you know you've got plenty of people that love you and are keeping you company.
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