2007-2013

I have decided to put this blog to rest.   The main reason is I no longer have things I really want to say or feel like people want to hear.  My hope is that I won't have spider stories to share once I move.  Right there takes away 75% of my blogging content.  The other reason is the original purpose for the blog has reached its end.  I started this blog when I was moving from New Jersey to Portland.  It started at one of the lowest points of my life.  It was meant to capture the process of moving away from a difficult situation to a place where I hoped I would make some changes.

The last six and a half years have been....interesting.  In May 2007, I had no idea what would happen. Honestly, I wasn't sure I would make it.  As the subtitle of this blog states, I gained my soul back.  I am a much happier person than early 2007. Professionally, the least important part of my life, I learned a lot about myself.  I can't even begin to say all of the things, nor should I, of the things I've learned at my former place of employment.  I can say that I was fortunate to have a great staff who energized, challenged, and inspired me.  I will miss so many of them when I start my new job.  When I look back to 2000 when I entered this profession, I think of how I have really matured as a person and as a manager.  I probably experienced most of that growth in the last six years.

The best part about the last six and a half years is the number of people who have become a part of my life. Creating a community of close friends was something missing when I lived in Eugene and Union City. From my friends, Brian and Abby, who already lived in Portland when I moved here, to the friends I have made over these last six years. To my friend, Bonnie, who demonstrated the most patience with me as I would hide for months at a time and suddenly call with a request for help. She has been such a stable presence in my life for over ten years. It was only appropriate that she was with me when Elston was put to sleep. Friends, like Brian and Abby, who didn't mind suddenly taking Elston for an unspecified period of time when I needed to get some help or friends who listened to my relationship ups and downs with tremendous patience. I know that I am struggling with these goodbyes more than any other time in my life.  I have just learned so much from this group of friends.  Joan - a brilliant, hysterically funny, and giving person who has been such a supportive friend over these years.  I really can't imagine life without her living 10 minutes away.  It throws me into a panic when I think about living so far from her and David. Sadie and Josh who are this amazing couple that I love to watch interact with their level of adoration that I've never seen before. Robin who has such a passion for absolutely everything that is backed up by an amazing intellect. Alison who chimes in with her wicked sense of humor and tender kindness that is hard to match.  Jill and Dennis who are such great parents to an amazing little girl who lights up a room.  Jim - I wish I had met him when I was a young thing who needed guidance on how to live my life.  In my opinion, he is a perfect and beautiful person who saved my life in so many ways over the last six months. It breaks my heart to leave all of you.

This past week, I went to the Oregon coast where I spread some of Elston's ashes this summer.  It was sort of my goodbye to Elston. It feels weird moving next week without her.  It feels as if I am leaving a part of her behind, which makes me so sad.  It is really that reason that makes it feel like this is the best time to end this blog.  There is no question that this move has dredged up a lot of memories of her.  After she died, I was in a bit of denial about the loss.  It wasn't until I was on a flight from my interview back to Portland when it hit me. I realized one of the hardest things about leaving Portland was leaving behind my reality of Elston in this apartment and city. It is in this apartment where I will hold many memories of her -- good and bad.  I can't help but think of our move from Union City to Portland.  I was barely functional for that drive across the country by myself.  I remember the first morning in Pennsylvania when I accidentally locked myself out of the car with Elston sitting in the passenger seat.  Not only was I in a panic but I felt it was this bad omen for what was to come. But, we made it.  It is one reason why I am moving a basket of half of her toys or why I start crying when I think of giving up this couch tomorrow morning.

Goodbye Portland. Thank you for helping me getting my soul back.