State of the Union

I decided to give Bush his due by watching his last State of the Union address. Here we go:

6:01 - There is Condi walking around. Please don't let her be the VP candidate for Republicans. Please send her back to Stanford. Chertoff is a walking cadaver.

6:02 - Go Teddy Kennedy. I loved his speech endorsing Obama. I wish I could have a been a fly on the wall listening to the Kennedy-Clinton phone call. Oh look. Barack and Teddy are even sitting together.

6:05 - Here comes George. Do you think it is against protocol to boo him when he is announced? Guess so. I know this is so un-PC but I agree with Jon Stewart - he looks retarded.

(Decided to pay attention to how many Democrats look bored tonight. Count how many times he mentions he bring up fear/threats/terrorism and the number of smirks we see).

6:08 - Nancy Pelosi has a very odd clap. I think she is pretending Cheney's head is between her hands. I still think she has alien eyes that could vaporize Bush's head. Now that would be cool.

6:09 - 7 years have passed since he has stood at this rostrum - please, don't remind me. Less than 30 seconds in and we've already heard one reference to war/terror. We've met the call for debate? Really. Could have fooled me. Oh, I see a smirk coming. There we go, George.

6:12 - Now I remember why I never watch his speeches. How was this guy ever elected? Seriously. Ohhh..Pelosi just sucked in her cheeks.

6:14 - ha ha, a joke about the IRS. Cheney chuckled.

6:15 - okay, if we are going to talk about balancing our budget, can we take a look at the spending on war? Special interest projects? Now we have a classic Dick Cheney smirk. I think George just wet his pants when he mentioned a veto. He looked so pleased with himself. Earmarks. Okay, I admit that some of them are crazy but I love them. How else can we get random things funded? How else can we get an entertaining list of earmarks for crazy sums of money and who are the worst offenders? By the way, earmarks have gone down with the Democrats in power.

6:18 - Hillary looks as if she would rather be anywhere else in the world than listening to George. Quick pan to Barack. Teddy leaned over and made a comment. I love their new friendship. They are best friends forever. They just exchanged friendship bracelets.

6:20 - "we must trust students to learn if they have the chance" - huh?

6:22 - I don't think Teddy has been shown this much in a State of Union address in billions of years. Pelosi looks like she is falling asleep. I think Cheney has lost some weight.

6:24 - terror. traffickers. hemispheres. Now those were 3 fun words to hear close together.

6:25 - Holy Cow. Kerry looks as if he is a statue put in the rejected corner.

6:26 - Charlie Rangel is laughing outloud. I think it is because George just said nuclear.

6:27 - Is Pelosi reading a book? I would. Or, is she reading a copy of the speech to see how much longer she has to look interested?

6:30 - They panned the crowd and now I see Kerry is sitting next to Barbara Mikulski. The tallest and shortest senators next to each other. Cute.

6:33 - I just realized that he has barely talked about Iraq. Is he feeling okay? No mention of Iran? We are 30 minutes into this puppy.

6:34 - Did you know illegal immigration is complicated? Lou Dobbs is somewhere nodding his head in agreement.

6:35 - Images of liberty - now we hear about the Iraqis and Afghans. 9/11. Evil. He is on a roll listing every terrorist act.

6:37 - Subject millions to their violent rule - Cheney just chuckled. Ok, maybe not.

6:38 - I am wondering if he will mention Osama bin Laden. Probably not.

6:39 - Iraq, blah blah, new mission, blah blah, new strategy, blah blah, voice softens, blah blah, don't mention Blackwater, blah blah, must make point, blah blah, soldiers have the gratitude of our nation - yes. I agree with him on that point.

6:42 - Iran. He mentioned Iran. Biden woke up.

6:43 - Holy Shit. He mentioned Osama. "Al Qaeda is on the run in Iraq and this enemy will be defeated - point finger at camera and look determined." I just had a flashback "Osama bin Laden - is wanted dead or alive or something like that"

6:46 - I am bored. He just mentioned a transition to a new strategy in Iraq. He knows what this strategy is? I've lost count. Troops are coming home. Finally, the Democrats stood up and cheered. Amen. Wait, not so fast. There are conditions as George says with a twinkle in his eye.

6:52 - Here is when he goes off against Iran. Hillary looks as bored as me.

6:55 - Wrap it up, George, wrap it up.

6:56 - Sudan and Burma. Good, George. Good.

7:02 - Eeeks. A very scary shot of Laura Bush licking her chops. Lots of lipstick and lots of tongue.

7:03 - I survived the longest viewing of a Bush speech since he became president.

I just heard someone say to him, "you make me proud to be an American." I just threw up in my mouth.

I need to go cleanse my brain. I could watch Mittens talk about his response to the speech but I would need a therapy appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning.