From the Dog

It has been awhile since I've taken over the computer from the human. She is distracted by some book she is reading, so she won't notice. I have a few things to say to all of you.

I have been patient. I put up with a very long drive. At one point, she locked me in the car. True, she felt bad. But, locking me in the car? Did I get to pick out any of the music? No. Did it interrupt my sleep? Yes. But, I never complained. We even stopped in my birthplace and I didn't get to see some of my old human or dog friends.

My point is that I have been patient. I like the new place. I have made some friends. I get better walks. I have half of the bed to myself instead of having to sleep on something that is somewhat cushy on the floor. I provide as much unconditional love as possible even though the other human is nowhere around. Why didn't she teach this one about my need for lots of carrots? Sure, I get some every now and then but c'mon.

No. My complaint has to do with this entire crazy spider thing. How am I supposed to do my duty when they are up higher than me. Humans. Have you seen how tall I am? They are on the windows. Windows. Do you want me to fall out? She can't even get to them so how am I supposed to do any better. Our walks. I would like to remind all of you that I am a dog. Walks are our time. Our as in Elston's time to explore and enjoy myself. Sure I protect my human but I can't be looking up in the trees for webs if I need to explore for sticks or a chicken bone that could fall from the sky. Maybe if I got more walks, I would be more willing to help out. I don't see any extra treats coming my way.

I admit that I am being a little pouty. I know she has gone on field trips with my dog friend. I really don't want her sitting around moping so I am glad she has friends she can do stuff with but I know that other dog goes with them. Maybe I would like a hike. Maybe I would like the ocean. We talk. I hear what happens on their trips. So, maybe I turn my head when I see something crawl into the apartment. What would you do?

I also don't like some of your comments. Oh human Bonnie. Wasn't I nice to you on your recent visit? I tried not to shed on you. This is what I get? You recommend a demotion? After all of those years of knowing me? Again. Elston=dog. I can't do mess duty. I don't have thumbs. I'll remember this the next time you visit. Don't worry Joe. I'll bark at you again when I see you. And you. Yeah, you. The human in toxic NJ. Where is your defense of me? You used to tell me not to tell her about the centipedes in the basement. I didn't see you getting criticized by so-called friends. I didn't see you get demoted.

Hrrruummppphh. Bunch of silliness. Give me more food and I'll show you sentry duty.